MODULE 2

WEIGHT & BODY IMAGE

Section 3

Learn practical and hands-on approaches to working with a distinct variety of weight challenges.

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PART 1

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Greeting once again, my friends. This is Mark David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Let's dive into some weight loss case studies.
You know, something, let's also call them case stories because this is all about people. This is all about working with one individual. And this is all about going on a journey with that individual. I have to tell you that it took me a number of years of practice. I can't even tell you how many years of practice, maybe about 15 till I finally discovered on my own. I really didn't have any mentors, uh, in this realm. It took me a while to discover on my own that weight loss is really about the journey. And it wasn't about getting focused on a number and hammering away at that number until we've chipped away at the person's body weight and their body fat, and then we've shrunk them down to the appropriate size by whatever means necessary. And now everything is done. Oh, my friends, we are, we are much more interesting than that. We're much more important than that. We're much more beautiful than that. Our life has much more meaning than that. And you know this where living in a world where there's so much energy and angst and talk and chat and hopes and dreams and pain around weight.
So because we're all typically human and beautifully human, we wanna get there as quickly as possible. So as always, you the practitioner, are holding space that this is a journey.
Now, you don't have to be sitting there telling your client in a first session, I see weight loss as a journey, and I'm just not focused on your number. No, no. You are being, you're being wise, you're being smart. You are watching what you say because you're slowly inviting your client into this understanding without scaring them. You are easing them into this place by inviting them in there without even letting them know that you're inviting them onto a journey, you know, in your heart. And you know in your mind. This is a journey. This journey will take however it long it needs to take. I'm committed to it going as quickly as possible for you, but however long it needs to take is how long it will take. And you need to know and remember to know that if we, our client for sure, but us as practitioners, especially if we're attached to the specific number, the specific goal of actual pounds of weight loss, then pain and suffering and challenge is predictable. Unsuccess is predictable. Unsustainable weight loss is predictable. And this is the reason why people diet for decades, because we keep going around the same spin cycle and it takes a certain amount of courage for all of us to begin to step outside of the old paradigm and take a deep breath and let the journey of weight loss or the journey of experimenting with weight loss unfold. So I'm here to help my client evolve. I am fine with weight loss being the side effect of my client's personal transformation, their personal evolution. That's great. I'm all for it. But I know that unless I can help my client be a better person, unless I can help my client learn how to be with their body in a more nourishing way, learn how to be with their life in a more nourishing way, learn how to regulate their inner world, their emotions, learn how to harness their mind in a better way. It doesn't matter what you do with weight loss, people will lose it and people will gain it back. And this happens to about 99% of all humans. If the weight loss strategies were working, you'd know it. You wouldn't be hearing about all the unsuccess. You wouldn't be noticing that this $500 billion a year worldwide industry continues to grow.
The industry itself does not have an investment in true sustainable weight loss, per se. The company called Weight Watchers doesn't have an investment in true weight loss per se. In fact, they're very clear about that. Believe it or not, in their mission statement,
if they achieve permanent weight loss for all the world, then they'd be out of business. They're not in the business of you losing weight sustainably. They're in the business of you watching your weight. That's why we call it Weight Watchers. And we have a universe of people watching their weight, which means worrying about it, which means obsessing over it, which means trying all kinds of strategies that actually don't take us where we wanna go. So you and I, as practitioners, must liberate ourselves from fixing anyone's weight. Now, again, I have to remind you of this because I'm often surprised at how many professionals I work with think, okay, well I gotta tell my client, I'm not here to fix you. I'm not here to fix your weight. No, you don't. You don't need to be talking to your client. And you don't need to be training your client how to be, you know, an eating psychology expert. You don't need to train them how to be a coach. You just need to go about your business. You need to understand that your client is starting from a place of unsuccess. That's why they're here to see you. They haven't been successful. Their chances are, if they're a weight loss client, chances are they're not liking their body. Chances are they might be hating their body. Chances are they're frustrated. Chances are their mind is filled with all kinds of chatter and talk that they've inherited from the world about what's wrong, about their appetite, about why they're no good. So your client doesn't need to hear you. Explain to them what you learned about fixing people. What you need to do is to silently, effortlessly, happily with a smile on your face. Invite your client in to a sacred place. Invite your client into your pace and your world. Let your client know I'm gonna do everything in my power to help you get where you wanna go. And then you proceed from there. So yes, be committed to weight loss, especially if you believe that your client truly has weight to lose. But please be way more committed to your client's Highest goal, I think you know what that is by now.
Weight loss achieved via low calorie dieting and forced exercise equals short-term success at best. And then weight gain. How do I know this? Look around you. Look at the numbers.
Less calories, more. Exercise is essentially attacking the problem where it isn't. There's an old Sufi tail where, you know, a guy loses his keys and he's on the street and he's looking for his keys and it's at night and he's looking under a lamppost. And a friend of his sees him and says, Hey, what you doing? And he says, I'm looking for my keys. I lost them. And the friend says, oh, you must have lost it right around here. I'll help you look. He says, no, I didn't lose it over here. I'm just looking over here. 'cause the light is better.
We're all been looking for a solution where it isn't just because it seems like, oh, the light is better over here. Everybody's talking about eat less, exercise more, eat less, and exercise more doesn't address you and I and our clients. Finding the body's natural state, its natural place, its natural appetite, its natural flow doesn't help us help the body find body wisdom. It doesn't help us if needed to unpack and look at what might be some of the personal, emotional, internal considerations that may be driving weight gain or weight loss resistance.
So in this work, we're moving away from the dieting model. Yes, eat less. Exercise more is gonna work for a tiny percentage of people. Just 'cause it works for one person, doesn't mean it works for everybody. And this goes for anything. So essentially, you as a coach, counselor, healer, practitioner, you're working to help people become healthier, more nourished, more educated, more aware, more tuned in eaters. We are helping people lose detoxify from disempowering messages. We're looking to help people find their natural weight by living in alignment with some of the natural laws that govern us. Eat slow, eat, relaxed, pay attention, meal timing. Those are some of the natural laws that govern us. Now remember, there are an infinite, infinite number of reasons why somebody can be truly carrying around extra weight. Hence, there are an infinite number of solutions, strategies, and ways to work with a weight loss client. Take a deep breath, relax. You are going to slowly learn the language so you can begin to work with people and in your practice, begin to notice how to work with individuals right now because you know the English language, you can talk to an infinite number of people who know how to speak English. So you have access to all those people. Now, can you actually connect with them? Really? Can you have a good conversation? Can you have a good connection? Okay, that takes a little practice. But once you know the language, then you can start to be with people and begin to assess them, understand them, listen to them for their uniqueness, and experiment with different tools and strategies and protocols for their particular journey. That's what this work is about, learning to tune into our client's unique story and journey. If you need a cookie cutter approach that applies to all human beings all the time, good luck when you find that I'll give you a million dollars. Happy to do that. 'cause that's gonna make me a rich man. Um, but don't waste your time.
That's the holy grail that everybody says they found. That's the holy grail that, you know, the drug companies think they're going to find. Oh my goodness, all the weight loss supplements and drugs that have popped up over the decades. I've seen 'em all so far. It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed as a professional. I'm embarrassed as a trained scientist to see what people are doing, what industry is doing, what the nutrition industry is doing, what the, what the pharmaceutical industry is doing around this promise, false promise that you could ingest some substance and weight loss will magically happen.
That's about the money. But you and I are changing things. We're changing the world. We're culture changers, and we're stepping in to do something good.
You know, sustainable natural weight can come, can finally come when we find a sustainable way of living. This life sustainable, natural way can come when we're more, more in a place of personal empowerment. It can come when we start to clean our emotional house a little more. It comes when we start to connect with the naturalness of eating, which means the naturalness of my body, which means trusting my body, trusting my instincts, trusting my appetite, trusting my attractions, trusting my aversions, experimenting with them. Trial and error. Oh, I ate that. I was intuitively drawn to that. Ugh, that didn't work for me. Okay, back to the drawing board. Sustainable natural way can come when we agree to let go of the attachment to a specific kind of weight loss and a specific shape of body, and embrace a healthy style of eating and living and relating with life.
If you just want clients who, I just want to help them lose the exact amount of weight, go for it. And that's all you're gonna do. And you're gonna do everything possible to help them lose their exact amount of weight that they say they need to lose. Go for it. And you will likely have a profession that is upsetting to you, that is challenging to say the least. Um, doesn't have a lot of success, doesn't have a lot of sustainable success, and uh, it's not worth it. Trust me. Been there. You know, as practitioners, we're learning the power of story. Each person's story holds the key to their transformation. I mean that you gotta be a good story, not a good storyteller. You gotta be a good story listener. You have to learn to listen to people's stories. When you go to a good movie, you know, when you read a good book, there's a, there's a story. And if you get captured and captivated, it's because you're noticing the connections in the story. You're watching Characters develop and unfold. There are surprises in the story. People go through their ups and and their downs, and they often go through a down. And then there's a triumph. We have a story. Your client has a story. Their story holds the key to their transformation. I will tell you one thing about anyone's weight loss story. Anyone's weight loss journey, perhaps I've said this to you before. No one knows how much anyone should weigh at any given time. So get over it. People can insist how much I should weigh, because I used to weigh this. You know, that's like somebody say, I used to run this fast 30 years ago and I wanna run that fast again. I used to have this much money. I used to have whatever we don't know.
Our clients are often trying to stiff arm the universe. We are trying to bend the universe to our humble demands. Understandable. We're human. We want what we want. So my friends, your job is to let go of the power that you and your client have given over to numbers. The magic number that everybody holds so high and worships that number that we think that as soon as we reach it, we all live happily ever after in our story. That's a bad story. 'cause it ain't true. Some of my friends with each weight loss client, your job, and I mean this, here's what I do when my client, before my client walks through the door, I empty my mind. I'm letting go of my judgments. I'm letting go of my beliefs. I'm putting them to the side as best I can. I'm putting my biases to the side as best I can. I am letting go of my need as the practitioner to figure it all out. I'm letting go of that as best I can. Of course I wanna do well, of course I wanna be successful. Paradox at the same time, you gotta let it go. And my first move, my first move is always to love and to listen. Creating a space of unconditional acceptance, unconditional regard. And I am creating just a, a vortex of listening.
It's a magical space. Listening is magical. Let me give you an example. My friends first case story. I am going to call this young woman, Leslie. Leslie was 28 when I saw her. A graphic designer, creative, very, very creative human, very motivated, educated once to lose 25 pounds.
Leslie works long hours in front of a computer. She's got a demanding boss. She's got little time to prepare meals. Leslie does not like exercise. Uh, she's tried a lot of different fad diets. She's happy to share them all with me. Uh, I, I am listening to her talk and she, she's nutritionally unsophisticated. You know, a lot of our clients are into nutrition. A lot of our clients ain't. She's a fast eater. She's very insecure about her weight and her body. She describes her boyfriend as overweight as well. She describes her parents as overweight. She says her mom, quote unquote, was always fat and still is. She's tried supplements, diet pills, all the fat stuff. She eats a lot at night. She seems perplexed. I mean, not seems she is perplexed about weight loss. She owns that. She feels like this is impossible. Why? 'cause she doesn't like to exercise and she can't eat low calorie successfully. She's tried. So she's got in her head, I gotta exercise and eat low calorie. I hate exercise. I don't like eating low calorie, so I'm screwed. Which is why she tries all the pills and all the whatever quick fix stuff. She wants to have some kind of breakthrough. She has no idea what that is. Secondary complaints. So with every single client I see, who's a weight loss client, this is a writer downer, my friends, every single weight loss client that I see, I'm always wanting to know, Hey, just for the heck of it, Mr. And Mrs. Client, this, just any other unwanted health challenges, symptoms, nagging little things that you're facing in terms of health. Yes, she has digestive issues. She feels queasy after meal. She gets bloated. Her digestion doesn't feel strong. She constantly feels lethargic. Um, so I'm taking note of those digestive issues and lethargy. Why do I wanna know secondary complaints? Even if your client doesn't mention them? And I always push my client any other complaints. I don't even care if they're minor health complaints. I really wanna know about it. Because when you start doing good strategies for your client, they might not see weight loss in the first week or two or three or four or 5, 7, 8 or nine or 10. However, if your client's been complaining, you know, if a secondary complaint is digestive issues and those start to clear up, if their lethargy starts to clear up, if their skin starts to clear up, if their hair starts to feel more, more nice and soft and illustrious, then you point that out. You say, haha, we're heading in the right direction. Because you know what you are when your client's health starts to change first before weight loss. That makes perfect sense. My friends, I want to tell you something really, really simple here. But most people don't get it. Weight loss for many humans is a shapeshift. It's a metabolic change that can, can take far more time than clearing up other symptoms. It's as simple as that. For some people, their body ain't gonna change overnight when it comes to letting go of extra body fat. But what might happen is other issues might clear up first. So I need you to understand this. I am raising my hand right now. I am jumping up and down, not really, but kind of internally. I'm jumping up and down and wanting you to get that there's a journey, there's a flow here. And you need to be on point with your client knowing all their secondary complaints. So when those start to clear up and you gotta ask your client, you know, by the time the next session comes around, you've given them some tweaks to do. Hey, Mr. And Mr. Client, how you doing? I didn't lose any weight. Okay, you didn't lose any weight. But just, just tell me like, what else is up? You know, you were dealing with digestive issues, lethargy. Have you noticed any change in any way, shape or form health, energy life since we last met? Oh yeah. You know, I forgot to tell you,
my acne started clearing up. So then I'm gonna connect that to the change I made, and then I'm gonna let my client know. Yes, that's a small success. We are on the right track. So you're building momentum. You are redefining success with your client. You are subtly letting them know that this is a journey. This is an unfoldment. It's not a ding, ding, ding. One day you wake up and the pounds melt away. That's interesting. How many times have I heard advertisements, promises, pounds melt away? Like, like this melt away term, this quick fix thing that everybody's looking for. So I am slowly disusing my client of that notion that they're gonna win the weight loss lottery. And I'm letting them know, ah, small success. We're heading in the right direction, which is telling your client our work together is working. Which is telling your client, Hey, me over here, this guy, the coach, the professional looks like I know what I'm doing, doesn't it? Because that's how you solidify the relationship. Your client. It's not your client's job to congratulate you on the success that you helped them have. You've gotta have a healthy ego to do this work. And you gotta be smart. I am teaching you right now how to be a smart practitioner. How to make sure you create roots
in your relationship with a client. Because if you don't have roots that are going into the ground, pulling up nutrition, a strength, a familiarity and understanding, then it will be easy for your client to uproot themselves and to leave. It'll be easy to have a wobbly relationship with your client because they're expecting one thing. I just want the pounds to melt away.
Are you with me, my friends? So you are learning how to acknowledge when there's a small success and I literally, my voice gets high. I get happy when my client has a small success that is non-weight related. Okay? So this client, Leslie, was um, recommended to me by her aunt who happens to be my client. Now, previously her aunt told me, Hey, I'm gonna send you my niece. She's a junk food addict. Yeah. You know, sometimes this happens. We get, uh, preconceived notions about her client in a lot of ways. It's true. This person is a bit of a junk food addict. And you'll see in a moment, okay, so a little bit more detail about Leslie. As I'm talking to her, I'm asking questions about her, her life, uh, just so happens she also wants her boyfriend to lose weight as well. So she has described her boyfriend as overweight. She wants him to lose weight. He wants to lose weight, but he is not motivated.
Not an unusual story. You know, when I hear that, the moment I hear that she wants her boyfriend to lose weight, yeah, he'd like to lose weight, but he's not motivated. What I hear is, hmm, she's the one who's motivated. She's coming to see me. If he's not motivated and they are a couple and they're living together, then chances are he might be holding her back. I'm, I'm just, that's a good possibility. 'cause think about it for a second. If they're both sharing the same challenge, we're overweight, she's motivated, he isn't, how would that feel if she starts losing weight? And I don't. So, Hmm. I'm thinking about her, her personal social relationship dynamics, because that's going to impact the situation. So as you could see, already, I'm diving into, in my own mind, I'm listening to the details of her story and I'm making connections because as it turns out, this is a freaking important connection. Subtle, but big.
Now I'm asking her, well, you know, tell me about the rest of the people in your world. You know, when it comes to weight. So as I'm listening to her talk about her life, her social life, her best friend, I am getting that my client lives in, you know, essentially what I'm gonna call a dieting culture. Her best friend, she describes as overweight and essentially unsuccessful dieters. And they're always like, you know, exchanging ideas, tips, books, this, that, the other thing, talking as people will about their shared challenge, we do that. It's fine. It's great for humans to talk about their shared challenge. It's a wonderful thing. The challenge is that when it comes to weight, when we are living in a dieting culture, and then my client comes to see me, I'm doing some culture change with them, and their culture, their dieting culture is not going to, um, it's not gonna work. And it hasn't worked. My client's dieting culture hasn't worked. How do I know this? Because they're here to see me. If their culture was truly supporting them in long-term sustainable weight loss, then it would've worked.
And from my experience, what I've noticed about the world, working with clients, working with friends and loved ones, and just observing humans, there's a kind of dieting culture or mentality that just reproduces itself. It's kind of, it, it, it doesn't go anywhere
needs to change, okay? You know, so I'm wondering in the back of my mind, damn, if I was hurt, what would happen if I lost weight? How am I friends gonna feel? They're gonna go, whoa, we love you. You lost a bunch of weight and now you're, you have what? We don't, you'd be surprised or maybe you wouldn't. Um, the jealousies that happen, the friendships that get lost, the subtle digs that happen, the judgments that happen when someone in a social system starts losing weight and others don't. So you remember she said her mom was always quote unquote overweight or fat. Um, I'm quoting her. She loves her mom. You know, just like, how'd your relationship with mom really loves her mom? Um, like really? You can tell. And she says it. And here's another little thing that goes off in the back of my mind. Okay? I wanna call a timeout here for a second. So this is a little simple thing. Oh yeah, my mom is overweight. Now, if this, if this person went to a, typically, typically trained medical doctor or dietician, or typically trained practitioner, practitioner, gonna take a history and like, okay, tell me about your parents' weight. Okay, well, my mom was overweight. And then the practitioner goes, aha, overweightness fatness runs in the family.
Ugh. Okay, why do I say that? Because that's where everybody stops. Oh, it runs in the family. It must be genetic. Um, no, I, in my mind, I'm beginning to wonder then, okay, great mom is overweight. So it is not unusual to have overweight parents, um, creating an environment that supports overweight children, uh, obvious.
But there's some interesting dynamics, emotional dynamics, personal dynamics. Dare I use the term psychodynamics that go on. One of the things that goes on with mother and daughter, father and son as well, but in a different way, mother and daughter, especially around the body. I'm sorry to say this, my friend, especially mothers and daughters around the body. Oftentimes a daughter does not want to surpass her mother, not only when it comes to weight, but in general, if you love your mother, if the daughter loves her mother, why would she wanna show her up? Why would she wanna leave her mother in the dust? Why would she wanna be better than her mother, smarter than her mother, happier than her mother, thinner than her mother who is struggling with her weight? So the mom is still struggling with her weight and has been lifelong struggling with her weight. So I know from my experience and my training is this with every daughter? No, my friends, no, but you listen for this, you're alert to it. We're very human. If you love your mom, even if you don't love her so much, or even if you're angry at her or mad at her, there's always a part of us, often a part of us that doesn't want to surpass our same sex parent for men. They might not wanna surpass their dads in, in, in, in success.
Now, when you have a mature parent, a mother who's in her queen, a father who's in his king, a queen or a king is happy for their progeny, their prince or their princess to surpass them, I'd love for my son to leave me in the dust. Go for it. Congratulations. So I'm just being aware that daughters often don't wanna surpass their mothers. I just got that in the back of my mind. You see how we're diving into nuance here? Because these things are gonna be important. It's not just, okay, eat less, exercise more. Ugh. Okay? So here's Leslie's diet.
Ooh, la la okay. So now by the way, in, in, in another conversation, you are going to hear how I do a dietary intake. Uh, so I'm not gonna focus on that right now, but at some point in the conversation, in a first session with a weight loss client, and believe it or not, it's usually towards the end. I never do a dietary intake first thing. And this is what every other practitioner does when it comes to their nutrition, diet, weight loss clients. Okay, let's do the dietary intake. And usually it's on a piece of paper or a chart that you write down. No, no, no, no, no. So I do it at the end of a session. Why? I'm gonna tell you why, because I'm letting my client know there's more important things to talk about first. Oh yeah. Now let's get to diet. So I'm playing it down because everybody thinks it's the food, is the food, is the food, is the galleries, is the food. And maybe it is, but I'm playing it down. So we've already had 40, 40 minutes of conversation, okay, Mrs. Ms. Client, let's talk about diet breakfast. What time do you eat breakfast? 7:00 AM So she has a large coffee from Dunking Donuts plus sweet and low. Okay? Soon as I hear sweet and low, I eat artificial sweetener, I hear dieting consciousness. Why? Because no human should be eating and consuming an artificial sweetener. Sorry to say, it's just nonsense. It doesn't work. It's insane. Uh, 50 years of artificial sweeteners, every piece of research that's ever done on an artificial sweeteners, they don't help you lose weight. Quite the opposite. If artificial sweeteners worked, they would've worked already. It's nonsense. It's horse pucky. They don't work. But, hmm, I'm not gonna go off on my client around that. I'm gonna get angry while I'm talking to you because I know you love me and you're not gonna hold it against me. It just drives me crazy. Oh wow. I'm gonna have this tiny packet of artificial sweetener and that's gonna make a difference. Ugh, okay. So, but what I hear is, oh, my client is in dieting consciousness and she has been programmed by the world to stay in that kind of dieting culture. So I'm taking note of that. So with that large cup, cup of coffee and her artificial sweetener, she has a muffin or a donut, or she has breakfast cereal at home with skim milk or non-fat milk. She has cheerios. Uh, or on the weekends she'll have pancakes with, you know, syrup. And it's not even real maple syrup and or butter. Um, she has a snack around. Okay, Mr. And Mrs. Client, do you have a snack? Yes. Uh, between burger and lunch, around 10:00 AM she has a cup of coffee, uh, artificial sweetener. Once again, she has a granola bar that she buys from the supermarket. And maybe in addition, a bagel with butter. So this is all at work. Um, lunch is around two 30. Hmm, I'm taking note of that. Lunch is two 30. I consider that a late lunch for a lot of people for every human. No, but I'm taking note of that. Uh, another cup of coffee plus artificial sweeteners. So right now I'm already noticing a large cup of coffee at breakfast, cup of coffee at snack, cup of coffee, at lunch. She has usually an eggplant parmesan hero, ham and cheese sandwich, or a fried chicken bucket. And in addition, she has a bag of chips and a diet coke. More caffeine snack. Do you have a snack between lunch and dinner? Yes, she has a diet coke, more caffeine and a bag of corn chips or cookies. Dinner is around eight o'clock, it's at home. Um, she makes herself a dinner. It's usually some kind of pasta, some kind of meat, some kind of cooked veggies. She has bread and butter, she has ice cream for dessert. And then in around 11:00 PM she has cookies or frozen yogurt or both. Okay? Now you might be looking at this diet or listening to this diet and you think, oh my God, this person has a horrible diet, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, a lot of people eat like this. Um, I'm not sitting there in judgment of a client like this at all. This is what this client eats because this is how they've been conditioned, programmed by the world, by media, by advertising, by their upbringing. I do my best to never, ever, ever judge a person for what they eat. This is mucho important that people are gonna pick up on that. I learned this the hard way. Um, now that doesn't mean when I hear my client talking about this diet, I wanna scream honestly what's going on inside me. Part of me wants to scream. I wanna scream at the world. I wanna scream at whoever invented these diets and these foods and this way of being and this way of eating. I wanna scream, but I don't because I understand that we're here to uplift each other and we're here to educate each other. And I'm not gonna say to this client, you are eating a bunch of junk. Because what happens is, in the popular media, in the popular culture, what's often done is this is the diet that's presented really in a lot of ways is this is what you eat. Because every supermarket, every store be little convenience store you go into, this is what they have. And then we make fun of people who eat healthy in the media. So you always gotta make fun of those people in the mass media, not in the alternative media, but the mass media will make fun of vegetarians or make fun of health food eaters. Um, so it creates a schism in people's minds. Um, you, so you either eat junk food or you're a weirdo hippie. That's what a lot of junk food eaters who've been conditioned that way have in the back of their mind. They don't wanna be a weirdo hippie. They don't wanna be a left wing righteous, you know, organic foodie. Um, they'd rather be like this. What I know in my mind is that it's not an either or. Okay? Here's what's going on in my mind, what's going on in my mind is here's a human who is eating poor quality food. That by itself will impact weight, plain and simple. So she's eating poor quality food. We all know that already. She has what I consider a skewed eating rhythm at lunch. Most likely, what I mean by that is that she's eating lunch, not in the ideal metabolic hours. So our digestive metabolism is strongest between approximately 12 to one 30. She has just gone beyond that time. So she's eating at not a metabolically strong time in her day. The reason why she eats a late lunch to my mind is in part it's about work. Because she's pushing through at work as long as she can without eating. So she's eating at her desk. She could eat lunch whenever she wants, for the most part at her desk. But because she's tanking up on caffeine, caffeine will allow people, she's doing a 10:00 AM snack. Essentially. She's eating caffeine plus carbohydrates. Those carbohydrates will digest a little quick. The caffeine will give her a buzz. She's going to get a hit of energy and that will give her a false metabolism. Oh, I got energy. It's a little bit of a false metabolism. A skewed metabolism, meaning the false metabolism. She hasn't eaten high quality food, digest that high quality food, extract the nutrition from and extract the energy from it, burn that, sustain that she's doing. What most humans are trained to do, many humans are trained to do, which is when you need quote unquote energy, you do caffeine plus sugar. Now, I'm not saying that's bad. I will do caffeine plus carbs when I feel like doing it. It can be a very useful strategy. I got no problem with it. However, I will have a problem with it if it is impacting my client's goal. So my client is saying to me, my goal is weight loss.
Now, if this exact same person came to me or we met on the street and she was happy and health and had no health issues and had no weight issues and she described to me this exact diet, I would say, okay, big hug, good for you. If she's happy and healthy and feeling good about herself and has the weight she wants, I don't change anybody's diet. It's not my job. It is only my job if you come to me. But here's why I'm saying this, my friends, a lot of us think us, us practitioners who understand healthy nutrition, we think it's our job to change the way the world eats. It sounds like a noble job. Trust me, I was there for many, many years. I wanted to change how the world eats. And if you're focused on changing how the world eats, you're gonna focus on the food. Now, that's fine. You know, that's clearly fine. I'm gonna say that's okay. 'cause I know a lot of good people who are dedicated, they're working in the food industry, they're working with different interest groups to make sure that our food is healthier. Okay? That's a noble cause. But it's easy to miss the target and to forget that your job is not to change how a person eats. Your job is to change how they live, how they understand, how they see, how they sense how they feel is to help them step into their body wisdom. Because when you help a person step into their body, wisdom, healthy eating gradually becomes a side effect of a person getting smarter and wiser.
Not a show you're eating junk food, don't eat the junk food. Oh, thank you for telling me not to eat junk food. Of course I'll do that because you're the nutritionist, you know best. That never happens. Okay? So she's got a skewed eating rhythm at lunch. Her macronutrient balance is skewed at breakfast and snacks. What does that mean? I'm looking at her breakfast and her mid-morning snack and I'm noticing there's, she doesn't have basically hardly any protein up until two 30 and she has little to no healthy fat. Maybe if she's truly eating a good quality butter, she's getting some healthy fat, but she has a little protein and a little healthy fat up until 2:30 PM She mostly has carbohydrates, caffeine, and likely some unhealthy fat up until 2:30 PM Is that an issue for all humans all the time? No. But if you are complaining to me that you can't lose weight, and I'm hearing very low in protein and fat between the time you wake up and two 30 ish pm then what I'm hearing is that that might be a place to work. Macronutrient balance might be a place to work. Okay? I'm definitely getting that. She has excess caffeine in her diet. Why? Because she's doing caffeine. Large cup of coffee at breakfast, large cup of coffee at 10:00 AM more coffee at two 30 plus a diet Coke, plus a diet Coke at 6:00 PM and she's complaining. Remember, she's complaining of lethargy. So what I'm starting to hear is why is my client lethargic? Well, you know, you could say maybe she has a long-term virus in her system, or a bug in her system, or she has some genetic anomaly that makes her low energy, ah, she has a poor quality diet. You go for the law of averages. First, if you showed me this diet, not the person, just this diet on a piece of paper, I would guess and say you are dealing with a person who experiences low energy. You're dealing with a person who experiences brain fog and you're dealing with a person who's trying to lose weight. That's what I would say. Just looking at this diet.
So she's using caffeine for brain power. Why? Because she's undernourished. She has a diet that is nutrient deficient. I don't need to break down, I don't need to take the donuts in the sweeten low and break 'em down and say, oh, know, you only have this amount of magnesium and calcium, my friends, you just look at this and you go, there's there's not a lot of real food in her diet. Of course she's gonna be low energy. Okay? So she's using the caffeine to give her energy. Excess artificial sweeteners. To me, any artificial sweetener is excess artificial sweetener. It makes your taste buds stupid. I'm gonna say that straight up. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm not saying you are stupid if you use that, I'm saying it dumbs down, artificial sweeteners, dumb down taste buds. Taste is an intelligence. I mean that taste is an intelligence. Many people have fifth grade taste buds. Why? Because that's how they were educated. They were educated with poor quality food. So your taste buds, your taste intelligence thinks this is food. This is why for those of you that used to eat much more junk and then you started eating healthier, and then at some point you realize, oh my God, I can't possibly go back to what I used to eat. It tastes so bad. Why does it taste bad? Because your taste buds, your intelligence, your brain. That's where your taste comes from. It's the brain. That's the determining taste. Your brain got smarter. It's all got more intelligent. It's like, whoa, this doesn't work. Okay? She has appetite dysregulation due to poor quality food, caffeine, and fast eating. That's my assessment. Notice how much she's eating at night. She has a big meal at night. Um, one of the reasons, believe it or not, she probably has a big meal at night and a big snack at 11:00 PM One of the reasons, and it might be the main reason, is because when you eat a diet that is not nutrient dense, not natural, not grown in accordance with how nature works and how humans work, the brain is not smart enough to say, Hey, you know, you are eating food that doesn't really have nutritional integrity. IE you're nutrient deficient. The brain just screams hungry. She's not getting enough essential fatty acid. She's not getting enough healthy protein. She's deficient in all, I guarantee you, all kinds of micronutrition meaning vitamins and minerals. The brain is not smart enough to say, Hey, you need to eat healthier food. The brain just screams hungry and you think you have an appetite or a willpower problem? No, you don't actually have a problem. Your brain is smart. Your brain is talking to you and saying, hungry, hungry, hungry. It's hungering for nutrition. Okay? So she has appetite dysregulation due to all that. And my assessment is she's got social pressure actually to be overweight. That's when I'm believing in my mind, based on what she tells me, you know something when I'm talking to her. I've hardly even gotten into this case study. And we're pulling out so many nuances because I am trying to give you a window into my world about how the tiniest piece of information is so important to understanding your client's story. Because I watched her when she spoke about her boyfriend, I looked at her face, I looked at her body language, I looked when she was talking about going out to eat with her best friends. And when she talks about her best friends being overweight, when she talks about going out to eat, I could see the guilt on her face. I could see the frustration on her face. She didn't even know why. Because she's living in a culture that really, on the one hand, everybody's trying to lose weight, but on another hand, unbeknownst to everyone in that culture, they don't really want the person next to them to lose weight. Really, really, really? Because what does that mean about me if I didn't lose weight? We get a little jealous. It's kind of what happens to humans, especially in the weight zone, because the weight world, the weight loss world is already filled with so much nonsense and so much weight hate and so much hope and so much fear. It just creates a strange culture. That's all. Humans aren't mean. It just, we get put in a situation by the world how it teaches us about weight and food. Okay? So here's some of the takeaways from session number one. You know what chit chatted with her. We had a little discussion about her social world and weight loss. And I said to her, you know, I can help you. I really think I could help you based on everything I've gathered from this first session together. I can help you get where you want to go. I'm pretty confident about that. Here's some of the things we're gonna be looking at Mrs. Client. Here's some of the things we're gonna be looking at. Uh, believe it or not, the first thing that pops up for me, miss client, is that I wonder, I wonder if you are actually willing to be thinner than your friends and thinner than your mom and thinner than your boyfriend. Like, I really like, I think about these things because you live in a universe where the people around you are struggling to lose weight. And you know, you know people as good as I do. I mean, think about that. What's gonna happen if all of a sudden all this weight comes off and you got this exact hot body that you want? Like, are you gonna be celebrated? Are you gonna be loved? So that's something we're gonna have to look at. That's something that's gonna come up in an in, you know, future conversations. Like what that means in terms of you losing weight and how that, what's that gonna be about for your friends, your boyfriend, your mom, you know, also Leslie, miss client, you mentioned that you know, you really want to enroll your boyfriend in weight loss. You told me he's not as motivated as you. So I'm thinking, huh, that's tough. That's really hard. Like you have your work cut out for you. So that's something we're gonna have to look at together. 'cause I really wanna support you in that. Now, by the way, just bringing up those two connections, you could see the lights come on for her. Why do the lights come on for her? Because we are humans and we are smart. And when you and I are alerted to something that deep down inside we know, but we just weren't thinking about, and somebody points it out to us, oh my goodness, you're right. So she immediately knows because she's 28 years old, she's been around the corner a few times. She knows people get jealous, she knows she understands the weight universe because she's around people trying to lose weight all the time. I bet she's even seen somebody lose weight that she knows and she's gotten jealous of them. I didn't say that to her, but she was intrigued by these connections. Why am I pointing that out to you? I'm pointing that out to you because I notice that as a practitioner that is important to me. 'cause I know I'm on the right track with this person. If you're intrigued, then we're on the right track. It means I hit the target
and I told her, listen, you know, at some point you are gonna have to have a real conversation with your boyfriend. Not now, not this time around, but at some point you're gonna need to have a real conversation with your boyfriend around this weight loss thing, an honest conversation. Because he's gotta either be on board with supporting you in losing weight and he's gotta make his choice for him. If he doesn't wanna dive into weight loss, that's, that's his prerogative, that's his choice. He's a free man, but I just wanna make sure he's supporting you even if he's not moving in that direction himself. And if he is moving in that direction, we have to make sure that he's not holding you back. I'm not sure what that means, but, but that's on, that's on my radar.
Now already she loves this because I'm talking about things that she hasn't considered. So right then and there, as I'm looking at her, I know I've got a client, this person likes me because she sees, hmm, he's picking out some interesting connections, more takeaways from this first session. I let her know, you know something, here's some of my strategies that we're gonna be doing. I just wanna let you know if we're going to continue working together. Notice that line my friends, I'm laying it on the line. I'm not saying, oh, please, Mrs. Client, don't leave me. I need a client. If you leave me, I'm gonna hate myself. No, hey, Mrs. Client, if we're gonna continue working together, here's what I am gonna be focusing on. And, and we're gonna do this in a way that works for you. Don't worry. But here's what I'm gonna focus on. So before I even tell you what that is, if you're not looking at the slide right now, I'm setting up my client, I am letting them know I'm not needy. I am letting them know we're actually in a choice session. Because you are going to choose at some point whether you wanna continue this work or not. And she will by the end of the session, because in a first session I'm telling her, Hey, you know, here's what we're gonna focus on. We're gonna focus on food quality for you.
We're gonna focus on upping slowly in a way that works for you, upping the quality of your food. So you are eating more nutrient dense food. Now the reason why I say that is because when you and I are eating nutrient dense food, our appetite is very naturally and easily regulated. You have challenges with your appetite, in my opinion, in my professional experience because your food is not that nutrient dense, it's lacking in high quality nutrition. It's lacking in essential fats. It's lacking in micronutrition, that means vitamins and minerals. So as we slowly increase your food quality, your body is going to say, oh, I'm getting what I need. Because when we're eating what a lot of experts call empty calories, empty calories mean okay, there's a lot of carbs in there, but there's not a lot of nutrition, there's not a lot of vitamins, minerals, et cetera. So when we eat empty calories, the body hungers for food. Notice how I didn't say you're eating junk food. Notice how I framed it in the positive. I just want you to notice how I'm using language, you know? So we're gonna work on it gradually. And notice how I didn't say we're gonna change your diet because you young lady are eating junk. How stupid can you possibly be? No, I'm not saying that I'm slowly enrolling her in a positive way, in an uplifting way. I'm not insulting her, I'm not insulting her diet. I'm not insulting her choices because this is what she's been taught. I have no right to insult someone
or silently judge them. 'cause people are gonna pick up on that. I said also, you know, we're gonna work on macronutrient balance for you. So macronutrients macro means big nutrient nutrients. So the big nutrients are proteins, fats, and carbohydrates. You know, a lot of times you probably heard of these high protein diets. So, so I'm, I'm explaining this to her exactly as I'm saying this to you right now. So what I noticed about your diet is that up until about two 30, you don't have any protein in your diet really, and you don't have really any healthy essential fats. When that happens, we can get irritable, we can get fatigued, we can get brain foggy, we can get tired.
So we're gonna probably experiment with some point with changing your breakfast and your mid-morning snack. I'm, I'm not gonna take any food away. That's not, food amount is actually not your problem at all. Okay? And, and, and this might shock you, but we're gonna, we're gonna play with macronutrient balance. I'm not gonna give you anything you don't want to eat. We're gonna play with that and see if that can impact your energy level, your appetite as a good chance. That can be one of the keys that stimulates weight loss for you. Notice I'm explaining this to her. You know, I've also noticed something about your meal timing. There's something in my training, um, that we've learned about, not many people know about. Not many professionals know about this, but there's tons of research on it. Bio circadian, nutrition, the timing of our meals. You know, for a lot of people, their ideal, their, their, their most metabolically active time of day for digestion, assimilation and calorie burning. The time of day that you are the leanest, meanest calorie burning machine is when the sun is highest in the sky, approximately 12 to one 30, you're eating what I would consider a late lunch. You are missing your key metabolic hours.
I would rather you eat your lunch somewhere between the 12 to one-ish range just as an experiment. This is, we're we're experimenting just to see what happens. 'cause sometimes that shift is enough to stimulate weight loss. So notice my friends, I'm speaking in a positive right now. You know, I'm also gonna tell you, I've noticed you do a lot of caffeine. You've been doing a bunch of diet cokes and you do a bunch of coffees. Now, I just wanna let you know, I drink coffee, I do caffeine. I got no problem with caffeine, zero whatsoever. And it's how we use it. So for many people, what happens is if they're not getting the right nutrition, if they don't have the right meal timing, if they don't have the right macronutrient balance, and if they don't have the right food quality, they get fatigued. And then what do you and me, what do I do when I get fatigued? Oh my goodness, I must be caffeine deficient. I'm coffee deficient, I'm diet coke deficient. No, you're not deficient in caffeine. We just gotta tweak mealtime. And we just gotta tweak macronutrient balance. We just gotta tweak food quality because honestly, for a lot of people, caffeine can give them what I call a false metabolism. Makes you feel like you have energy, but you're really not. You're kind of milking your nervous system for energy and you don't really have a true calorie burning metabolism. So these are some of the things that we're gonna be working on.
So my friends,
here's what we did because my client was on board.
We spent the last half hour of the session. We spent extra time. I had the time, she had the time she was on board. I can see it. So she's ready to make the dietary changes. Like, okay, let's go. So Leslie, just, I just wanna make up a list right now of all the possible things that you might like to eat for breakfast, all the possible things that you might like to eat at snacks, all the possible things that you like to eat at lunch. Just like all the possibilities. So we start to make a list and everything you're about to see just about that I'm now recommending to her came from her list. I'm picking things out from her list. She likes Turkey bacon, she likes eggs. So I'm like, great. Okay, for the next couple of weeks for breakfast, I would like you to have Turkey bacon. Uh, and what else do you like at breakfast? So she really likes toast. She really likes some kind of bread. She needs some kind of muffin. I'm like, okay. So for breakfast, on any given day, you could either have Turkey, bacon and toast or eggs and toast. 'cause she says she likes Turkey bacon. She says she likes eggs. I'm trying to get more protein and fat in her breakfast. I told her I would like you to have one cup of, like an actual cup, a measured cup of coffee as opposed to, you know, the big huge mug of coffee, which is kind of like three cups. And I want you to use a natural sweetener. I want you to use real honey, real maple syrup or real brown sugar. I want you to completely get off of artificial sweeteners. Oh my god, it has more calories. Yes, I understand it has more calories, but you wanna know something. Artificial sweeteners can fool the brain. Uh, your brain thinks you are eating sugar because your taste buds taste sweet and you actually have an insulin response. Your body produces more insulin. And for many people, when you overproduce insulin, you're going to eventually create excess fat deposition, especially around the midsection. So it's not a secret. The research has shown that artificial sweeteners can actually stimulate an insulin release in the body because the brain gets fooled. It thinks it's eating sugar. I want you to start to eat real food. So there's her breakfast and she's happy about this change. It's like, okay, I could do that. She's hearing in her mind, I'm eating more calories, Turkey, bacon and eggs sound more to her. She asked me if she should just have the egg whites. I'm like, no, I, with any client with just with 99 point 99% of clients, um, you know, unless their gallbladder was removed, I never hold back on how much healthy fat they can eat. So there's her new breakfast snack. So we went through the list of snacks. She likes yogurt, she likes trail mix. Great. I want you to go to a health food store. I want you to, or the health food section of your supermarket. I, I, I want you to do any kind of organic trail mix or I want you to do a yogurt, but it has to be a full fat, organic yogurt. So notice I'm starting to push her towards the organic. I didn't ask her to do organic Turkey bacon. I didn't even ask her to do free range eggs. But here, let me slip a little bit of that in you can get organic yogurt at any supermarket. You can get organic trail mix at any supermarket. Have your one cup of coffee at your snack. Why? I'm, I'm okay with that. I want to go slow with her lunch. So I asked her to have lunch between the 12 to one 30 range. Um, I asked her to start preparing a lunch on some days. What could you prepare for yourself from this list that we talked about? So she likes tuna. You know, like a, like a tuna salad sandwich. Great. Make your own tuna salad at home. I'd like you to put a little bit of olive oil in your tuna salad. Fine to have some mayonnaise in there. I got no problem. Do ever any amount you want. Um, there's a salad bar nearby. We talked about that. I said, great. I want you to have some kind of, some kind of meat, um, with your salad. Some kind of eggs or some kind of tuna. I would like for you to not do coffee or diet coke at lunch. Have something else. Drink some water. Lady drinks, no water. Um, so I'm asking, going to eat a earlier lunch. Everything that's on this list are things that she likes
once again, for her mid-afternoon snack. I asked her to get away from the caffeine. Have some herbal tea, have some black tea, have some green tea, have a piece of fruit, or have another yogurt. It's up to you. Choose people like choice and check this out. We're not gonna change your dinner. We're not gonna change your dessert. We're not gonna change her evening snack. Why?
Um, you know, I don't wanna change anything in the evening because it would've been too much for her. I wanted her to feel good about it all. I wanted to reward her because, you know, right now her evening meal is like a reward. She loves her evening meal. That's her meal at home. And she makes a big one and she enjoys it. And you know something, I've just changed the way she eats in the first two thirds of their day. Oftentimes when you do that successfully, people start to naturally change their diet on their own. So I'm giving her an opportunity to s to see. I just wanna see what happens with her evening meal. So we're gonna keep her dinner, her dessert, and her evening snack the same. I just want you to notice that strategy, because I drew the line there. I could have said, yeah, we're gonna change dinner changes dessert. Tomy would've been too much. I want her to keep some of her old ways. I want to go slow. Why? Because I'm experienced at this. I understand that you don't wanna hit people too hard, even though she's all excited. And even though I actually, and, and she's agreed to every change that I've just told you. Why? Because I went through her list. What do you like to eat for breakfast? I don't care if you think it's healthy or not. We collect the list. What do you like to eat for breakfast, for lunch, for snacks? And from that list, I pull what I think is healthier for her, based on the fact that I want to change her macronutrient balance. I want to get her eating more healthy, fat, more protein, little bit less caffeine. So I, okay, we'll keep your caffeine in the morning. We'll keep your caffeine in the mid-morning. Okay? Lunchtime, let's do things a little different. Okay? Late afternoon snack. You wanna have some caffeine. Do it in the form of black tea. Let's just see. So I'm slowly cutting down on her caffeine, okay? After two weeks, she comes back to me with these changes. So she's done these dietary changes. I wanted to give her two weeks. I didn't want her to come back in one week because I wanted this diet to play itself out. These changes to play itself out. So my client comes back to me, she has more energy. She really loves her new diet. She says to me, it feels like I'm eating more food. But she didn't gain weight. So she weighs herself a lot. So she's shocked. By the way, this is one of the reasons why she loves her diet. Because she feels like she's eating more food. Those were her words. She did say she misses Diet Coke. Why does she miss Diet Coke? I'm gonna tell you straight up, people get, uh, I don't like to use the word addicted, but I'm gonna use it. People get addicted to diet Coke. It is very addicting. I have had a harder time in my life, my professional life, getting people off of Diet Coke than I have getting them off of coffee or cigarettes or alcohol. Not everybody, but a lot of people. I kid you not, I will, I can sooner get a person to lead their husband or their wife than to give up Diet Coke for a lot of people. I'm kidding. Sort of. Um, so she feels like she's eating more food. You know, one of the reasons is because she's eating more protein and fat. And for a lot of people, they conceive, they think fat and protein is more than carbohydrate. Cutting down on the coffee was actually fine for her. Um, she said, you know, I, I got more energy. She, her mood she said was better. Her words, I feel better now. That's not profound, but I know what she's saying. She's eating healthier now. And because I took her along slowly, I didn't have her eating, you know, seaweed and tofu and brown rice, you know, all of a sudden, no, we're moving slow. She feels better without me having said, Hey, tell your boyfriend this, that, the other thing. I said, we're gonna visit that at some point. So of course she's gonna come back. Of course, she's gonna show her diet to her boyfriend. He starts following that diet and he likes it. So all I had did was talk about her boyfriend. She brings back the diet, she shows him the diet. So he really likes it. Just something interesting to note. Okay, next. So our second session, we worked on slowing down with food, especially at dinner. So she's a fast eater. And with all clients, I don't care what their issue is. My job is to help them become a slow eater. I don't care how long it takes. Remember what slow means. It's not just a miles per hour thing. Slow is relaxed. It's pleasured, it's nourished, it's sensual. If I'm talking to a woman with all due respect or a sensitive man, I'm gonna let them know slow is the new sexy. It's all about awareness. It's sensation. If you like food, take time with it. Enjoy it. Savor it. Yes, I told her, I explained to her with scientific mind cookies, here's what's happening. When you eat fast, you go into the stress response. Here's what the stress response does. So I explained that to her. I'm not just telling you, you need to eat slow. So I'm needing you to fill in the blanks here right now. So I explained to her the science of fast eating. I will tell her fast eating is considered a stress or by the body, what that means. 'cause the body's not designed to eat fast. The body needs approximately 20 minutes to assess the nutrient content of a meal to see, do I need more? Do I need less? Is the meal finished? Do I need to continue? Did I get enough protein, fat, carbohydrate, water, vitamins, minerals. So the brain needs time. When you and I eat fast, the brain thinks, oh my God, she must be being chased by a lion. Stress response, heart rate or blood pressure up increased insulin, increased cortisol, which can signal the body to store weight, store fat, not build muscle. The opposite of what you want. If you want weight loss. On top of that, when we're in a stress response, we're in some degree of digestive shutdown, which is why you have digestive issues. And our appetite is deregulated when we eat fast, because the brain needs time to scan the meal to see if we've gotten enough. So if you eat a huge meal fast, have you ever done that, Mr. And Mr. Ms client? You ever eat a big meal really fast and your belly is full, but your mouth is still hungry? Yeah. Yeah. That's happened to me. Yeah. Well, that's what's going on. The brain in your belly says full because it's distended. There's so much food in there. But your head, brain says, I didn't get taste pleasure, or, I'm not satisfaction hungry. So I'm explaining this to her so I can get by. Okay, so in the second session, we're working down, working on slow eating. And I said, especially at dinner, I said, consider, there's only one thing I want you to let go of at dinner. See if you're gonna let go of the bread and butter. How does that sound to you? Oh, yeah, I, I think I could do that. So what I'm trying to do is, instead of saying, you know, you eat too much food at dinner, you crazy food eating person. No, we're gonna slow down at dinner if poss possible, let go of bread and butter. So I'm giving her the choice. I said, you know, you could consider at some point cutting down on how much pasta you do. I don't care. Cut it down 10%. Any anybody can cut down a meal. 10%. Just 10%. What I'm really asking her to do is focus a little more, because I know she's eating a big meal and a big dessert in the evening time. 'cause there's a part of her that's checking out, there's a part of her that's not present. So I'm inviting presents. That's what I'm doing. I'm not saying you have to, you can't eat gluten, you can't eat butter, you can't eat bread. Bread's bad for you. Pasta makes you fat. No, she's not there. That would be horrible for me to say to this client, I want to create a whole culture of positivity when I'm working with her. I'm inspiring her. I'm giving her the power. Hey, if possible, cut down with the bread and butter at dinner if possible, I want you to cut down on the amount of pasta. And I always tell people, if I want 'em to cut down at dinner on a carbohydrate, and it's usually pasta or bread, I said, cut it down by 10 or 15%. Anybody just, just eyeball it. So I'm getting her to be more conscious. That's the important part. Here's what I did. I said, you know, for your evening, you know, dessert, instead of doing the ice cream or whatever it is, you know, go to a health store, look in your supermarket, see if you can get some organic sorbet. I now, you know, you find a good organic sorbet. This is like, it doesn't matter to the average person that it's organic, but I'm getting her accustomed to thinking in that way. Because honestly, if my client could afford it, that's the direction I wanna move them in. I want to move her into a different understanding of food. But I don't want to hit people too hard. Oh yeah. I did say to her, Hey, you know, if there's some meals where you can do rice instead of pasta, try that out. Why? Because rice, even if it's white rice, it's gonna have a more fiber than your average pasta. It's going to have a, it's going to digest a little slower than your average pasta. It's going to have less of a blood sugar increase, insulin increase on average for most people than pasta. Is that true for everyone? No. But it's a shift. It's a change. I wanna start to see if we can change her taste, but intelligence. And I said, you know, for that evening snack, I, the most important thing, I don't want you to let it go. I, and, and she loves this. I said, I want you to eat it slow. I want you to relax. I want you to enjoy it. I said, that's the whole point. And I always, uh, not always, I often use the sex analogy. I said, you know, you, you rushed through your evening meal. How do I know? You told me you tend to rush through your, your evening dessert and snack. How do I know? You told me. I said, that's like a person's, and, and you said you love food. That's like a person who says, yeah, I love sex. Let's get it over with really fast. So people get that analogy. No, if you love something, make it last. Enjoy it. Savor it. I, so you hear how I'm inviting her into presence consciousness? I'm asking her in another way to say this is to embody get in your body. Because when humans get in their body, which means slowing down, when humans get in their body, which means, oh, let me start to tweak my diet. And I'm giving her tweaks that have a good bang for the buck. Oh, I shifted in this way and this worked. I feel better. I have more energy. So then you are learning. The body is learning. Oh, I make this change with my food. This positive thing happens. That's a positive reward for your nervous system. She is learning. I don't have to say, no, you should eat this and don't eat that. No. I want a person's body to learn. I want their body wisdom to develop. And that takes time. It takes being gentle. You can't hit someone over the head and say, you eat junk. You need to eat healthy food. No, what you need is more body wisdom. So I am sneaking her into body wisdom by making changes in her diet that for her are doable. That she has agreed to that. Now she is seeing that works. So now she's on board. Now I have a client because she sees, oh, this is working.
I feel better. Okay, I want her to come back in two more weeks. And sure enough, she has successfully decreased the bread at dinner, the pasta at dinner. And she is wowed by slowing down. That was her word. She was like wowed by that. Um, what did she mean by that? She's already eating less in the evening. She says her appetite was much lower. So without controlling herself, without forcing herself, without banging her head against the wall, her appetite is naturally regulating itself. I'm not having to go home with her and sit there and say, chew your food 65 times. No, I talked about the sensuousness of slowing down and eating. And she's seeing in her own body, oh my goodness, this works. And it's easy. She loves the sorbet. Turns out she went shopping at Whole Foods. She loves that. Um, you know, some people don't like that at first. You know, if, if they're used to the typical supermarket, you know, whole Foods and a lot of the big supermarket chains, they're making themselves look less intimidating. Um, so, you know, there's a whole new people, the whole new generation now where Whole Foods is, is, is becoming the supermarket for a lot of people. Um, you know, I have my issues with a lot of the foods that are sold in health food stores of all kinds. And the bottom line is, probability wise, you're gonna come out with healthier foods from your typical health food store than your typical supermarket. So she's decreased her evening snack naturally. And look at this, she's got about a five pound weight loss, and she's telling me her digestion feels better. So she has a five pound weight loss. Hallelujah, my friends, that's some pretty good news. Now, any other nutritionist, dietician, practitioner might say five pound weight loss. And this is after a month.
That's after a month. That's not a lot. And you wanna know something, I could care less. Because what I know is as I begin to move my client towards a natural way of being and a natural way of living, and a natural and nourished way of eating, the body will be begin to take care of itself. The body will do what it needs to do. I trust the human body. I particularly trust the human body. When we are putting the human body in its best conditions to succeed, the body has a wisdom. Your body breathes itself. Your body goes to sleep, your body wakes up, your body digests food, your body pumps blood, all without your personal input. Really, it does these things automatically. The body has a deep wisdom. So the weight will come off how and when it needs to come off. So if she would've told me she had a one pound weight loss, I'd go great. If she would've told me she had a no pound weight loss, I would go, you know, something? So far so good. Because look, everything we have had success.
You feel better. Your digestion is better, your appetite is decreased. We're moving in the right direction. Her weight loss metabolism will do what it does. We can't predict it. Her digestion feeling bad, like good news, and she lost weight. Of course, my client likes that.
By the way, I didn't take this scale away from the client because I didn't feel I needed to, you know, it was more important for me to tweak her diet than anything else. And more important for me to help her slow down and see her social system with other clients, I have them throw out the scale with this person. Not at all. Um, that was just an intuitive guess.
Okay, session number three, couple weeks later.
Now here I am. We've had some metabolic successes. She feels better, she has more energy. Her digestion's better, her appetite is lower, and she's lost some weight. So, you know what? Now I, me the practitioner, I feel comfortable pushing and going into, I feel comfortable going into some places where she might normally not go to, which is more her personal world. Okay? So now, even though she in the first session really loved the conversation around her boyfriend, um,
the conversation's heating up. And it turns out she had given, without even me talking to her, we we're now talking about her boyfriend. At third session. She had by herself, given him an ultimatum around taking care of himself. She didn't even say it was an ultimatum around losing weight. She wanted him to take better care of herself, better care of himself. She was actually taking better care of herself. And I was fascinated because she didn't, she didn't give him an ultimatum around weight. She gave him an ultimatum around taking care of himself. Now, where did she get this language? She got this language pretty much from me because I said, we are gonna help you nourish yourself better. And by nourishing yourself better on all levels, weight loss will oftentimes be a natural side effect of that. So now she's talking like that in her way to her boyfriend. So we had more of a conversation around that. And I was just inspiring her around her, claiming her power, because she can't let him stop her, nor her friends stop her. Turns out that conversation that she had with him, it was very moving for her because he cried. 'cause he has a lot of shame. And you're seeing it's not about weight loss. Sometimes we as humans, we're just not taking care of ourselves. Forget about weight. Now, does that mean anybody who's fat or big or carrying around extra weight is not taking care of themselves and should be ashamed? Absolutely not. But he was a person. He was a person who truly wasn't taking care of himself.
And here's his loved one saying to him, I need you to take care of yourself.
You have to do this, otherwise we have a problem. So she kinda laid it on the line. I was very proud of her. Um, so she's now telling me she feels more in alignment with him around lifestyle and food. And that's important for her. So it's not just honey, you need to change your diet. You need to not eat as much Diet Coke. No, we're in relationship. Me and you. I need to be in relationship with somebody who's taking care of himself. Because if you're not taking care of you, think about it. You won't take care of me. You won't take care of our kids. You won't take care of business. If you can't even take care of you.
That's where the logical mind ought to go.
So she's telling him, you need to step up as a person. Oh, I was so proud of her. And I detailed that out. I, I fed that back to her. I said, you know, great move. And here's why. I think, um, by the way, she reported that slow eating was a huge challenge for her. And I said, great. I congratulated her on trying. Thank you for working on that. This is very hard. I explained to her, I've been doing this for years. This is very hard. It's a deeply ingrained habit. This says nothing about you as a person. It's kind of like somebody who chain smokes. It's hard to stop. Um, also, I'm suggesting to her, I'm gonna make small nutritional tweaks now with her little nutritional tweaks each time. Okay, time to have more high quality meats. I would love for you to start doing free range meats, free range chicken, free range beef, like healthier quality meat. If you're going to eat meat, eat the highest quality. I also suggested that she try some fish. Why? Because I like people to mix it up. Um,
okay, a few more weeks. So I'm seeing her every two weeks. So she comes back session number four, another four pound weight loss. Uh, without me even talking about it. She started walking and biking with her boyfriend on weekends and some of the evenings. She described herself as feeling light and feeling really good about herself. I was blown away. Her face was looking completely different. We had not discussed exercise whatsoever. Why? Because she had told me she doesn't like exercise. So I was backing off that.
I just wanted to start in a place where we can create success. You gotta eat less and exercise more. It is like, this is like, you know, almost two months into the work. And I hadn't talked about exercise, but she naturally started doing it. And she did what she wanted to do. Ah, this is a wonderful client. Why? Because I'm inviting her into a way of being, into a way of feeling. And she's now taking responsibility for her own body in a natural way. I haven't pushed her or shoved her now because we have had conversations about her social system and her friends, and everybody sees that she's enjoying herself. So she was empowering herself around her friends. It turns out that her friends are following her quote unquote diet. So they're tracking exactly what she's doing. So whenever I'm doing with her, she's telling them, yeah, here's what we're doing. Like, great, good for you. In session number four, we now have a conversation about her mom. Now that's, this is a powerful conversation. I didn't, we mentioned it in the first session. Now, because I know Leslie and we've spent some time together and there's a familiarity and she trusts me and we have an ease in communication. So now we're gonna have a conversation about her mom. So I asked her about her mom, and I asked her, you know, argue, willing to be thinner than your mom, even though if she stays overweight, even though if she stays at the weight that she is at right now, could you do it? Could you lose 25 pounds and be, and sit there with your mother and be happy for yourself and not judge your mother and not want her to be anything but who she is and feel good about yourself and feel that you're not abandoning her and feel that you're somehow not harming her by you doing what you need to do. And, and this was a very powerful conversation because honestly, this was a deep place for her.
Now, is this what a typical doctor, dietician, nutritionist, exercise physiologist talks about with their client? Absolutely not. But man, if you're willing to have this conversation, what a fun conversation. And it's an explorative conversation. I'm not telling her what to do. We're having an exploration. Hey, I've noticed that a lot of women don't wanna surpass their mothers. A lot of men don't wanna surpass their fathers. Why? Because we love them and we feel like in some way it's harming them. But the deeper truth is that a good parent, when they're truly in their king hood or queen hood, they want their child to surpass them. But when they haven't been able to grow into their queen hood or king hood, they stay stuck in a youthful part of them, a younger part of them. And they don't even realize that they're competing with their own children. When you explain it in a generous way like that, they understand. I said, your mother is still in her princess stage. She hasn't stepped into her queen. So she's silently competing with you. Doesn't even know it. She's not meaning to harm you or hurt you. This is just where she is at in her personal evolution. And what I'm saying is that, and I said to her at some point, I am a child of my two parents. At some point I surpassed my father in certain ways. I surpassed my mother in certain ways, and they were okay with it. I was okay with it. And even in the times when I was worried about it, I still chose to move forward. And I made it okay inside me.
And this is a challenge that many of us face. We have to be willing to surpass our parents. And I had to know inside myself that this doesn't mean I don't love them.
This means that I am just stepping into my power. And hopefully that'll be an example for them.
Again, I asked her in this session to decrease her dinner amount by approximately another 10 or 15%.
So right now she's lost nine pounds.
Okay, a little bit about her mom. Her mom is 54 years old. And again, she's still living in the princess archetype. Consequently, the mom, I'm just giving you my psychological thinking here. So, the mom is in unconscious competition with her own daughter, acting as if they are sisters. A mother who hasn't stepped into her queen hood with her children will act like a sibling to her children. She will act like a sister to her daughter or a sister to her son, unconsciously, unknowingly be in competition, almost treating e treating her kids as if they're equals to them. Um, because the mother hasn't graduated into the queen archetype. She doesn't have the ability to elevate her daughter when it comes to food and body. Therefore, the daughter must do this by herself. And once my client understood this dynamic from a compassionate place, she was able to see that she needed to own her own body and not live in her mother's house. So I said to her, this is the language that I use many times. I will point out to a client who lives on their own and is an adult. I said to her, as long as you don't wanna surpass your mother, you're not willing to have a healthy relationship with food and body and reach your natural weight as long as you're afraid to do that. 'cause you're gonna surpass your mother. It means you're still living in your mother's house even though you don't live in her house. And you need to live in your own house. You need to be, you are a mature princess. You need to step into that maturity and that's gonna help you feel empowered. So I said to her, you're individuating. You're learning how to be your own person and your own adult. And you're learning how to find love and respect for yourself, independent of your approval from others. And in this case, your mother. Because deep down inside a father, I'm, I'm a boy, wants his dad to approve of him. Wants his mother to approve of him. A girl wants her mother to approve of her. We want deeply the approval of our same sex parent. Yes, the opposite sex parent as well. But there's a certain energy and a certain quality to getting approval. It's just different from our same sex parent. We want to be approved by them. We want their blessing. If we don't get their blessing as children, we think, well, what's wrong with me? I'm not getting their blessing. Well, there's nothing wrong with my client that she's not getting her mother's blessing. The problem is the mother can't give the daughter the blessing because the mother is still living as if she's 16 years old. So she can't bless a middle stage princess. So I'm explaining this to my clients. So you have to do it for yourself. It makes perfect sense, my friends, I hope you're following this. I hope this is working for you.
Okay, couple more weeks in session five, another four to five pound weight loss. And you know, in every session, Hey, Ms. Client, how'd your week go? Tell me. Just, just gimme the download. What's been going on since we last talked? So I'm gonna talk about food. I'm gonna talk about her diet. I'm gonna talk about eating slow. I'm gonna check in about all the things we've been doing. And I'm just ask like, what show? You know, what's been showing up for you? So in every session, the way you work is your client has just, my client has just lived another week of life or two weeks of her life. So you work with, as a professional, we work with life unfolding. We work with life unfolding. Hey, Mr. And Mrs. Client, what's been happening for you these last two weeks? Oh my God, I've been eating like so much food at night. I've been slow the last time. I've been moving in such a good direction, but I've been eating a ton at night. Like, I don't know what happened. I had all this great momentum and then it changed. This is now what my client said. I'm just giving you another example. Um, I'm gonna go great. You know, what else had been happening in the last week? Oh, oh, you know, I've been really having issues at work. Huh? So then I might start to draw connections. Wow, work was getting really intense. And that's the first time in our work that you took a step Back, huh? Let's take notice of that. So we're working with life unfolding with this particular client. Life unfolding for her. She's really running with the ball. This client is doing her work.
This client is following her inner guidance. She's talking about finding a better job. Really what she's saying to me, I I never suggested this to her. She's talking about finding a better job. Why? Because she's taking better care of herself. She's growing, she's maturing, she's stepping more into her body wisdom. And she's looking in other parts in her life and noticing, huh, I wanna up my game here. I wanna up my game there. It's not that her job was bad, she just feels like she's ready to graduate now into something better for her. What a beautiful thing. Um, so my clients now had a approximately a, a a 15 pound weight loss. And, you know, I asked her, how's your mom doing? Because she's, she sees her mom, how's your mom doing with your weight loss? And her mom is kind of ambivalent. Her mom won't jump on board. Her mom's not celebrating it. Her mom is just being ambivalent. Just, just, oh, you know, that's great. So we had a conversation about that. I said, you know, if you could really embrace the fact that your mom is being like a 16-year-old jealous girl and she's doing her best to not like, scratch your eyes out. So she's trying to be a good mom. And the way that looks to you as your mom's being ambivalent, 'cause your mom's not sure what to do. There's a part of your mom truly wants to celebrate you. 'cause your mom loves you. It's a part of your mom that truly wants to celebrate you, sweetie. But there's a part of your mom that because she's stuck in her own process and she hasn't been able to step into her queen hood, that she really can't fully celebrate you. It's not her fault. This is just where your mom is at in her personal evolution. What a powerful conversation. She gets it. My client gets it. Check this out. Hey, how you doing with your boyfriend? She feels closer to him. They feel closer to each other. He's lost 10 pounds and can't believe it. He's, he's just tracking her diet and he's just, you know, riding on her coattails here. So he's shocked because in his world, he's eating more food, he's eating more fat, she's eating more fat,
and he is lost 10 pounds. So I am like, right now, I'm a hero to this client. Um, so I'm gonna capitalize on that. Okay? So let me fast track this. We had four more sessions over the next two months, so I'm seeing her every two weeks. Um, she plateaued at about a 20 to 21 pound weight loss. Originally she was trying to lose, I believe, 25 pounds. So she stopped, she plateaued at a 25 pound weight loss. And she loves her new weight.
Now, always, always remember this, my friends please. When the body stops and says, okay, here's where I'm hanging out. Plateaus are beautiful places. Plateaus is when you stop climbing the mountain and you take out your beach chair and you get out in the sun and you turn on the, the music and you have a nice little picnic. Her body is where it wants to be. Her body could care less about the number in her head. So she's vacillating between a 2021 pound weight loss. You know, scales are inaccurate, accurate to whatever degree they are, but she's loving her new weight. And, you know, we had a conversation about that. I just wanna make sure about this number thing, because your body has stopped here. This is what your body's saying, and she's perfectly okay not trying to push herself to lose an extra five pounds. By the way my friends people do that. People like, no, no, no, I don't lose this other five pounds. And they become obsessed. They become crazy. Um, they become selfish. They become a little foolish. I won't say that to a client, I won't use the word foolish, but people get a little stir crazy when something's working and all of a sudden they reference the number in their head that has previously been their deity, the god that they worship. So I'm always making sure that you are not going to the church of 25 pounds every day and looking at the scale in the church of 25 pounds and saying, if I don't lose this 25 pounds, then the universe will zap me out of existence according to this religion. No. So I just wanna make sure she's okay
in the time we work together. She leaves her job for freelance work. I'm never, I, I didn't focus on this with her. I focus on this with other clients. Um, this was not a focus of ours. Um, but she's now doing mostly freelance work. Um, she keeps using the word lighter. She feels so much lighter and she looks lighter. And I don't just mean weight-wise, my friends, I know a lot of people who don't weigh very much and they're heavy, like heavy in their energy. Do you ever meet a, like a thin person who's just like, they're heavy to some heaviness about them? So lightness doesn't mean you've lost weight. Lightness means you've lightened up. So she has lightened up as a person and she's lost weight. Um, also during this process, without me pushing, shoving, or forcing or even focusing on it whatsoever, um, I'm not about cooking. Like, I'm, like, cooking is not my passion or my expertise. Um, in this time that we've been working together, she has a newfound interest in cooking and nutrition. She's cooking with her boyfriend, he's into cooking. Uh, she's into cooking now more. So, um, so they're starting to experiment. Um, by the way, the boyfriend has now lost over 20 pounds. He's been doing other stuff. He's now on a high protein diet. Some other, some system, whatever. But it's a high protein diet and he's thrilled. Um, so for my client, lethargy is no longer an issue. So all this that you're seeing happen in five months,
this is what I'm gonna call a whopping success story. I hope you're seeing all the nuances that I've picked out for you. I want to tell you that in this journey with this client, I'm gonna wrap up now in this journey with Leslie. I, as the practitioner was respecting my intuitions and my hunches. I'm just letting you in on my inner world. I'm respecting my intuitions and my hunches. My intuitions and hunches are not always correct, but I must respect them. And then I notice, ah, that hunch was right, that intuition was right, that one wasn't okay. Got it, got it. Just take note of it. I just also wanna mention that I gave her a lot to do after the first session. I want to remind you of that. 'cause she was motivated, willing, and ready.
If I was talking to a client who just felt very fearful and her body language was fearful and she was afraid of all these changes, then I would go really slow. So always make sure to check in and ask, is this doable for you? Is this doable for you? Is it doable for you to let go of coffee at lunch? Is it doable for you to let go of diet Coke? Is that doable? Always negotiate and check in with your client. I negotiate. We reach a point where I'm, I can see my client agrees.
I might want my client, you know, I might say to them, okay, you know, I would love for you to get off all caffeine. I say that to some clients, depending on their situation. But it's always a negotiation. Do you wanna go cold Turkey or should we do that slow? Oh, I'm, I'm a cold Turkey kind of person. Great, okay, we go cold Turkey. So everything's in negotiation, but your client has to feel like it's a win for them. That's the most important person your client has to feel. Yes, I can do this. So if I'm asking on to cut down on caffeine, it might be just one time during the day. If she's doing four coffees and two diet cokes, I'll say, okay, let's do four coffees and one diet coke. Is that doable for you? Yes. Great. We'll start there. So I look to see where my client can start. I always start with a big chunk and then see where they can go.
I'm always looking to take small steps with her on her journey. What's the next small step that I think will yield some bang for the buck? So this is a client who needed some very traditional help with traditional nutrition, but that would not have been enough because she needed to work, work on her relationship with food and body and weight and how that was impacted by her relationship with her partner, with her social world. She needed to work on her relationship with her mother. She needed to be aware of that.
I was focused on her largest goal. When this person comes in to see me, I'm not thinking, oh, hi Leslie, you wanna lose 25 pounds? I want you to lose 25 pounds. You losing 25 pounds. Leslie is now the exact nature of our relationship. Ouch. I am not in relationship with anyone where the exclusive number one, that's pretty much it aspect of the relationship is we're in a relationship because you wanna lose 25 pounds and I'm here to help you lose 25 pounds. No, I don't, I don't, I don't do relationship like that. I am focused on her largest goals in life. I don't tell her that. I tell her at the beginning of the session, I really think I can help you get where you want to go. Why do I say that? Because I think I can now, when I say I can help you get where you want to go. I'm not saying I can help you lose 25 pounds. I'm saying I can help you get where you want to go. 'cause inside I'm thinking to your largest goals in life. And I know if I can help my client reach her largest goal, then we have the best chance for her to find her natural weight. So I'm focused on her largest goal, and I'm looking at her. This girl needs to get in touch with her body wisdom so her body intelligence can come forward so she can start to see food and feel food in her body. Which happened. She started making these little changes on her own. She started, she, by the end of our work together, she has a newfound interest in cooking and nutrition. I never told her, you're gonna need to have a greater interest in cooking and nutrition. No, it developed because she felt her own body and her own brain said, yeah, this is fun, this is good, this is interesting. Look how good you feel. Let's do this even more and feel even better. So she's now matured from a person on a childhood diet of junk food that she thought this is the way to eat. She's now a more mature young woman. She's relating with her boyfriend in a different way. They're relating to each other in a different way. She's now a leader in her social circle. Not because her freaking diet is better, but her approach and her attitude was better. 'cause she was stepping into consciousness. The people around her felt that, by the way, I'm, I'm just reminding myself of that. It's like her social system change. I was thinking, she's gonna need to let go of these friends. Really what she did was she stepped into a place of more consciousness and wisdom. Her friends followed her. That's good friends. Um, so with this client, yeah, I worked very specifically in the realm of nutrition. But we worked in the realm of emotion where, where we're Working in the realm of psychology, looking at the mind studying it, we're working with archetypes, talking about her mother, you know, being of queen age, but being in her princess, talking about her being a middle princess and what you have to do. We worked in the realm of her relationships, did de facto, she started working on her job and improving herself in that realm, even though we, we, we never even talked about it. So this was a powerful and fascinating combination of different realms that we worked in or she chose to work in that ended up getting to the root of her excess weight.
Can you see the beauty in that journey that we went on together? Five months. Five months, and it, and, and, and this was a sustainable weight loss. This was a person who changed as a human being. Her story changed.
When you study, when you look at the 98 to 99% of people who lose weight on a weight loss die, gain it back when you study the other one, one or one to 2%, which I study. Have I done a study on it? No. I, the way I study is I observe life in humans. That is where all science begins. My friends, it's observation, gathering data.
All of science begins in observation and gathering data. And when I study human beings, you know, I see what I see.
And simply put, she needed to work in a number of different places to get where she needed to go. Weight loss is a journey. I was willing to go on that journey with her. I was being skillful in giving her shifts, changes, tweaks, suggestions that I felt. Okay, now it feels like you're ready for this and now it feels like you're ready for that. So I'm operating on intuition. I'm operating on my hunches.
You will learn how to do that better and better as you work with clients. So this person is not just someone who's eating different, she's living different. So you study the one to 2% of people who have lost weight. And that's what I've done. And what you see is those one to 2% who sustainably shapeshift their body. They have a life change in some way, shape or form. Their life has changed. A marriage, a divorce, a separation, a new job, a new career. Letting go of something, embracing something, moving, a spiritual awakening, a religious shift. But it's a change in story.
It's a change in story that matters. So I helped my client become a better person. I helped her get in touch with her body wisdom. I helped her get in touch with nourishment. I helped her see the connections between her wanting to find her natural weight and her social world around her because we're impacted by friends, by our loved ones, by our parents. So she's now smarter. She makes connections now. She's now a whole different kind of leader in her social circle because she's empowering herself. Woo. Wonderful success story. Oh, you know, all the way around. Okay, my friends, that is our first case study. There's more to come. That's part one. Part two is right around the corner. Thanks for being with me on this journey.

PART 2

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Greetings once again, friends. This is Mark David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating Your Guide on This Journey. We are in weight loss case studies, part two of six. Before we dive into our next case study, E some guiding thoughts to keep in mind, whether you and I realize it or not, many of us have deep rooted judgements and beliefs about weight, looks, shape, beauty, and more really we do. Chances are, if you're alive on planet earth, you've got some judgements in there, you've got some assessments. We have our own ideas of what weight and looks and shape and beauty is and should be or shouldn't be. And on one level, our job as practitioners and perhaps as humans, is to do our best to let go of all of it. And I know that's easier said than done, and this is our practice, particularly with your clients, um, because we help our clients transform in part by transforming ourselves. So your job as a practitioner is to constantly look within yourself at your own thoughts, your own emotional reactions, your own judgments about your weight and body, and about the weight and body of others. So yes, my weight client comes in to see me, and I want to help them get where they want to go. I want to help them have a happier life. I want to help them shape shift, if that's what's truly right for them.
But to be able to take away the judgment of, and because you or me or we or she or him or her looks like this. Therefore, that's not good. It's unacceptable. Those subtle judgments or not. So subtle judgments are powerful and they're intense and they're felt in the invisible field. So as always, in this work, your job, my job is to learn to love and regard and accept others unconditionally. I don't care what they look like. I don't care what their age is, their sex, their weight, their shape, their size. When somebody walks into your office, they are all equally accepted by you no matter what. To me, this is a lifelong personal and spiritual practice because when I can do that, the noise in my head subsides and I'm being with my client in an honest way, and I'm not buying into their judgments about themself. Because Oftentimes it's the self-judgment and the self-hate and the self attack that is the problem. That is what we really need to lose, first and foremost, not the weight.
The weight is sort of the vehicle to get us to contend with how we be with ourself sometimes. Okay, let's jump into another case story. Allow me to talk about a woman. I'm gonna call Shauna. When I saw her, she was 44 years old. Small business owner, manager of a, um, temp agency, you know, a temp employment agency, uh, African American woman, very outgoing, very confident, engaging, articulate, um, as a hobby on the side. Very accomplished singer expresses herself really beautifully. She's thoughtful, she's talkative. She is coming to see me to lose 45 to 55 pounds. That's her goal. She's five foot eight. She weighs 200 pounds. Uh, Shauna will tell you straight up, she loves to eat. She's got a busy lifestyle. She loves her work. She has been diagnosed as pre-diabetic. She has a family history of diabetes. She's got two girls age 13 and 15. Uh, Shauna's been married 18 years. She has a solid relationship. Her husband is at a healthy weight and he's in pretty good shape. Um, they're both very religious, spiritual. Uh, Shauna will happily tell you she hates exercise. She doesn't like to do it. It's not her thing. Um, secondary complaints when I ask her, because remember, we're always checking in about the secondary complaints. What else is going on for you, Shauna? Um, Shauna has consistent heartburn and bloating after meals. She's a fast eater. She is on medication for high blood pressure, and Shona keeps saying that she really wants to be healthy. Uh, she's tried various diets when it, in terms of weight loss diets, and she's very clear that she can't stand dieting. It is not her thing. Uh, and indeed coming to see me, Shauna is a little concerned that I'm gonna put her on another impossible to follow diet. So, um, before I continue, this is gonna be a client who, this is gonna be a story where, oh, when it comes to weight loss, I'm going to, this is a client who, because she has a, because she's pre-diabetic and has a family history of diabetes, this is a slightly different story because when it comes to weight and its loss, a human who is pre-diabetic, who is on the continuum, pre-diabetic is another way of saying there is a continuum of blood sugar regulation, of insulin regulation at the one end. One can be low blood sugar hypoglycemic at the other end. One can be extremely high blood sugar. So there's a, there's a range. Um, and people who are insulin resistant, or another way to say that pre-diabetic or diabetic, um, oftentimes they have difficulty losing weight. They have weight loss resistance because of a metabolic challenge.
And because we're humans of mind, body, heart, and soul, it's not always just about metabolism. So this is a, this is a case story where we're going to be sort of looking at how to work with her prediabetes just from an educational standpoint, because she's already getting treated. Um, she's already under medical care, but how do we work from an educational standpoint around her diet, around her lifestyle, and what other factors might be contributing to her inability to lose weight? Okay, so more information about Shauna. Um, honestly, she hasn't focused much on health or diet. She just hasn't paid attention to it. So her finding out that she's pre-diabetic is a big wake up call for her. Um, so she's very motivated and that's a great thing, you know, that's what some of us need. We need a diagnosis to get motivated. So I like her as a client because I know she is willing, she is open to listening and she's open to new ideas. So I'm a very happy practitioner. Her husband is very supportive, wants to help her in any way he can. Um, her weight gain. So she wants to lose 45 to 55 pounds, you know, when did this weight come on? So she has gained about 50 pounds slowly over the last 10 years. So you're gonna see when we get into our weight loss intake, which I'm not doing now, I just want you to hear stories first before you start worrying about a lot of details. But I always wanna know, when did your weight come on and in what fashion? Some people gain weight really fast,
some people gain weight over time. That tells us different things. If somebody gains weight, oh yeah, I gained 50 pounds over the course of like three, four months. Darn, you bet. I want to know what the heck happened in those three or four months. Was, did, did anything, was anything different going on in your life? Uh, oftentimes not always. People who have a quicker weight gain, there can be a triggering event or condition. So a fast waking helps us kind of narrow down a little bit the timeframe. For most people, uh, if somebody's gaining that weight over time, somebody gains 50 pounds over time, that also tells me something. It makes sense if she hasn't focused much on health or diet, and she's been pre-diabetic, IE she has some version of insulin resistance, that's a pretty common story that the weight just kind of creeps up on you. Um, she doesn't exercise and she's really not sure how to include it. Um, her challenge is she really doesn't wanna exercise, and she feels kind of embarrassed about it. She's caught between a rock and a hard place. I don't wanna do this. It's just not been her. It's, it's just not been her way of life ever. Um, my, uh, how to say assessment about her is that she's, she's a little bit out of her body. Um, she will even joke about her clumsiness when we talk about exercise. You know, oftentimes clumsiness people who are ly banging into things, uh, they're a little clumsy. They're oftentimes just not present in their body. They're in their head and their body is kind of a life support system, and it carries them around. So they're not aware of their body and they're not aware as much of their environment. And so it looks like clumsiness, but there's a part of her that's kind of beside her body as opposed to inside her body. So that is a more subtle assessment on my part. And you've probably heard me say this already, but I want you to begin to notice this thing called how much is this person in their body or outside of their body, someone who's in their body. There's a certain presence that they carry. There's a certain way that they are, they have a certain energy, they have a certain presentation, they move in a certain way. They, they don't have to be an athlete or anybody trained. It's just that there's a difference between people when they're in their body and out of their body. Now, in terms of her heartburn, you remember, she has heartburn and bloating. Um, it's really bothering her. And she's already on one medication for high blood pressure. Her doctor wants to give her a medication for heartburn. Uh, she really doesn't wanna take another medication, and this is bothering her. That was a little bit important to me, only because I'm happy that she doesn't wanna take a medication or another medication, because that says to me that she's committed to health and committed to healing herself in a different way. So I just take notice of that. Um, I'm also noticing how over the course of her life as I'm speaking to her, um, she hasn't really paid much attention to her body and how she feels a bit ashamed about this. There's a certain, you know, this is a powerful lady. This is a very, um, she's, she's here. She's a good human being. And every once in a while, as soon as we, you know, she, she'll, she'll have a throwaway line about how she's embarrassed about her body, ashamed of how she's not taking care of herself. So I'll just notice her drop into that. Um, you know, some people don't like exercise. I get it. Um, she has an aversion to it, so I'm curious about that. I I haven't jumped into that yet. You know, a lot of people, they have early experiences in life where exercise, and I'm gonna put that word in quotes. People learn to exercise at school, and they're thrown in a gym, and they're thrown in competition that they don't like, or they're given exercises literally to do that they don't like. Their early experiences in school are not positive around being in a locker room about having kids make fun of them for whatever reason. So a lot of people don't know this. They don't realize that their aversion to exercise actually, you know, goes back to early experiences in, you know, who knows grade school, junior high school, whenever it is about being in your body and enjoying it not being fun. Because the environment around us, the world around us, the teachers around us, the classes, the parents, the school didn't know how to cultivate a good experience around that. So that's more common than we think. Um, you know, I asked her if she ever enjoyed movement or exercise or being in her body when she was a child or a teenager, um, because I was curious about it. So when I went there, she became very soft and a little bit teary-eyed. And she said, that's a conversation for another time. And I was very clear to me, okay, so my client is saying, let's not go there. So I don't, if my client gives me a boundary, I respect it. Very important. However, I will bookmark it. Um, I'll bookmark it and I will have it in the back of my mind because I might return to it again. Hey, this is our first session. We're just getting to know each other. I know there's something, something here that she's not wanting to share or ready to share that might be useful for our conversation for her goals at some point. So the only reason why I want more information is I want to help her get where she wants to go. In order to do that, she wants to lose weight. I have to understand her story and her journey, and who she is and what she's about. So if she doesn't have an ability to really embrace her own body and be in her body, and I inquire about that and inquire about her past around movement or exercise, and it's a and it's a sensitive place, okay, I'm not gonna go there, but I bookmark it. Um, again, I wanna say she derives a lot of energy and faith from her religion. She's a faith-based Christian. So I know 'cause of how I work that I just might return to that because I am always going to use someone's beliefs, someone's philosophy, someone's religion, someone's spirituality as a way for me to help them get where they want to go. Another way of saying that is, it ain't my job or your job to fix someone. It's our job to help them marshal all the energies and all the forces and all the resources in their life to help them get where they wanna go. That's a big part of my job. A lot of people have a lot of resources that they're not pulling from. They, they have a lottery ticket, a winning lottery ticket in their pocket, and they haven't cashed it in. So when I understand a person's religion or faith, I bookmark that because I know that that might help me help them at some future time. Um, and I'm also noticing, you know, it, it, it's, it's as practitioners, there's certain clients that are easy for us. There's certain people that we have a more of a naturalness with. Um, you know, she's the kind of person that, uh, you know, if she was my next door neighbor, I would, I would be happy to chat with her every day. Um, so I really wanna help her as best I can.
Okay, let's talk about Shauna's diet for a moment. Breakfast, 6:00 AM two cups of coffee with sugar. She has some kind of store bought cereal plus milk. Um, and she has a banana with that, or she'll have oatmeal plus sugar, plus some, some, you know, piece of fruit, a apple banana. She has a snack at 10:00 AM she calls it my second breakfast. Um, so she's now at work and, um, somebody gets her a couple of pastries from a local bakery, and she'll have some coffee lunches at one o'clock. She'll have chicken or pork plus mashed potato. She has a piece of fruit, um, I'm sorry, um, uh, uh, fruit juice, either orange juice or apple juice bag of potato chips for her mid-afternoon snack. It's around 4:00 PM There's different kind of snacks around the office, uh, that people share. So she might have pretzels, she might have candy, she'll have another cup of coffee in her words, anything I can grab. So she's hungry and she just grabs something, whatever's at the office. Usually some kind of pretzel candy chip junk food. Um, dinner's at 5:00 PM she eats out four times per week, and that's always work related. So she's always interviewing people, going out to dinner with people. Schmoozing, that's a big part of her work, is staying connected to her community. Um, so when she's eating out four times a week, it's usually Italian food, which for her means pasta with a meat plus bread, or they'll go to a steakhouse, steak plus potato plus bread. She'll have some kind of, some kind of dessert, and she'll have a glass of wine in the evenings. When she gets home at around 10:00 PM her and her husband will have a couple of glasses of wine and they'll do three on the weekends. So, ha ha ha. You know, I just wanna say to you right off the bat that, um, if you said to me, Hey, help design a diet for someone who's pre-diabetic to send them further into diabetes, this is probably a really good diet, um, to help somebody emphasize diabetes more. Um, so I already know that I have a place to work with her nutritionally, and I'm also aware that this is a person who, with any human being, um, I'm gonna, I'm gonna want her to eventually make some significant changes. But I'm aware when it comes to food, my friends and diet, you can hit someone hard over the head and change everything really fast, necessarily. There are some humans, there are people who will tell you, I will do anything. I wanna change my life. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. Just, just tell me exactly what to eat. I don't care how different it is. If you get somebody like that and it's super clear, then great, you could tell them to eat what you want 'em to eat. I think a greater majority of people, and I don't know what the numbers are, greater majority of people when it comes to changing their diet, you wanna have a sense of doing it over time a little bit, gradually get them accustomed to it. Because even from a health perspective, sometimes you change someone's food too quickly, too much, even though it's for the better. Um, it can be disturbing for the body because the body will start to change quickly and people will be having oftentimes detox symptoms that are actually worse than how they felt previously. So, and for a lot of people, that's really scary. So I tend to, I tend to go slow with the majority of clients when it comes to dietary changes. So in general, what I'm thinking, here's the key strategies going on in my mind. We gotta cut down on carbohydrates. She's got a lot of poor quality carbohydrates, a lot of sugar in the diet. Her macronutrient balance in the morning is exactly the opposite of what she wants. Let me go back here to her diet for a second. Uh, when you're dealing with somebody with prediabetes or diabetes, um, first meal in the morning, she's doing virtually carbohydrate plus caffeine. That is a, that is an insulin and blood sugar nightmare. Um, for people who are diabetic and pre-diabetic, um, I'm always going to have a breakfast, a first meal of the day that is heavy, that is weighted towards protein and fat in terms of macronutrients. It, it's just straight up. It's plain and simple. Um, she is on a diabetic forming diet is the bottom line for her. Um, so I, there there's a bunch of research that shows that people who eat a pure carbohydrate breakfast in the morning, many people who eat a pure carbohydrate breakfast in the morning end up craving more carbohydrates throughout the day, more sugar throughout the day, and it deregulates their appetite. Now, does that mean pure carbohydrate breakfast is bad? No. There's a lot of people who could just eat a piece of fruit at breakfast or oatmeal and fruit and they're fine, and they've got no issue and they're not coming to see you because they don't have a problem, because they have found what works for their body. So this is not a one size fits all. Now, this client is saying to me, I'm pre-diabetic. I have a history of diabetes. I'm weight loss resistance. Here's my he help. So because she's saying help, I'm now understanding, oh, let me go back to the research. Research shows you start out with a carbohydrate breakfast, a high sugar breakfast in the morning, low in fat, low in protein, you will be craving sugar and sweet throughout the day and it will dysregulate appetite. So I know that, so again, I'm saying that will be useful for a person who has a challenge. I don't want you to be hearing, oh my God, I eat oatmeal and fruit for breakfast. I'm going to be diabetic. No, if you don't have a problem, if that works for you, if it's right for your body, then it's right for your body. Everyone's different. So I really hope you're hearing that. I really hope you get that. Okay. I know from just previous experience and what a lot of functional medicine practitioners use, a lot of good dieticians use nutrition issues, health coaches. Uh, oftentimes when you're dealing with, uh, somebody who's diabetic or pre-diabetic, um, fiber is you, you wanna get more fiber in the diet. And for some people it's, it's difficult to get a lot of fiber in the diet. That means a lot more vegetables, quite honestly, as opposed to fruits. Uh, I don't lump fruits and vegetables together. Everybody says fruits and vegetables, fruits and vegetables. Like, it's, it's one thing. No fruits, you say fruit. Well, some fruits are super high in sugar, um, and not necessarily good for somebody who's dealing with a diabetic or pre-diabetic condition. So anyway, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, I'm gonna give her a fiber supplement. It's an, it's an easy thing to take and it usually yields good results. So I want to get her more veggies. I'm also noticing she drinks a lot of alcohol in the evening. You know, I'm gonna tell you my friend, somebody who's, who's drinking, um, she has a glass of wine at dinner and then a couple of glasses of wine, um, afterwards with her husband. I got no problem with alcohol. I got no problem with wine. If we were living in Europe, this would be normal. And, and, and when somebody says to me, I'm pre-diabetic and I wanna lose weight, and you're drinking 2, 3, 4 glasses of wine per night, then we have a great place to work because alcohol is extremely calorically dense. And ah, for a pre-diabetic person, it's not my cup of tea for them. I don't want them doing a lot of alcohol. I want them to minimize it. So I'm thinking in the back of my mind, I, I'm gonna wanna work with that. And, you know, something, I'm also thinking in the back of my mind, here's the subtleties of this, my friend. You can't just take away alcohol from someone who's doing it every night because there's a darn good chance I'm not calling her an alcoholic, but there's a darn good chance that she's doing it for a reason. It makes her relax. She's working hard, and she's a mom. So this makes her feel good. It helps her unwind, it helps her relax. I, she, she doesn't have to tell me that. I get it. I can see it. I can feel it. So I'm not gonna automatically take that away, nor am I gonna make it wrong what she's doing. I just wanna say that alcohol's this substance that's borderline. You know, some people need to get off of it for life because they were dealing with alcoholism. Some people need to moderate it, some people need to let go of it for a while. Everybody has a different relationship with it. But I'm understanding that she's using it for a reason in the back of my mind, because she's a fast eater. I know I'm gonna ask her to slow down with food that is gonna give her a great practice to embody, to be connected to her body. I also know in the back of my mind, I wanna change how she nourishes herself at work because she rushes through eating at work. Uh, she just eats Whatever snacks are there, and she's actually the boss. So she can get a lot more support around healthy food at work. Um, and I'm also realizing that because she is on it about her health and she's really wanting to make her change, make a change in her life for this particular client, focusing in on nutrition and diet first makes the most sense.
Okay? So this is a client who, okay, we're gonna talk about nutrition first. We're gonna talk about diet first. But it's not just facts. Eat this, don't eat that. I, I really want you to hear this when I focus on nutrition and diet and eat this, and let's not eat that, and let's moderate this, my friends. I am deeply listening to my client. I am deeply looking and feeling and intuiting for what's doable for my client. How can I take them along, through changes that I believe will be helpful for them without losing them as a client, without scaring them, enrolling them in something good and doing the kinds of things where they might even see a result a little more quickly, such that they're gonna have more confidence in the relationship. So I want to give recommendations in a way where they don't think I'm, my client doesn't think I'm a, I'm the food police. I'm the food Nazi. Because you must remember, a lot of clients are afraid of that. They're afraid that you're gonna tell them, eat this, don't eat that. And they're gonna have to do things that they don't wanna do. And so the whole relationship, they're gonna be bracing up against, I really hope you're hearing what I'm saying. We must be very aware and sensitive when we're delivering nutrition information to a client. This is where most nutrition professionals, whether they're a dietician, nutritionists, health coach, are, are, are completely in the dark because they think they could just spout facts. 'cause that's what we've been taught. That's what we've been taught. We didn't even just spout facts at somebody. Oh, you should, you know? Yeah. Oh God, you can't be eating all this sugar, Jesus sugar that's bad for you and you're gonna, that's gonna make your condition worse. I can't believe you're doing that. My goodness, my friends, no, I'm not gonna make her feel bad about anything she's been eating, not for a second. In fact, I'm gonna language it as, okay, great. You know, you have learned that you need to change your health and you wanna really work on that. So I'm gonna give you information that I think is gonna take you in the direction that you wanna go in. And we're gonna do this in a way that works for you, that feels much Better than don't eat sugar.
Very important, how you present these things. Okay?
So after our first, so at the end of our first session, I'm letting her know, listen, you know, for now, we need to really focus on your diet and see if we can make some shifts or changes. So here's what I did. I said for breakfast, you know, I went through the list. Hey, tell me everything that you might like to eat for breakfast. I don't care if you think it's healthy, unhealthy, just all the foods throughout the course of a year that you might choose to eat for breakfast. So I listen to that list, and from that list I picked out, you know, sometimes she'll, she'll have fish at breakfast. Um, so, and she likes toast, so I'm like, okay, and she likes eggs. So here's your menu of options, toast with fish, toast with eggs, whole eggs, full fat, all the yolk, et cetera. I also said, you know, I'd like you to, would you do like a protein shaker, a smoothie? Yeah. She likes that. She just, you know, every once in a while she might buy one or somebody brings one into work. She likes that. She just doesn't pay attention to it. So in my mind, I want her to have a protein smoothie with some fat in it. Um, one of the reasons for that, it, it, it's for a person who has diabetes. It, it puts them in a head space of, oh, I'm taking care of myself in a different sort of way. So I asked her to buy a very specific product from a company called Metagenics. It's called Glycemic. Um, you know, you whatever, it's like a protein powder that has all kinds of herbs, vitamins, minerals, et cetera in it that is used for diabetes, pre-diabetes. But so it's putting her in that head space. I could have just easily had her buy specific protein powder from the VU store and put this in it, put that in it. But I'm getting her in that sort of, Hey, we're working on your health frame of mind. By the way, I didn't put this on the slide here, but in her protein smoothie, she's using this powder. She's putting in a small piece of fruit, and she's putting in either some oil or some, you know, a couple of tablespoons of peanut butter or almond butter. Okay, snacks. Once again, we create a list of snacks. Um, I told her, you can have a protein smoothie, same smoothie as a snack either in mid-morning or mid-afternoon. Um, she likes hard-boiled eggs. Great. You could do a hardboiled egg as a snack. She likes yogurt. Great. I want you to get an organic full fat yogurt. She likes almonds. Great. You can have a handful of almonds. You can have almonds plus yogurt. I don't care. So there, we have a list of snacks I asked her to start doing throughout the day, green tea instead of coffee. And I asked her to let go of juice. So this was pushing it a little bit because she does drink two cups of coffee in the morning. And, you know, I got no problem with coffee. I just wanted her to make a shift. I want her to start to find her natural metabolism.
I want her to not tank up on sugar and caffeine essentially, which is what she's been doing in the morning. Um, which is just, it's, it's for somebody with a sensitive metabolism like Shauna, I want her to start to find her natural metabolism. Green tea will still give you some caffeine. It can still give you a little bit of a hit, but not as intense as coffee will. So drink as much green tea as you want. Green tea is also mildly, mildly thermogenic. It'll help you burn calories a little more high in antioxidants, all that kind of stuff. Um, lunch, I am asking her to stick with, you know what she's been doing. Great. Do the chicken or pork. But I would love for you to consistently have a salad with lunch and some cooked veggies. And I'd like you to bring those into work. Or I would like you to find someone who can go out and pick that stuff up for you in terms of the cooked veggies and the salad she brings in the chicken or the pork. Um, so like, get help with that. And I want you to take time at work for lunch. So dinner, I asked her to let go of bread and wine. So that was a big request. You could have any dessert you want. I wanted her to focus on chicken or fish or meat. I asked her to start focusing on rice instead of pasta. See if you can do that. And I asked her to have a salad at dinner, and I said to her, I still want you to drink wine, um, but have the wine at night with your husband. And I really asked her to make that one glass of wine last. Like, sip it slowly. I don't know how fast she was drinking her wine, but I'm asking her to savor it. Um, and I was kind of on it about her not using alcohol at dinnertime in a social situation, just to learn how to relax herself without that as an experiment. And she was open to that. If I had seen that, oh, she was really resistant to letting go of the wine at dinner, um, I would've said something. I mean, I would've said, okay, let's, let's not focus on that. But, so I'm monitoring her to see what she's willing to do around that. So the fact that she can still have one glass of wine every night during the week, you know, we agreed that she could do a couple on the weekend just just to get her in the habit of slowly limiting that without the sense of, you have to give this up. You see what I'm saying? The subtle things. Okay, two weeks later, she comes back, she's got more energy. She has a three pound weight loss. How cool is that? She's very surprised. Why is she very surprised? Because she thinks she's eating more food. Um, she, uh, especially because of the protein smoothies. I i, for some people that that's just what gets in their head. Protein and fat, especially the, you know, two tablespoons of peanut butter, almond butter. People think I am gonna get fat, uh, or a lot of people do. She likes her diet. She likes the smoothie. It took her a little while to, to tweak it. You know, I told her, I, I want you to find the kind of just recipe for you. Do you put a some banana in it? Some apple in it? Um, so it tastes how you want it to taste. How much liquid do you put in? Um, you know, you, you just have to find the, the, the smoothie recipe that works for you. Um, she's really happy that I didn't change her dinner, um, significantly. Um, so she's glad she still has the meat, the veal, the steak, and the dessert. Um, and she's inspired to do more. She said the one glass of wine was okay. She was very surprised. There was a part of her that was thinking, and I kind of knew this, that she needed that much alcohol, X amount of alcohol to feel good. And sometimes you don't know until you experiment. Sometimes you just don't know until you try and you see, and you just notice what works. Um, so notice how I didn't really change her dinner. I said, I want you to focus on rice. But at your, I I had told her at her own pace in terms of replacing rice for pasta, um, because I know dinner's a big social meal for her. That's kind of the first meal she's truly having fun with and out with people, and she really enjoys that. So I don't wanna take that away from her right away, and I might tweak it a little bit, but I'm giving her the message that we're going slowly, we're going at your pace, and this is not gonna be so awful. So now that she's, especially, she has a three pound weight loss, she's inspired to do more. Great. Now I have a client, now we have trust. Now we have an understanding. Can you see how just by my way of being with her, making these changes that I know are gonna work for a person who's diabetic or who, who's pre-diabetic, and she has a, has a slight weight loss, which is, Hey, that ain't bad. Three pounds. Okay, we're on our way. So after the second session, I really asked her to focus on slowing down with food. We had a whole conversation about that. Here's what happens when you eat fast. Here's the stress response. Here's how it deregulates your appetite. I also asked her to buy a get a fiber supplement. The fiber supplement I tend to recommend is called PGX fiber supplement. I said, Hey, take take four capsules with each meal. So this is diabetes support prevention. This is one of the kinds of supplements you, you, you can't go wrong with. You're not gonna hurt a human being. 99% of human beings giving them a fiber supplement, um, especially somebody who's pre-diabetic, uh, fiber supplement can make a really, really, really nice difference because it will modulate your blood sugar. So it will, it will give you a slower blood sugar rise. Literally, fiber will do that. Um, so very, very powerful in that way. Um, I also wanted her to get more essential fats in her diet. So I recommended that she start out with, you know, Primrose oil, um, three capsules per day. Primrose is a little bit more anti-inflammatory in terms of oils, but I'm always mixing up oils with a client. I'll have them do flax oil for a couple of months, Primrose oil, um, you know, a mixture of different oils. So I'm, I'm always about varying that up. Um, in this training, I'm, I don't talk about supplements a lot because honestly, um, it's because this is not a training about supplements. That's a whole other creature. But when I do talk about supplements, it's always gonna be the easy ones. Food like supplements. So fiber is what you're extracting from food. Uh, uh, an essential fatty acid supplement is essentially oils, okay, that you're gonna get from food anyway, for this particular client. Why I liked giving her these two supplements was it puts her in a medical, clinical healing frame of mind, which is helpful for her because she has said so. So I wanna continue that. There's, for some people, you, you actually have to take them out of the medical. I'm a patient frame of mind because they've been living there for so long. For this particular client, we're focusing on your health. And a lot of people associate taking a supplement, taking a drug with, I'm working on my health. You see what I'm saying? So there's a psychoemotional aspect to this, in addition to the metabolic benefit of the supplements. And when I give supplements, I'm always being very simple. Um, for the most part, you can just work with less than a handful of supplements in your practice. Fiber supplements, essential fatty acid supplements, a probiotic supplement, you know, a multi herbal supplement. It's, it's, you can't go wrong with some of those. You're not gonna harm an adult human being. Okay? So notice, you know, these are just simple assignments. Slow down with food. Take these two supplements. That whole session was basically talking to her about how have you been, what happened in the last two weeks? Great that you lost the three pounds. I'm letting her know, congratulations. We are celebrating her victories. We're talking story. We're finding out how was, how was this new? How are these dietary changes for you? How did that work? How did eat drinking less alcohol work? So I'm asking her all these questions. So everything that I've originally given to her, this new diet, we're talking about it in the next session. And I'm honestly asking her, how did that work for you? Was there something that didn't work for you? And then she tells me, I was surprised. This works. I'm inspired to do more. I've got more energy. I lost three pounds. Anything else, Mrs. Client, you know, so we're covering what we're seeing. We're getting feedback, we're listening to life unfolding. What happened since I saw you last time? And then I'm giving my next assignments and I'm not overloading her. This is so simple. Two supplements and slowing down with food. But quite honestly, that's a lot in many ways. Okay, session number three, two weeks later, she lost four more pounds. She is very happy. She tells me she's feeling lighter. Isn't that interesting? Seven pound weight loss so far. And she's feeling lighter. She wants to lose 45 to 55 pounds. One of the reasons she's feeling lighter is because she's eating healthier. She's eating healthier for her. She's let me know now that she eats the protein smoothie, but I know is good for me. She didn't tell me that the first time. Uh, she said it was okay. I thought it was okay. She said, and so she was being honest. Um, and you know, something I said, okay, she knows it's good for her. I'm okay with that. If she's still inspired. I normally don't want to give somebody something to do, especially if it's a food and they say they hate it. Um, you know, and hate's a strong word. Um, but I really feel that, that for some reason, for her, this was a challenge. It is a challenge. It's kind of like exercising. Like you gotta work a little hard to get yourself healthier here. So it's okay that you don't love this protein smoothie. Um, interesting. Her heartburn is about 50% improved. Her doctor had wanted to put her on a heartburn medication. It's 50% improved. Why is it 50% improved? Very simple in my mind and in my book is because this is the first session previously where I said, let's work on slow eating. And she really focused on it. She's a good client. Like many clients, it wasn't easy for her. And she was confronted with her fast eating habit, which so many humans have. But when you're eating too fast, the body will go into a stress response. We will go into some version of digestive shutdown, different for different people. One of the ways digestive shutdown or partial digestive shutdown looks is gastroesophageal reflux. IE heartburn, IE the tiny sphincter between your food pipe, your esophagus, and your stomach. When we're under stress, that little sphincter, it's a one-way sphincter. It lets food down and ain't supposed to let food and the acid content of your stomach back up when we're under stress. That little, that little one-way doorway gets all upset and it gets all confused and it freaks out a little bit. And it sometimes it lets acid content from the stomach come up. That's why we call it heartburn. So, because she's more relaxed when she's eating, she got less heartburn. This, by the way, when she told me that she, she was, she wasn't smiling, she was a little shocked. And I explained to her, here's why. So I told her, your heartburn has just improved by 50%. And I, and I, and I asked people, you know, she says, my heartburn is much better. I gimme a number. You know, is it a hundred percent improved? Like meaning it's totally gone. Is it 75% improved, 10% improved No for is 50%. So I, I, I'd like to play with numbers with clients in that way. Gets them into their left brain and it gets them assessing. And usually people are accurate when they say something like that. Um, so I'm celebrating these victories with her. Congratulations. You better weight loss. You are happy, you feel lighter. Yes, we're on the right track. You hate your smoothie, but you're doing it anyway. I respect that your heartburn has improved. You know why? And we go over it. Congratulations. Anything else that you notice? Her skin feels softer and healthier. Why? Because for two weeks she's on an essential fatty acid supplement. She was probably EFA deficient, not getting enough essential fatty acids. A lot of people who are eating a poor quality diet fall into that category. Um, so her skin is feeling softer and healthier. That to me is directly related to essential fatty acids. Better bowel movement. Now, she had never told me she was having bowel movement issues, but she says her bowel movements are better. Why is that? Because she's on a fiber supplement. And fiber supplements amongst other things, will regulate our elimination for the better for many people. So not only will the fiber impact blood sugar, insulin regulation, the fiber will also impact, um, digestion and specifically elimination. So I'm letting her know, yes, you are moving in the right direction. Congratulations. You said you wanted to be healthier. Your body's getting healthier. Now, I said that to her. And when I said that to her, you know, how old did I say this client was? I'm forgetting for a moment. Um, she's 44 years old. When I told her, you are getting healthier. This is working. Her face lit up like she was a 15-year-old girl. She was so happy.
Why do I say that? Because you have to understand sometimes as the practitioner, you're talking to different people when you're talking to one person. So there are times when my client is an adult, she's 44, she's a self-sufficient woman. She's accomplished, she knows who she is, and there's places where she's a kid, especially when it comes to taking care of her body. So I know that when I talk to her about her body and her diet and her health, I'm understanding that part of me is talking to the adult in her. Yeah, we, we are gonna make this change. That change. We're gonna do this, we're gonna do that. So part of me is talking to an adult, but I'm also very much aware that a part of me is talking to a young woman, a young girl, and we're gonna celebrate and we're gonna be happy. And I wanna make sure that we are celebrating. I, I, I can't tell you how important this is my friends, because what happens, you are training your client. So important for a weight loss client. You are training them to feel success by noticing the small successes. Every weight loss client just about who's ever been born on planet Earth thinks success equals I lose all the weight. Period. If I wanna lose 55 pounds, success means I lose 55 pounds. I wanna lose 155 pounds. Success means I lose 155 pounds. Nothing else means success except that number. Well, that's a bunch of baloney. Success means success. Success means, oh, you feel happier. Oh, you feel lighter. Oh, your digestion, your heartburn is 50% improved. Oh, your skin feels softer. Oh, you have better bowel movements. You know, oh, you like your new diet. Oh, you have more energy. Oh, you're drinking less alcohol. And you still, those are successes. So you're training your client to understand that success doesn't mean they hit their number. Success means what success actually means, which is every small improvement equals a success. Every small, medium, moderate, large is success, but especially the small ones, you have to have to point those out. Okay? Two weeks later, session number four loses another six pounds. She's very grateful. She's very happy about our work together. Why? Because she's feeling good. She's not doing anything so weird that it's harming her. Her smoothie tastes better. She's been tweaking it and modifying it. This is like a constant conversation. It's the smoothie. Go figure. She's buying new clothes, started talking about that. Um, IE clothes that she, she's gotta get clothes that she could. Now her body's shrinking a little bit. Um, so she feels good about that. Um, never mentioned to me she had joint pain in her knees. And trust me, my friends, I ask people do this. Any other symptoms that you're aware of that you can talk about in a first session? Nope. That's it. Got it. So apparently she forgot about the joint pain in her knees. Um, this happens for certain people. Um, there, you know, if we're carrying around a little extra weight and we have sensitive knee joints and we start to lose a little weight, yeah, there's less of a load on them. Plain and simple. Um, so great. We celebrate that success.
The work is going good so far. And I have a client who is very onboard now. She's just on board. And this is a person I also wanna say who loves.
She's learning to love focusing on her diet. I'm not pushing her too hard. I made fun of the fact in a, a moment ago with you, I made fun of like, the smoothie is an ongoing conversation. At first it was funny to me. And then I realized, oh, this is actually important because she's learning how to tweak. She's learning to work with her health and work with her taste and her pleasure and her satisfaction at the same time. That's very important for all humans in their relationship with food, especially people who've had a problematic relationship with food or who are evolving their relationship with food, body, and health. One of the, um, sweet spots that we're looking to hit is, how do I eat food that that is truly healthy for my body, but that also feels good to me? That Tastes good. They gimme a little pleasure. That makes me feel good, my friends. That's a discovery process. That's an ongoing evolution. I'm still learning about that because my taste changes every year. My desire for different foods changes throughout the year. Okay? What tastes good to me, but is healthy for me now at this point in my life. So that's an ongoing journey. So she's learning that and I'm supporting her in learning that it's not just you need to lose weight. You fat, overweight lady, eat this smoothie. Here's the recipe. Go do it. No, this is about us learning how to love ourselves. This is us learning how to be in our body. This is us learning how to nourish ourselves. This is us learning how to love and celebrate our ourself and educate ourselves into a better way of being with our body that works for us. Where we're actually inspired, hitting somebody over the head with a diet ain't gonna inspire them. So I'm not just changing her diet. I am literally helping this woman celebrate landing in her body and owning her relationship with food, owning her relationship with health and nutrition in a positive way. I hope you can see that not just giving somebody a freaking diet to so they can lose a bunch of pounds. Who cares? Because if you do that, if you hurl a diet at somebody's brain and you stick the diet on their head and say, put this on your refrigerator and do these things, you haven't really gone anywhere with them.
So we are going step by step by step, and I'm tracking her. I'm following her. And that's interesting. That's exciting. It's exciting for me because it makes the work juicy and deep and interesting and more successful. It makes the work more fun and interesting and fascinating for her. And when little glitches come up, they're little glitches. They're not huge glitches because I asked my client to do something that really didn't work for them. Okay? So at the end of session number four, you know, and remember we've talked about how are things going, what happened last week? Okay? It's not like it was some new stuff because she's willing and able, I didn't mention this at the beginning, but the lady drinks no water. Okay? So I know at, I know at some point I'm gonna wanna get her on water.
So I said, Hey, let's do more water. You know, believe it or not, there's research out there that a lack of water in a person's diet, people who are liquid deficient, especially water. 'cause water is water is water. Water's not juice. Water's not coffee. Water's not soda. Water Is water. So anyway, um, I would love for you to drink more water, Mrs. Kle, how about, you know, just like four, four glasses a day. Is that doable for you? Like, start there. See if you can do that. I asked her, now this is session number four. This is after two months. I said, okay, I wanna see if you can just eyeball it. Just eyeball it. I want you to cut down your evening meal about 10 to 15% in, in just like total amount of food. And, and part of that Shauna means, you know, you're really gonna be tasting your food, you're eating slow, you're getting more pleasure from it. I don't want you to cut your meal 50% or 25%. I want you to like 10%. Like anyone can do that 10% is a harmless number. Really what I'm saying to her is, you eat a big evening meal, you wanna lose weight. We know from bio circadian nutrition that you know, something, metabolism is not as strong in the evening time as it is during the day. So I just wanna slowly cut down the size of her evening meal in a doable way for her. Okay? And she's on board with that. I also coached her, you know, I wanted to talk about her work experience, um, and claiming more time at work. She works very hard in her business. And I, I know from my own experience, people who are business owners, oftentimes there's places where they can delegate more or redesign their schedule more. And I wanted her to have time where she can get into her body in a different way. I said, I would love for you to start to find some kind of movement or exercise that works for you. Is there any way that you like to move that works for you? She says, well, I do like dance. Great. How could you dance? Where can you dance, dance, dance? Like, what do we do about that? Is there a possible place where you can go to dance? Well, it turns out there is a local dance studio that a number of her girlfriends go to. Um, said, is that something you could do once or twice or three times a week? And she thought about it, she thought about it. She said, yeah, you know, let me, let me start with that and see, I said, you know, goal is three times a week. Let's see if we can get there. But she really can't do three times a week unless she does something different at work. And we really talked about how she can delegate some of her tasks. That there were certain things that she didn't even need to do that she kept on her plate. So that was a fascinating conversation. So before, so I, so I just want you to notice, I didn't say to her, you need to go out and exercise. 'cause if you don't exercise, you ain't gonna lose weight. Don't be lazy. You need willpower. Like, that's what people hear in their brains because that's what the world has told them when it comes to weight loss. No, no, no, no, no. Not even close. I first talk about her schedule because I know time is a big factor for her. And obviously I know because she's told me she doesn't like exercise. Okay, well, what do you love to do? Dance. Great dance. If that's how you like to move, that's how I want you to move. I don't want any client anywhere, anytime, any place to do any kind of movement that they truly don't wanna do. Especially in relation to weight loss. Never, ever doesn't work. I'm gonna say that straight up to you. That's my assertion. That exercise that we truly don't like doesn't work when it comes to weight loss. Okay? There's three weeks in between this last session and now session five. In those three weeks, she's had a 10 pound weight loss. So, so far she's lost a total of about 23 pounds. She loves her dance class, she's delegating at work. That was a real challenge for her. She's still working at it. Um, but she is just thrilled with the work that we're doing. She is thrilled that she lost another 10 pounds since we saw each other. Um, and when we were talking about she, she spent a lot of time talking about her dance class. Um, I think it was a real breakthrough for her. And that was very, very, very sweet to see. Um, we talked about, you know, how's it going with eating slow? We talked about, okay, how's the water thing going? How's were you able to decrease your evening meal? So all of these factors she, you know, want you to notice something. She's just moving towards a healthier lifestyle. She's drinking more water, she's getting more fiber. She has good macronutrient balance. She's eating slower, which means better appetite regulation, less stress response. She's starting to move her body in a way that she loves. Any human should be moving their body in a way that they love. She's starting to manage her work life better. And all these things that she's doing to me are contributing to her weight loss. It's not one thing, it's everything. I hope you can see that. Okay. So in session five, I got a real happy client. So remember I told you we bookmark a few things. Um, so in session five, I'm, I'm totally comfortable with my client. She's comfortable with me. Um, and, and I referenced our original conversation, you know, about how she got teary-eyed about moving, about feeling disconnected from her body. You know, I just asked her, you know, is this a topic that you'd like to talk about? Uh, 'cause I'm totally happy to, and with a little bit of encouragement from me, um, you know, I told her that I was interested in her being real. And now I pulled out, remember, this is a woman who's a faith-based Christian. I said, you know, this is not just me asking you a bunch of questions about your life. This is about you getting good with God, um, you getting good with God, with your life, with your journey. So that is truly working for you. And as soon as I put it like that, she started sharing about an experience, a past experience of sexual abuse.
And for a lot of people who have been raped, abused, physically abused, harmed in any way sexually, even if it was just emotionally, even if it just wasn't feeling safe.
One way that we manage that when we're young is that we leave our body or we abandon it because the body is the place of the crime. The body is the place where the hurt happened. The body is the place where the abuse happened. Um, and when we're young and an adult harms us in this way, the young mind cannot process it very well. It doesn't make sense. We don't know how to deal with it. Um, so we leave our body to some degree and we often don't fully return to our body until we can feel safe in our body. Which means we have to metabolize that experience better, which means we have to think about that experience. We have to feel about that experience. We have to feel our feelings. We have to see how can I, at this stage of my life, learn from that experience. Grow from that experience. Alchemize meaning take that experience, which was,
which is pretty s****y, and extract nutrients from it and move forward. So again, you will hear me say this as a practitioner, it's great to be willing to go into places that others fear to tread. I'm talking about religion, God, spirituality, sexuality. You don't have to be an expert. This is me being her best friend. I'm in best friend archetype. Hey, I'm your best boyfriend right now. Some bad happened. Let's talk about it. This is not about you fixing someone's sexual past. It's listening to a story and witnessing it, witnessing a human's story. If you are not comfortable doing that, don't do it. Don't go there. That's it. Or if you're not totally comfortable, but you know you wanna learn how to go there and get more comfortable going there, then be with your discomfort. Breathe through it and go there. If you go there thinking you have to fix It, then that's what you have to change. You're not here to fix someone. Just because somebody tells you a deep, intense story doesn't mean it's your responsibility to fix it. Like, get over that. You're being a best friend. You think to yourself, somebody is sharing with me about this kind of challenging, hard, deep experience that is difficult to talk about. I'm being, I'm being her best friend in that moment. So these domains, religion, God, spirituality, sexuality are used parts of life and they're often profoundly connected to our health and our relationship with food. I'm honored about this one, my friends, because we live in a time where we just gotta catch up around all of this, around how we have been brought up around our sexuality, how we have been harmed by the world, or how our relationship with our sexuality has not been cultivated in a good way by the world, by our parents, by our environment. It is not about blaming people. Yeah, you might be mad at somebody. Yeah, you might want to kill somebody. I get it. Um, it's ultimately for me and my client, how do we metabolize this better? How do we take this story, see how it's connected? Because it's connected. Here's a person who had to abandon her body in some way, shape or form when she was young because the body was a place of pain. So that makes sense. It makes perfect sense. So your clumsiness and your being outta your body and not taking care of it makes perfect sense.
When I bring that up to a client and show them that they can relax, 'cause she walks around with shame that she hasn't taken care of her body. She walks around with shame that she's a little bit clumsy and doesn't like to exercise. You have to be ashamed of that anymore. You got a damn good reason why you are like that. And in fact, it was smart to leave your body in the way that you left it. Did you totally leave it and abandon it? No, you just did it to the degree that you needed to do it. You could feel comfortable with yourself.
So specifically, a past history of sexual abuse can often lead to unwanted symptoms. We know this. Google's sexual abuse, Google's sexual abuse and health. Google's sexual abuse and weight. Okay? People of a past history of sexual abuse can in later years have digestive issues, excess weight, fatigue. They could be binge eating, overeating, emotional eating. They could have immune challenges, they could have body hate. They can have, um, addiction issues, alcohol, drugs, eating disorders. Pretty common. Okay, that happens. Let's just be aware of that. Let's just know that welcome to planet Earth. This is what we're dealing with here. Stop being so afraid of this conversation. Let's just get real. Let's be able to look each other in the eye and say, okay, what happened to you? Wow. Big hug. Okay. Oftentimes just telling our story is enough to catalyze healing. Sharing openly with those we trust can be enough to begin to catalyze healing. Being witnessed. When my client tells me about her experience, I'm witnessing her. I'm loving her. I'm accepting her. I'm understanding. Oh, okay. This is powerful for you. Oh, wow. I know that's hard. So Shauna's relationship with her body makes perfect sense. She had to checkout at some point to not feel the hurt of the abuse. And now she's aware and she's mature enough to see this dynamic and begin to check back into her body in a loving way. And I said that to her. Time for you to get back in. That's all time for you to get back in. And you know something. You're doing it by taking care of your health, by taking by, by tweaking your diet
in a way that works for you in a way where you are. You are actually loving your body. You're dancing, you're loving your body. Sexual abuse is somebody not loving your body.
When we abandon our body, it's us in a weird way. Not loving our body. We don't know any better. Now you're learning how to love your body. What a good thing. Nurturing yourself with good food, slowing down with eating, doing, doing movement that you love, taking care of her health. The woman is getting back in her body. Amen to that. Um, after this session, I asked her if she was willing to share about our conversation with her husband
'cause she had never shared it with him. I asked her to journal about all the details of what happened in the past and how she's learning from it.
I asked her to pray every day and ask for guidance around this. Isn't that great? Because this is a woman who prays every day and goes to God, goes to her religious well and her religious source for guidance. So I'm asking her, okay, great. You're tapping into the wisdom of the universe, tapping into the wisdom of the universe around this. She lit up when I asked her to do that. She felt very vulnerable, yet very inspired. So my friends, Sean, is not just working on her health and her weight at this point. She's working on transforming her life.
She's creating a closer relationship with our religious beliefs with God. She's creating a closer relationship with her husband by opening up. And they already have a great relationship. No problems, problems there. She's learning how to land in her body. Turns out her husband was super supportive. And it turns out their physical intimacy changed for the better. Their, their, their physical life, their intimate life, their sex life became much more free, much more open, much more explorative, much more conversational. Her husband said to her, and she said to me that he said that he felt like they were getting married again.
Like wow. As pretty phenomenal. Uh, Sean and I worked together for a total of about six months. Great client. Um, some final thoughts about her, you know, in this process, I, I haven't mentioned this. We did talk about her kids and she was very motivated for her kids. You know, her children raising her children, you know, as healthy humans, as good humans in this world. That was something very important for her. And her and I had this conversation, you know, especially when we talked about our history of sexual abuse. I said, you've gotta learn how to, how to be real here with yourself, with God, with your family, because then you're gonna be modeling that directly and indirectly to your own children.
You know, in terms of the four questions, what's most important to her? Where was life calling her, by the way? What was stressing her? What was stressing her was her weight. What was stressing her was work. What was stressing her was her health. And her biggest stress was that she would get diabetes and not live long.
So where's life calling her? Life wasn't, life is calling her to embody, get back in your body. 'cause she had stepped out of her body. So that was my assessment. Life was calling her to get back into her body, get back into your body with good food, get back into your body with good movement, learn to love your body. Something's in the way of you getting in your body. Hmm, I'm interested to know what that is. I bookmarked it. I had it in the back of my mind. I had no idea where that would take us.
I actually had a slight idea, but I could feel, uh, 'cause this client is coming to see me, and I could see a woman who has stepped outside her body a little bit. So life is calling her to get back in. So everything I did with her was all about her getting back into her body in a loving, gentle, sweet, healing, effective way.
Okay? Turns out she was having great results when it came to her pre-diabetes, and I'm helping her with simple supplements and food. You know, truth be told, her fear of disease was a, was a healthy motivation for her. You know, for some people, their fear of disease isn't so healthy. It, it, it, it gets too overboard for this client. She was motivated by a fear of disease, which is, which is fine. So I'm just taking note of that. Check this out, my friends, a total of 40 ones, 41 pounds lost. Um, she reached pretty much her natural weight. That's where her body plateaued. Congratulations for her. Um, she, she was a changed woman. Um, changing her work style was very helpful. That was a major stressor for her body, even though she loved her work. So that was, um, a bonus from this work. You know, two of the main risk factors in diabetes, two of the main risk factors in diabetes. Um, I'll give you three main risk factors in diabetes, genetics, IE history of diabetes in your family diet. I'm gonna put that as number one. I'm gonna put as number two, stress. So you can have the gene for diabetes in your body, but that gene doesn't express itself. If you have a good lifestyle, if you have a good diet, and if you're not overburdening yourself with self-chosen stress, that is not needed. So oftentimes we have to learn how to lead a less stressful lifestyle when we have stresses that we can learn how to better manage for her. That really came around work. You know, revisiting her sexual abuse was humbling and healing and empowering. And, and I was super proud of her. Her, by the way, by the time we finished her knee pain, which I never knew she had at the beginning, was virtually gone. Her heart burn is now 85% gone. Um, and I'm dealing with a transformed human. So I hope you can see that I didn't take this on as a health condition.
You know, in a weird way, when I work with someone with a health condition, once again, my motivation, my, my where I'm coming from is I'm not here to just help you with your health. Of course, I want your health to be better. I get it. But some people, my friends die. You know, some people are, are, are, are, are leaving this life. So we always look at somebody having perfect health as success. No, I don't know what success is going to look like for my client. So yes, I want them to be healthier, but I want her to be the best human that she can possibly be. I want her to be the oak tree that she is meant to be. I want her to be the person, the soul that she's meant to be in this world. And that means us stepping into our power. It means us stepping into our authenticity, our truth, our realness. It means us looking oftentimes at some difficult to look places. It might mean us looking at how do I embody more and begin to love myself back into my body. Not just interested in her losing weight and being less pre-diabetic. Yes, she is now gone from being pre-diabetic to normal, but she's managing her her diabetic tendencies with diet and lifestyle.
So she's literally changing her DNA, literally, I, I'm, I'm, I'm telling you that's a literal DNA change. She is literally turning off a switch that had turned on in her genes. So the gene for diabetes was turned on. She now turned it off. She could easily turn it on again by stressing herself out like crazy and dis embodying and eating junk food and, and eating as much sugar and a alcohol and caffeine as possible. Yep, you can do that. But she's on a different journey now that's larger than just my health,
but I used as a practitioner, I used her health, her weight, and her relationship with food as a doorway to help this woman step into who she's supposed to be in this world more and more. I hope you get that. I hope you can see that from this client and this story. I love a good story my friends. And you know something, there's more stories to come. This was part two, part three of weight loss case studies is coming up. Thanks for being with me on this journey and I'll see you as always on the other side.

PART 3

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Once again, my friends, this is Mark David, founder of the Institute. Here we are talking about our weight loss case, stories and studies. We are in part three of six. Before we jump into the next couple of stories,
some guiding thoughts and reminders. You know, this weight loss is never ever, ever, ever, ever a one size fits all strategy. We're all unique, my friends, and isn't that a wonderful thing? And yes, there are certain common distinctions to be aware of, and those are the listening checklists that we've already gone through. So there's common distinctions to be aware of, and yet everyone is truly different, truly unique, truly special, truly their own interesting human being when it comes to why they might be carrying around extra weight and what exactly might help them release it. So you and I as practitioners, we have a big advantage here simply because we understand this principle and simply because now we can listen to our clients from this place. We can be listening to their unique journey and what is the unique ways that they might need to work to reach their natural metabolism. You know, people can instinctively feel, you know this, I know this. People can instinctively feel when someone else is trying to fit them into a box when we're not really listening to someone versus when we're truly learning about them and wanting to discover who they uniquely are. You've been to practitioners, chances are you've been to professionals where you know you're on a conveyor belt. People will feel you when you put them on a conveyor belt. What we're doing in this training is the opposite of being on a conveyor belt. We are truly listening for uniqueness, and sometimes we can find that in places and situations and stories and with people where we least expect it. Let me give you an example. Let's talk about Beth. Beth was 22 years old when I saw her. She was a medical student, um, in her first year of school. I believe it was her first year, maybe second. Um, very ambitious, very personable, very confident, very heartfelt, uh, very social and popular young lady. She's a former gymnast, starting from a very young age throughout college, um, and, and has put in a Ton of her life force into practices, meets, et cetera. So former gymnast, um, and I underline that because she's accustomed to being slim and in just massive shape. So Beth has no exercise these days. She pretty much eats a poor quality diet. She's a fast eater. She's coming to see me for a 15 pound weight gain. So she is five foot five and she is 140 pounds right now. So this is significant for her personally. Uh, 'cause she's got a small frame. She's used to a certain way of life and she's kind of stunned that her body has morphed into something that she can't recognize and doesn't like. Secondarily, Beth complains of digestive issues, specifically bloating and just digestive upset after most meals. She's very embarrassed about her body. She's feeling unattractive. She has a boyfriend who doesn't know her old body. He just knows this young woman who's five foot five, 140 pounds. So he's got no problem. Uh, both of them work very hard. He's a medical student as well. Um, you know, working hard in terms of studying and there's long hours at school itself. And the other thing that I also notice as we're speaking is that she's pretty stressed out about money.
Okay? So there's some very basic details about Beth. Lemme give you my initial thoughts about her. This seems like, and I would bet money, this is a pretty straightforward case of somebody needing to work with nutrition and exercise for weight loss. Why? Because here's a person who used to exercise a ton and was following her diet much better and taking care of herself much better. And now she's in a lifestyle and now she's in school. Uh, and medical students are, this is a very typical medical student story. You really gotta sacrifice your body and sacrifice your life to your studies. So it seems pretty cut and dry to me. Um, you know, she has late night hours and just bad lifestyle habits. So of course I'm thinking we gotta correct that on top of that, in case you don't know this, it is very, very predictable that when a former athlete, somebody who has put in a ton of time, energy, and work into being an athlete, whether it's a gymnast, whether it's a runner, whether it's whatever it is, people who used to do do a lot of athletics in junior high school, high school, college, graduate school, whatever it is, um, when they stop their intensive training is almost predictable that they're gonna put on weight. It really is. What's more, and here's something I've noticed. Many former hardcore exercisers or athletes will actually reach what I would call their natural weight once they adopt a more normal lifestyle. Um, you, you know, take gymnasts for example. They live a very unnatural lifestyle. I'm not that, that's not a judgment. Um, the amount of time, energy, um, that they spend doing their craft and working out is highly unusual. So they will often have a body and a body type that very much conforms to their intensive work and is actually not necessarily their natural body. So in other words, it's almost predictable that when a lot of such athletes stop what they're doing to some degree, um, that things are gonna change. They're gonna put on more body fat. They might exchange some body fat for muscle and not change in weight, but just lose some muscle weight. Um, or they just might gain a bunch of weight. So this is not uncommon. I've seen it before and I always take notice of that. So in session number one with Beth, I basically focused on, you know, talking to her, listening to her, uh, doing a dietary intake. So really doing my assessment, um, and just learning about her life and her lifestyle. I'm getting that she's very busy and she's very stressed out about school. I'm also learning from her as we're chitchatting. You know, she's a little bit ambivalent about seeing me because she's not sure if she has the time or energy to diet, whatever that means for her. She had said that to me, I don't know if I have the time or energy to diet. Hmm, interesting. Not that dieting takes a lot of time, but it certainly does take a certain kind of energy. Um, interestingly enough, as we were speaking more and more, I noticed it felt like she was having a hard time being present with me. She was distracted. Perhaps the conversation itself was hard for her. I wasn't quite sure. I was asking myself, is this a person who has a hard time focusing in a social situation with another human being? Or is this a person who's a little bit ashamed, embarrassed, or having a hard time talking about the things we're talking about? I was kind of imagining that it was her having a hard time talking about her weight and her body because on some level she gotta be pretty focused, uh, because she's a medical student and she's working and worked very hard. I'm also noticing to myself that she's the archetypal kind of good girl princess. Um, she's a princess scholar. She just wants to do the right thing. Um, she just has an air about her of just being a good human being. You know, she's the kind of person that when you meet her, even though she's a 22-year-old, you can sense her good heart, you can sense her good character. So when I say good girl princess, that's not a negative or a pejorative term. It's a compliment.
So here's Beth's diet. She's up early at 6:30 AM She has a croissant plus coffee for a snack at 10:00 AM She has granola with milk and coffee right around, um, 2:30 PM she has her lunch and that's usually pasta and tomato sauce. And she whips that together, uh, in her dorm room. She then has a snack at around 6:00 PM She has a granola bar and usually a banana with that dinnertime for her is late every night, pretty much seven days a week, 9:00 PM she'll have pizza or an Italian meal. This all takeout and Italian meal for her is some kind of pasta, straight up pasta with sauce or pasta with meat On the weekend, she'll include a salad for dessert. She has some ice cream, keeps it in the freezer. I notice she has very little to no water. So if you are looking at this right now or if you're listening to this, what I want you to take note is that up until about 9:00 PM when she has her dinner up until 9:00 PM when she has her dinner, she's had very little protein or healthy fat. So at dinner time is the first time there's really, really any kind of fat, which is coming from cheese on a pizza or whatever. Fat is in her meat.
Her first protein is coming from, once again, any kind of dairy that's on her pizza and the amount of protein in her meat on her salad. She has a typical poor quality salad dressing, which is usually, you know, soybean oil based, not that great for the body. So from the time she wakes up at 6:30 AM in the morning up until 9:00 PM she's basically been eating carbohydrates.
And when I asked her about her previous diet in her, you know, in her younger years, um, she didn't drink coffee when she was younger, but she did a lot of pasta. Um, and she did a lot of fruit and she did a lot of granola. And of course, when she was young and working out very intensely, she could burn that all up. So that's what I'm initially noticing, that up until 9:00 PM she's only had carbohydrate. That's pretty wild. Okay,
so in session number one, I really didn't give her any homework assignments. I just, uh, it was just my intuition. I didn't wanna send her home with anything to do just yet. Um, but I told her that the next time we met, we would work specifically on her diet. I told her I was definitely confident I can help her, and we had some really good places to work. I let her know that when we would do dietary changes, and, you know, one of the reasons I spent a lot of time just kind of talking with her and getting to know her, I just really wanna establish a connection with her in our first session and make her feel comfortable. She's a young woman, I could tell she's a little bit afraid of working with me. Um, just somebody that we had in common, a friend that we had in common, um, recommended her to me. I let her know that, you know, all her meals would change and she wouldn't be eating less food. So not to worry, I said we were gonna work on macronutrient balance. She didn't know what that meant. I explained it to her, um, that I'd want her to have more healthy fat and healthy pro protein, uh, because she is a fast eater. I told her we would be working down, working on slowing down with meals and relaxing just a little bit more. And I also explained why we would do that. I explained that it would help her naturally and easily or more easily regulate her appetite. Um, and I told her, I'm confident I can help you get where you want to go. So we scheduled our next two appointments in advance, and I gave her a very discounted rate that she could clearly afford. This is the kind of client I I would've seen for free. Um, just because she came through a friend and just because I was very inspired to help her. So I've done everything I could to make it easy for her to see me. That was my, you know, I, I will, I approach every client different in that way. I'm, I'm open to working with people with different financial arrangements. I am. I just want to tune into each person and what my unique relationship is with each person, what, whatever that might be. Okay, so here's what's interesting. She kept missing appointments so she can, so she missed two appointments. Um, first one she actually missed, missed the second one, she canceled. Um, so I was left hanging the first time, which is extremely annoying to me. Uh, canceled the next time shortly before our session. And then she called me up and left me a voicemail and canceled our work. So we've only seen each other for that first session. Uh, in her voicemail, she said she was just too busy. Um, and then I got a call back, she changed her mind again. Uh, and, and she implored me to take her back. And in that phone conversation, she admitted that she was just feeling confused about the whole thing. And in her words, she said, I, you know, something's holding me back. So for me, because again, it's a young person for me, again, I have a place in my heart for young medical students. Uh, I was one of those, I was a medical student for, I was a medical student for a year. Uh, so I, I know that experience. I know what it feels like and I really want it to be a support for her. And I was now a little bit more curious about this and wondered if it was simply her resistance to doing the work of dietary change or if it was something else. Now, I wanna tell you, there's straight up people who just, it's gonna be hard for them. It just, in their mind, it's hard for them to make a dietary change. And they know it is, and they feel it is. And that's a big fear for them because for whatever reason, it doesn't even matter.
So I'm totally open to that. I'm totally open for whatever, whatever shows up. Okay, so our next session, we talked about eating rhythm, uh, IE meal timing, because if you remember, um, she was eating her lunch meal starting at two 30. And a lot of that had to do with the timing of her classes and the timing of study, depending on what day of the week it was. Um, but on the days that she could, I was encouraging her to have an earlier lunch somewhere between the hours of 12 and one 30. And you'll also remember that her dinner was happening at around 9:00 PM and I wanted her to see if she can actually have dinner at closer to six or 6:30 PM which would be easier for her if she was having an earlier lunch. Does that make sense? We also worked on macronutrient balance at every meal and what that that meant, what that's gonna look like. And we talked about her feeling more nourished by food, because right now food was just fuel. She's a medical student, she's busy. Everything has to do with convenience for her, how fast she can buy it, how fast she can make it, how fast she could eat it. And I said, I totally understand your situation. I totally understand school comes first and we need to take a little more time. We need to slow down. I want you to slow down when you eat. Just taking a little bit more time. And, and you know, that, that turned out to be hard for her for sure. Um, and with all this, you know, as much as in this session, I could see she was having a hard time because she was getting that she had to make some changes. And she can't just be an automatic pilot eating what she wants to eat when she eats it. If she wants to have some chance of losing weight, I noticed that, that she's driven to succeed. I really see that part of her. So that's the part of her I pay attention to. So, um, basically I'm asking her to eat an earlier lunch, an earlier dinner, see if you're gonna have a 1:00 PM lunch, a 7:00 PM dinner. I was making sure I spoke in terms of I don't want you to have any carbohydrate only breakfasts. You know, she's eating a croissant and coffee at breakfast. So that's carbohydrate, caffeine. I call that again, for many people, false metabolism. If you're doing a day in, day out and you are trying to lose weight and you have a complaint, then I want to change that. If you're eating a croissant and coffee every day for the rest of your life, and you have no health complaint and no weight complaint, and no any complaint, I'm not gonna change your diet. I kid you not. But she's coming to see me. This is not working. So I'm looking at her diet and I'm saying, okay, macronutrient balance is a great bet, so I don't want you to have any pure carbohydrate breakfast. So we negotiate it. I find out what she likes. She likes eggs, she's into making smoothies. So we discuss the smoothie recipe, get some protein powder, put some peanut butter, almond butter, some fruit in there. You could also put some yogurt in there. And there it is. So there's two breakfasts that she could make quickly that have a better macronutrient balance. There's some amount of protein in fat. I don't really focus on the amounts, believe it or not specifically. I'm not saying I want you to eat this many grams, I'm just saying I want you to have two eggs at breakfast, whole eggs with the yolks, full fat free range of possible for your smoothie. I want you to put in a tablespoon or two of almond butter tablespoon or two of peanut butter or a whole full fat yogurt into that smoothie for snacks. Um, she's eating, once Again, pure carbohydrate snacks. So I'm asking her to let go of just doing a granola bar and a banana and get some healthy trail mix. Do some hummus, do some yogurt, do some nut butter plus fruit. So fruit is fine, but I want you to have a little bit of fat and protein with that. IE nuts and seeds or IE nut butter. Again, this is all an experiment. Let's see what happens for lunch. Same thing, no carbohydrate, only lunches. That means pasta. So she's doing a lot of pasta lunches. So I told her, fine to do pasta. See if you can switch to rice. But I want you to have something, some kind of protein. Can you do fish? Can you do chicken? Can you do eggs? Yes, she can. Yes, she can buy that. Or yes, she can prepare it the night before. Okay. That was a big deal for her. It's actually, I, I was learning a part of her that really loves to cook. She just doesn't feel that she has time. And when I suggested to her that she could make something the evening before at the end of her day, um, and then eat it the next day, that was kind of a revelation for her. So dinner, same, same, same. I didn't want her to have a carbohydrate, ie. Pasta only dinner. Here's something else I did with her. I am noticing that she's very concerned that she has to stick to her diet, um, because she said a few times to me. So I, so I really need to stick to this diet, huh? I really need to stick to this. Oh my God, I really hope I can stick to this. Okay. So what I hear from that is, this might be a little hard for her. So I said to her, Hey, once or twice per week, especially at dinner, because that's, that's when you have your most relaxed meal. I want you to splurge on anything you want for dinner. Whatever it is. I don't care. You wanna do a pasta only dinner once or twice per week. You wanna do like a ton of pasta, you want a pizza, I don't care. Whatever it is. Whatever it is, go off your diet, have as much ice cream as you want with that dinner, go for it. Um, so I'm letting, so I'm giving her permission to have a couple of splurges, me giving her that permission. You could not imagine how much I watched this young human being take a deep breath and relax.
So this is a little trick. This is a little tech technique that you need to have in your hip pocket. Um, and I intuitively pulled this one out of my pocket and it was a great, great, great great move because she would've gone on splurges or binges, however you want to call it, and she would've felt guilty and she would've felt upset and she would've created this artificial conundrum in her mind. And here I'm just telling her, Hey, it's okay. And you know something, it is okay. It's literally okay. It is literally okay to give someone a diet and give them a couple of splurges a week.
Why do I say that? Because I've been doing it forever. And it works with people. And you always gonna get one person who says, no, I can't do that. If you gimme a splurge, I'm gonna splurge every day. And then I go, okay. So my client truly looks me in the eye and says to me, that's not gonna work for me. 'cause I'm, uh, pretty much an all or nothing person. I'm either in or out. I'm like, okay. So I also don't want to take away her dessert. I asked her to focus on, you know, something a little bit lower in calories, like a sorbet or like a frozen yogurt. Um, I also said, and if that's not good enough, do ice cream. Do whatever you want on the weekends for dessert, splurge on the weekend. See if you could do sorbet or frozen yogurt during the week. And I told her, that's not a hard and fast one. Just do the best you can. So I want you to notice I'm giving her freedom to have choice as to when she splurges. What you're doing when you do that is you're giving the person a sense of control. Oh, I can control when I'm out of control. And my nutrition guy said I can do that. So you literally have that power, quote unquote, with many people. Um, because many people look at you strangely enough as if you are the, um, you are this voice inside of them that is telling them what to do and giving them permission or giving them restraints that they know they might need. So they're looking to you as this authority. And usually they are afraid of the nutrition authority within their own brain or the nutrition authorities that they've read about, you know, in books, in the news online, because nutrition authorities are usually, they're pretty dry and they're pretty, um, they're pretty uptight and they have strict rules. So when you come in as a nutrition authority and you have nice loose rules and you have a smile on your face and you're saying, don't worry if you have a couple of splurges and hey for dessert, eat whatever you want to eat on the weekends, you have a client, now you have someone that likes you. You have someone that's taking a deep breath and relaxing right from the beginning of the relationship. I can't tell you how valuable that is for so many people. Not everybody, but a lot of people. Okay? I wanna remind you that all dietary changes that we do with clients must, must, must, must, must be a negotiation. And that negotiation is always clear, It's honest, it's lighthearted, and it's definitive. So start with what you, the practitioner, think it's best and negotiate and dialogue from there. So I'm saying to her, I want you to have breakfasts that are, that have some protein and fat in them. So no carbohydrate, only breakfast, because that's gonna make a difference. You're gonna actually be eating m more at breakfast, you know? So then I say, so then we go through a list of all the things. Hey, what do you like to eat for breakfast? What do you like to eat for breakfast? Forget about how healthy it is for you. I just want to collect a list of all the foods that you would normally eat for breakfast in the course of a year. And then we do that list right in the office. And then I say, okay, I'm gonna pick out the things that I like on this list that hit the target for what I'm trying to do with you. So I want her to have more of a macronutrient balance, balance of breakfast. She likes eggs, she likes smoothie. Great. I said, can you do either eggs or smoothie seven days a week? And she's, yes. Are you sure? Is that really doable for you? If not, you know, just tell me what's doable. Just be honest. I don't want you to agree to something if you know you can't do it. He said, no, that's, that's an easy one for me. Seven days a week, I can do that. 'cause she actually was looking forward to that breakfast. Um, so there's the negotiation. Now, when I was talking about dessert, I could see her tighten up. So we didn't even need to negotiate. I just said, Hey, you know, I wanna give you a couple of splurges, you know, does that feel good to you? And she just laughed, of course. So everything is in negotiation. And you ask your client, is this doable for you? Because you want to give you client a win. What do I mean? This is very important my friends. It really is. This is the deeper psychology of your relationship with a client. Your client needs to feel successful. If they feel successful, they will like to do the work with you. They will trust you more. They will listen to you more. They will follow your lead more. So I need to set my client up for success. I need to put them in a position to succeed. So if my client is doing seven cups of coffee a day, and I think that that coffee might be harming them, and I say, okay, I want you to go cold Turkey on coffee. And I watch them tighten up and I watch them have a look of terror on their face. And I say, is that doable for you? And they go, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, that's really not doable. 'cause I could see from the look on their face and the tone in their voice. So I'm going to work with a Client till I'm sure, and they're sure, wait a second. You know, I don't think that's really the case for you. That, that, that sounds like it's stressful. I want you to just gradually cut down on coffee. And I'm not talking about this client, I'm just making up an example. Um, what if you're doing seven cups of coffee right now? Can you cut it down by two cups of coffee a week? So then cut, cut it down by two. So you're doing five cups of coffee each day. Is that doable? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That I could definitely do. Oh, so now I know my client has said, and that, that feels true. I'm listening to them, I'm looking at them. Oh, you could do five cups of coffee a day instead of seven. So now they're gonna have a win. So when they come back to see me the next time, how did it go? It was a win for them because they were clear they can do it. And then we do the next level of negotiation. Powerful, simple technique. So couple weeks later, at session number three, Beth is admittedly having a hard time following her new strategy. She knows it's the best thing for her. She acknowledges it. She feels really guilty because there wasn't a lot of days when she was able to follow the diet that I asked her to follow. So she's really feeling guilty and really feeling like a failure. And, you know, acknowledge to me that she didn't even want to come to this session and she felt really guilty if she was gonna cancel it again. Um, and she's pretty much thinking that she wants to stop working together if she can't do this, which is very sweet. I appreciate that. And this was my cue to look a little deeper. And I suggested, you know, maybe you're right. Let's just, let's just, let's just play around a little bit more. Let's explore a few more things. And if by the end of this session you feel that it's best to stop, well stop.
So I'm not saying, oh my God, no, you can't quit. I'm like, okay, that makes sense. Always make your client right. Makes perfect sense. Let's just explore a little deeper and if that doesn't yield anything, no worries. Okay. So I ask a lot of questions about her relationship with her boyfriend. I asked her some questions about her sex life. I asked her why she's in medical school and what she wants for her future. That was an interesting conversation. You know, by the way, her relationship with her boyfriend is great. Her sex life is fine. Um, I asked her questions about her parents, her family I had known because she chaired previously in her first session that she was having money concerns. So I was asking her, you know, how she's paying for school, she's taking out loans, what her payments are gonna be. So I was just kind of going into some details. And in all this conversation there was, um, a couple surprises came out for me.
First of all, I'm learning that her biggest fear in life, okay? Talk about, you know, what's stressing her. Okay, question number one of the four questions. What's stressing her school is stressing, her studying is stressing her a crazy schedule is stressing her, her weight is stressing her. Okay? That's what's stressing her on a day-to-day basis. What's her biggest fear? What's her biggest stress? When we were talking about her mom, like her voice changed, everything changed. Her face changed. She changed. When she was talking about her mom, she morphed in front of my eyes. She was no longer a 22-year-old girl. It looked like I was talking to a 50-year-old woman. She got all mature and, and, and clear and adult-like, um, and she shared a lot about her mother. So the dad's not in the picture. And the dad kind of, it seems essentially left at some point. Uh, the family, she didn't go too much into this, but basically left everybody in a not good financial situation, uh, particularly the mom. 'cause the dad had been, you know, supporting everyone. The mom had been a stay at home mom. And when the dad left for however he was able to do this, the mom gets nothing and got nothing. And she wouldn't take him to court. And so the mom is very much alone. She doesn't have many friends. Uh, the mom is a loner. The mom has health issues and the mom clearly doesn't support herself very well. She just barely, barely, barely gets by. Um, and my client, Beth, is very worried about her mother and is very clear with me. So this is when she just morphed and stepped into this other person, almost like a little queen. Beth really wants to make money and be successful to help her mom and take care of her mom. She loves her mom very deeply, and she is functioning as if her mother's life is at stake. Um, Beth is living in tremendous fear about her mother's wellbeing into the future because again, her mom is getting older. She is not physically well. She is unable to take care of herself financially. And what I see is that, you know, Beth is gonna have at least another five years until she's making any kind of decent money, at least. Um, and she feels time is of the essence, but you can't push that. She's only in her first or second year of school. Um, so Beth is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on herself. I mean a noble young woman. Um, and in a strange way, despite the fact that, you know, she's really interested in what she's doing. Uh, she really is interested in healing and being a doctor, but her career was very much about her mother on a certain level. Um, her career feels like this is the perfect career for me because this is something I'm interested in. Plus, I can support my mother. I know I will be financially okay enough to support me and my mother. So that's her goal. And when I pointed this out to her and just kind of fed it back to her, uh, she really got it. I said, that's a big weight for anyone to carry. And I acknowledge it's a noble thing for you to do. That's a wonderful thing for you to do. Big respect, good for you. You know, how great is that? And, and, and, and can you see where this is causing you a ton of stress? And we gotta reframe this just a little bit. So for the next four sessions, we met every other week and I'm now focused on mentoring her. Um, and all of a sudden it's a whole different conversation because we're really, I mean, we're focusing on diet, but the diet piece is about if our session is an hour, we're talking about food and diet for about 15 minutes of each session. The rest of the session, I'm talking to her about the details of her mom, how her mom is actually financing herself right now. And as we're breaking it down, we're realizing that her mom is okay, her mom is getting by. Is her mom thriving on the mom's $15 an hour salary? No, but she's actually making it and she's actually okay. And the mom is not destitute. And the mom has a place to live and the mom eats food and the mom is actually able to pay her basic bills, however she's doing it. Um, so I'm trying to help her embrace her beautiful goal, and at the same time, relax around it given the details she's told me, which is so far so good. Um, interesting. After that last session, it's now easier for her to follow her dietary strategy. So all of a sudden her diet shifting, she's able to practice, you know, macronutrient balance more at every meal, change up her meals. She told me she has more energy, she has more clarity, she's in a better mood. Um, within this period of time, she's lost about four pounds and she's inspired to do more. So she wanted a 15 pound weight loss. Right now she's lost four pounds and girl is happy. So I have a client, we have a momentum, and food is a doorway. Her weight is a doorway. We're really doing the most important thing, which is helping her see her life in a more expansive way, helping her see her future in a more expansive way. Mentoring a young princess who has a noble goal in her life, and helping her reach that noble goal in a way that doesn't harm her and kill her and stress her out and make her feel guilty. And just give her a little bit of love and juice and encouragement and cheerleading and coaching and letting her know, you're doing great. You're doing great there. There's nothing more you can do right now. You're doing exactly what you say you want to do to help your mom, which is getting your education. You can't make your education move any faster than it is. And your mom's okay right now. And if for any reason something happens, you'll readjust.
Okay? So in our last three sessions, again, we're meeting every other week. Um, and at some point I suggest an elimination diet. Part of this is that she's got some momentum now around food. Um, and she's really intrigued because the young woman doesn't really know much about nutrition. Here she is in medical school. And I'm explaining to her what an elimination diet is. I'm explaining to her about food allergies and sensitivities. And it really piqued her curiosity. It really piqued her curiosity that food allergies or sensitivities might be impacting her health and her weight. So we basically went on an elimination diet, which for the most part for her is really meaning no gluten, no dairy. She wasn't doing any alcohol. Um, so she can still do her, you know, sorbet, but I was basically her basically letting go of no dairy, no gluten, wasn't doing alcohol after that. Her diet was relatively okay. Um, I didn't need her to get off her coffee in the morning because I could see that that was really serving her. Uh, you know, most people, when I put them on an elimination diet, we take them off of eggs, but it just, I I, I I wanted to modify it and make it easy for her. So lo and behold, you know, after six weeks, she loses another seven pounds and her mind is blown. Um, because she not only lost seven pounds, but her face really changed. Um, her face lost a lot of, like, she was slightly bloated and she was slightly bloated because she is, in my opinion now sensitive to gluten. So the fact that she had a seven pound weight loss in six weeks, and I see this with people, people who have gluten sensitivity and or dairy sensitivity or allergy, um, and or soy, when you get them off of what they're sensitive to, it could literally start to change their face. Um, so he's thrilled. Uh, on top of that, she couldn't believe it because she hasn't really done any exercise. She's not exercising much. She walks every once in a while she'll get to the gym. But it is really, the gym is when she's got energy and free time, which isn't often. So her bloating and digestive issues are now virtually gone. She says she feels like a weight been lifted. She's got a new positive outlook on life. Um, she's just, she's really thrilled. Um, and interestingly enough, she felt really invigorated about being a doctor and a healer now, um, because she now has this amazing tool in her toolkit called nutrition and called an elimination diet. So she's done it for herself and she sees what works for her. Um, so this was such a, uh, what a special client, what a special experience. Um, you know, I wanna share some final thoughts about her. Um, you know, I didn't do the elimination diet. I thought about it at the beginning, um, until I thought she was clearly ready.
I just wanna say that there's some people we, we, I might suggest an elimination diet right off the bat, but, you know, sometimes, uh, it's an intuitive thing. People are not ready if they're freaked out about food. If they're a little worried about, I'm gonna tweak their diet, I'm gonna change their diet, I'm gonna be the food police. I just want them to, to get accustomed to me accustomed to some dietary changes. 'cause an elimination diet is more intense. And for those of you who wanna work with this, you have to read up on it. You have to learn about it. Um, that's beyond the scope of this training, but I talk about it because the elimination diet is probably, you know, one of the top three nutrition tools you can use in your practice other than working with macronutrient balance, um, elimination diet and increasing somebody's food quality. All of that is somewhat similar. Um, you know, Beth needed to break through some of her guilt and worry her guilt and worry about her mom before she could nourish herself. She had to understand that she was not her mother's mother. She was preparing herself to be her mother's mother, which, you know, maybe on some level, you know, my friends, I believe in Soul contracts. That's just my belief. I believe that there's certain people we have soul contracts with. And I think a part of her was just truly gearing up that she's gonna be supporting her mom at some point. I, I, I mean, fine. So many cultures across the globe do that for eons of time. So this is nothing new. Um, but there was a guilt around it. Like she wasn't doing it now. She wasn't showing up now, she couldn't support her mother financially now. And all this worry about her mom was, yeah, the mom was lonely. Yeah, the mom doesn't have a lot of friends, but that's on your mom. Um, and the financial piece she's making it. So I really had to coach my client into just having a little breakthrough here, which she did.
And from that place, my client's now ready to more be at her natural weight because the shift that she needed in her inner world finally happened. So, you know, she has a total of an 11 pound weight loss. Like what a great thing. Was it 15? No, but um, it didn't really matter. It was okay. Hey, you know,
you know, I've said this. People have their number and the body finds its rightful place and her body found its rightful place. And she was fine. She looked great. The 15 pound number, whatever, you know, her body shifted. You know, she truly, because she weighed herself a lot in the past, yeah, she probably knows, yes, I gained 15 pounds. But this body weight that she's at now, that's her new normal. That's her new natural. Um, and, and I think she was really getting that. So in a lot of ways, Beth's weight was, if we can look at it from a more symbolic place, her weight was worry about her mom's future. It was carrying her, her mother with guilt. Her weight was about macronutrient balance. Her weight was about gluten sensitivity. Her weight was about not fully being in her body. Her weight was a synergy of all the things I just mentioned. And the message in her weight is that it's a call to get more conscious and poke around and look and look deeply and see what the weight is saying. And the weight was saying these different things, higher quality food, macronutrient balance, gluten sensitivity, getting back in your body, and this small emotional piece about carrying your mom and carrying her with guilt.
Can you see how our work synergized, can you see how the work would've been different if I would've put her on an elimination diet And looked at her just as a nutritional input output machine? We gotta get you exercising more. We gotta get you eating healthier food. Okay, go do it. No, I'm dealing with a human being who has emotions around food and feelings around food and hesitations around changing her diet and uncertainties and guilt that she's even know she's having. And and she's committing to see me. But then she raises her hand and say, no, I can't see you. And she cancels appointments at the last minute, or she's a no-show. And I could have easily blown her off and say like, this is the last kind of client I want. But I listen to my intuition, I listen to my connection with her and sometimes my friends. That's what it takes for us as practitioners to be more open, to be more willing, um, very satisfying client. Okay, let's do another case story. This is gonna be a different kind of case study and you'll see why I'm gonna call him Steven. When I saw Steven, he was 54 years old. He businessman business owner. He is a self-made financially successful human being married for 28 years. He's got two grown kids, so he's an empty nester. Him and his wife, uh, he loves food, he loves spectator sports. He loves investing in the stock market. He's very articulate, very friendly, very easygoing. Sounds like he's got a strong social network. He is coming to see me to lose at least 40 pounds, four zero. He wants to lose 40 pounds. Um, he's exercised in the past. He doesn't like it anymore though. He says once he begins it, he likes it, but he doesn't like it. But once he kind of gets going, it, he can, he can maintain it. He definitely doesn't like to diet. Um, he says his doctor really scared him around. Weight loss. Um, you know, I asked him, so you're here because you're doctor? And he said, well, that's a part of it. Well, what else is a part of it? He says, you know, my wife is very insistent that I lose weight and take better care of myself. His wife is health conscious. She is very, um, on it about her own health and her own nourishment and her own body. Um, and he, he definitely respects her for that. Uh, he seems ambivalent about his health to me. I know he, as he is talking about how his doctor scared him and his wife wants him to take care of his health. I can sense his ambivalence. Any other symptoms, Mr. Clients that I should know about? Um, this took me a while to pull out for him. Uh, turns out he is, he deals with depression. Uh, he's been on medication for a number of years. Uh, he's had loss of sex drive over the last handful of years. He's very tired in the morning. He's got joint pain, uh, especially in his shoulders, arm, uh, um, shoulders, elbows, wrists, fingers. Um, any complaints of a lack of motivation in general?
Okay, here's my client. And because for me, I'm a guy and I understand men because I'm a man, I am thinking certain things. My initial thoughts about Steven, um, is how can I motivate him to lose weight if he isn't inspired about life?
Remember, for the masculine mind, the masculine in men, and for many women, the masculine men, women for the masculine mind. Um, masculine mind needs a purpose to life that doesn't have a purpose to life. Taking care of the body ain't gonna do much. Um, is not gonna be that interesting. Um, my thought about him, you know, I like him. He's an interesting guy. Uh, guy, he seems very flat emotionally. He is just flat. Turns out he's been on an antidepressant for 11 years. And in his words, I don't even know if it does anything. I hear that a lot. Uh, my client seems bored with life. The only time I notice he perks up is when, when he starts talking about business, actually. So business turns him on. He also seems a bit resigned. That's kind of what I get from looking at him, his posture, the tone of his voice.
Okay? So for male clients, I want you to notice their sense of purpose for being here, especially a man of king's age. So he's a king for a man of king in training age for a man of king's age, for any man, I want you to notice their sense of purpose for being here. Because without a mission or purpose, without a compelling reason to live, it is predictable that a man's gonna want to check out of his body and not do all kinds of great nourishment practices, especially for men over 50 after career emphasis and child rearing being an empty nester, and he's hit a certain point in his career, he doesn't need to work. He can retire. Um, men in this place often hit a crisis point and lose a clear reason for being here.
So motivating a man when he is in this place is a short term fix at best, and it will soon backfire. Um, and that's what a lot of these men are used to. They're used to being motivated. So they will look to what motivates them, and they will look to me, the practitioner, they'll look to their exercise specialist, um, to motivate them. So when I'm looking at him now, I am no longer looking at somebody that I'm calling, oh, you're a weight loss client. No, he's not a weight loss client. He's a human being who came to see me to lose weight. Weight is a doorway. It's the doorway of our relationship. It is not the sum total of our relationship. I could care less truly if he loses weight, gains weight loses 40 pounds, 60 pounds. If he has the world's healthiest, most perfect body, I I, I don't care about any of that. What I care most about is that he's living the life that he's meant to live, is that he's expressing the beautiful content of his acorn, is that he's being the most fully self-expressed human he could possibly be at this point in his life. Because as he starts to do that, reaching his natural weight will probability wise be a side effect of stepping into who he's supposed to be. Personal power equals metabolic power. So this is a client who needs some coaching around purpose in the next phase of your life, which ain't easy, my friends. Again, why should someone eat healthy if they aren't really interested in being here? And and this goes for any one of us. You don't have to be a man. It, this is especially emphasized in men is what I'm saying, but you'll see it all the time in women because we are all equal on a certain level. And if we aren't fully here, if we haven't fully agreed to be here. Now this is a per person. Steven has, he's been here for a long time until now, until probably about 10 or 11 years ago. And I didn't even go into this with him, why he started on his antidepressant. But 10 or 11 years ago, it was harder for him to be here for whatever reason.
And you and I, our clients, we need to, when life is calling us, we need to, when life is calling us, rediscover a reason to be here. Rediscover some juice to be here. Doesn't mean you're gonna wake up one day and go, yay, I'm fully here. I'm fully alive, I'm fully present. But for many of us, that's an exploration. That's a, that's a road that we have to walk down. It's a practice to start to do the little things that get us interested in being here and maybe to look at some of the bigger things that would want us to fly away and not be on this planet or abandon our body and just be partially here.
So again, for the masculine mind, which you can interpret as men or a female client who has a strong emphasis on the masculine polarity for the masculine mind, we have to, as practitioners, learn to have in your hip pocket the tool, the ability to be direct, to be honest, to be bigger than your client, to be bigger than your masculine oriented client. Meaning a masculine oriented client will oftentimes have a good, strong ego. I want you to, I just want you to motivate me. I just want you to gimme a diet. Um, no, I'm not gonna do that. Lemme tell you why. So you have to be bigger than them. That's what I mean by that. You, you have to allow your ego, your confidence, your role to be bigger because they're being just a big kid and they're unconsciously bullying you. And I'm not saying that in a negative way. You have to learn how to not be bullied by your client. You gotta learn how to step up. So for the masculine mind client, we need to learn how to lay things on the line. And it's good to consider the necessity of helping them in their largest goal, which is purpose. Largest goal is always gonna be purpose for the masculine mind, particularly in this age group.
So yeah, there's clients I'm very soft with. I'm very easy with, I'm slow with, I'm very nourishing with, I'm more cheerleader. I'm more of a nourisher. I might be more of a mother to them.
I could pull that outta my pocket. I could put on that persona or that archetype for this client. I know I have to be in my strong masculine mind to deal with him, because that's what he's used to. That's what he understands. That's his language. Okay? Here's what I told him. So given all that, I'm assessing him very clearly. I'm not gonna waste any time. I'm very clear about how I want to proceed. So towards the end of the session, I told him, listen, your issue isn't weight. Uh, to me, your issue is boredom with your life. It's, it's just lack of a new vision. It's lack of a clear sense of your future. You know, you've had an amazing life, you know, in so many ways. Congratulations on successfully raising your kids. You've provided for your family. You've been a killer in the business world. You have a good relationship. You're an honorable man, and you're been laws right now. You've been amazing and you're bit lost right now. And, and I said, I firmly believe that no one can help you lose weight per se, with any dieting or exercise advice. I said, if I just gave you dieting and exercise advice, I'm clear that I'm gonna be wasting your time and mine. Why do I say that? Because in my experience, in my understanding, the only way you can really lose weight sustainably is to have a reason to lose weight, which is to have a life worth living, which is to find your new life. And that's gonna mean some exploration around your future, some coaching around that. And it's gonna mean me questioning you about your current relationship, your business, your dreams, your disappointments and more. So I'm not gonna sit here and tell you eat this and don't eat that. Because what you've told me when I asked you what you've done, what diet you've been on, who you've seen, you've been down that road, and now you're coming to the next guy, me to get the same thing, to get a diet plan and an exercise plan. And none of that's worked for you. So I don't wanna waste my time on my time or yours. So Mr. And Mr. So Mr. Client, how is this landing for you? That's pretty much how I said it. So I laid it out and now I wanna know how it lands for him. So I'm being direct. That's very honest.
So I'm gonna tell you, he was shocked. He was really, his, his eyes were so wide open, he couldn't believe he was in this conversation. Um, and he expressed, he said, you know, he said like, I didn't know I was signing up for this. He said, I thought I was going in to get a diet. I said, I understand. Um, and I said, you tell me am I on target or not? And he says, yeah, I think you're on target. So I said, listen, if we're gonna do this work, I want you to commit to 12 sessions, three months. Uh, honestly, if it's so horrible for you, of course you could leave anytime you want, but I want you to, in your mind, commit to three months worth of work. And I said, you know, I've done this work with men before. It's a little challenging. It's a little real, it's a little uncomfortable. We don't know where it's gonna go. And here's your homework assignment. Homework assignment number one is I want you to talk to your doctor about getting off of your antidepressant
and homework. Assignment number two is I want you to write down a complete list of all your disappointments.
Okay? So this is the homework assignment I gave him to talk to your doctor about getting off your antidepressant and to write down a complete list of your disappointments. So let me tell you why this was the homework assignment I invented in a moment. This is not some standard thing that I do. So this is why I invented in the moment.
You have hopefully heard me say before, and I will be reminding you several times more. Many, many, many antidepressants have weight gain or inability to lose weight as a very clear and distinct side effect. In addition, many antidepressants have as a very clear and distinct side effect, loss of sex drive. Many people are on antidepressants long-term without consciously considering the need, the use or the impact. What I want to say to you is that I am not anti antidepressants. I am pro antidepressants. I am also pro using any drug wisely and for the right amount of time and for the right purpose. So what I wanna say is, for majority of people, antidepressants should be a short term strategy. Short term strategy. You tell me that could be months, it could be several years, could be a handful of years. I'm calling that short term.
Why do I say that? Because depression is a season of the soul. It's something we go through.
When you take an antidepressant, you will flatten emotional bandwidth. Anyone who's been on an antidepressant long term and then comes off of it successfully will tell you, yeah, all of a sudden I'm feeling all these emotions.
So antidepressant, because it flatten your emotional bandwidth. Yeah, you don't feel depressed anymore, but you don't feel happy. You don't feel turned on, you don't feel excited. You don't feel like you wanna jump outta bed in the morning. It just flattens everything into a narrow bandwidth. So you're less depressed, but you're also less happy. And for many people, that's a great result temporarily. But at some point we have to claim our true flow, our true rhythm. True rhythm. We have to claim our soul
and we have to experience who we are without a drug that powerfully pulls us into an altered state.
So I always want my clients at some point, always want my clients at some point. This is what I hold for them to do their best to reclaim. Listen to this, to reclaim their true physiology, their true brain chemistry, their true inner nature, their true metabolism. Now my friends, this ain't easy. I am under no illusions that this is easy. People to reclaim or sometimes claim for the first time their true physiology, their true brain chemistry, their true inner nature. What does that mean? My client who does a ton of caffeine every day, like, fine, I'm okay with caffeine. But do you know what it's like to to live your life for five months, a year or more without caffeine? Do you know that you could actually have the energy you need without that? Life is gonna be different. But it would be interesting because it's a powerful chemical substance that skews your metabolism in a certain direction. Do you know what it's like to not be smoking pot every day? Do you know what it's like to not have to have alcohol every day? Do you know what it's like to not be on an antidepressant for years and years and years? Do you know what it's like to be eating a healthy, supportive diet that's truly in alignment with your body? So you're not eating foods that are harmful to you, that are allergens to you, that cause us reactions in your system. When we start to feel that there's a special power that gets released in the body that most people have never experienced before, because it's hard to find a good way to eat, it's hard for a lot of us to get off of the prescription medications we're on, the over the counter medications that we're on, the things that we use to constantly regulate our emotions and our energy, sugar, caffeine, alcohol. Again, I'm not saying any of these are bad, I'm just saying is there's an interesting place that the body can get to when we're free and clear of all these for some amount of time. So that's why I'm moving him in this direction. I want him to kind of look at head on, okay, you've been depressed. You don't even know if this thing is working for you anymore. You need to start to claim your emotional metabolism. You need to know what you're feeling. 54-year-old King. Don't be sitting here and telling me you're, you can't even feel what you're feeling 'cause you're on a substance that doesn't allow you to feel what you're feeling. I'm sure you had a good reason for taking it when you took it. Now we're gonna look at getting off of it just for the heck of it, just as an experiment. So I'm asking him to step up. I'm giving him a challenge, my friend. The masculine mind in us likes a challenge. More to the point. The masculine mind in us often needs to be challenged. It hears a challenge. It responds to a challenge. If it backs down to the challenge, that's information for us. Okay? Does he back down from this challenge? What's he gonna do? How's he gonna handle this one? But I'm gonna keep challenging him on this till he does something.
So again, I don't wanna waste any time with this client, his or mine. I wanted to model for him. Here's what I'm doing. I'm modeling for him the exact kind of behavior I want from him. I want clarity. I want decisiveness. I want some courage. I want some commitment. I want a sense from him that time is of the essence. And your life is important. This is important. Our time is important. That's who I want him to be, quite frankly. That's me looking at him and saying, where's life calling my client? Where is the wisdom of life calling my client? You know, where the wisdom of life is calling my client to step into his king now to step into his king archetype. Now, king archetype is courageous. It's clear, it's decisive. And even when it doesn't have clarity, it moves in that direction. It looks to find clarity. It looks to arrive at decisiveness. So it commits to finding clarity. It commits to defining the an to finding the answer. A king knows his time on planet earth is limited. So time is of the essence. So use your freaking time wisely. And if he doesn't wanna do the work, then I'm fine to lose him as a client, quite frankly. 'cause I'm in being, I'm being in integrity with myself, with life, with the universe. I'm also clear that I'm offering him a tremendous value. Yeah, you thought I was gonna give you a diet, duh, I'm not. So again, I invented these homework assignments on the spot. This is a skill that you practice, you experiment with. You intu it, you get better at it. Now, by the way. So I gave him the assignment to talk to his doctor and consider going off the antidepressant. Um, that's a conversation he has to have with his doctor. And I told him, you know, you might need to find another doctor. Your doctor works for you. You don't work for them. You need to find a doctor who's willing to, to wean you off of an antidepressant. Um, the other assignment that I gave him was to do an inventory to write down a list of all the disappointments in his life. Why? Because if I want to help my client, my male client, my person who has lost their purpose in life, uh, before they can find their purpose, they need to understand their disappointments. Because if you're a human being alive on planet, that our chances are you've had some disappointments. Disappointment is one of the most underrated emotional experiences in terms of how much it impacts us. We get disappointed for good reason. And oftentimes when we don't manage or handle those disappointments in a way that helps us metabolize them, they kind of live inside of us. So once he gives me a list of all his disappointments, then I'm gonna know what we're gonna be talking about. I have all the material I need to work with him for the next six months is his list of disappointments. 'cause we're gonna go through them literally one by one, and start to metabolize them and start to pull lessons from them.
That's why I gave him that assignment.
So here he is, we're in session number two. Now, a couple weeks later, he hasn't spoken to his doctor. Um, so again, I gave him my talk. I did a more clear intellectual intervention. I I I just wanted to hit it home again. Um, I didn't wanna let Him get away with this one because I didn't hear him say, you know, I didn't speak to my doctor, but I'm gonna do it, you know, next week, or I'm gonna do it after I leave this session. He didn't say anything. So I'm like, okay, let me give this another shot. Again, I talked about the common side effects of antidepressant use. I said, Hey, this could be the very thing that's holding you back from weight loss and from regaining your sex drive. I told him again how this is flattening out his emotional curve and it's gonna inhibit transformation and breakthrough. That's what I've discovered. And I said to him, if you wanna get your life back, I really think you need to do this. Or at least explore it. Like, like you have to explore it and you need to make the choice. You need to step up and just kind of just, just direct your own life. And here's the good news. If you went off the antidepressant and you truly lapse back into depression, go, you'll go back on your medication. It's not a big deal. Okay, next session, he canceled. Um, I emailed him, uh, and I encouraged as best I could, you know, to show up again. And he emailed back and said he would think about it, IE having another session, which simply means that's code word four we're done. Um, so I heard him say, we're done. So I said, listen, you know, I emailed him again and I mentioned to him that I somehow need to close the loop with his wife because she's the one who originally referred him to me. She was the one who was doing the schedule. She was the one who was handling the payment. So he said he would take care of all that. Um, I'm like, great, okay. I don't have to communicate with her. You're gonna, you're gonna take care. Um, great, thank you. So surprise, the next day, get an email and he's got an, and she sets up an appointment for him with me. She sets up the appointment. So he comes to the session and he comes to the session. He acknowledged his resistance and we talked about it and I said, listen, I get it. I get it. Um, and I said, you know, sounds like you, you were stiff armed here. And, and he acknowledged that he was letting his wife drive the show around his health and weight. Um, she manages a lot, you know, even though he's the breadwinner and has been forever, she manages the household. She manages a lot of the paperwork. She manages scheduling. She manages a social life. She manages paying bills. Um, and she just manages a lot of things for him, including his health. And I said, you know, wow, you're a lucky man and you know, she's being a mommy for you. She's not your, your your, she's being a mother. She's actually not being your equal right now. And you need, and that's not on her, that's on you. You're kind of putting her in the mother role here. You need to let her be an equal, which means you need to take responsibility for your health and wait. And it has to be completely off of her. And it was great because we had a honest conversation. He owned that. A big part of him just wasn't into it. Um, and again, I told him that, let listen. Well, this is only gonna be useful to you and me if you are ready to face the bigger issues in your life. He said he wasn't ready. We shook hands to work was complete. That's what happened. So some thoughts about that. I appreciate honesty in a client. We shook hands and smiled at each other. And I appreciate honesty in myself. You know, sometimes, and I really mean this, my friends, the work is getting to the place where the client sees that they don't wanna do the work. It's not uncommon. And what I'm telling you is that's okay. Now, I will do everything in my power to keep inspiring my client, to keep poking my client and urging them to take the higher road. So I'm not gonna stop until they're able to look me in the eye and say no.
And to my mind, this work was a success because the work that we did do was indeed powerful and real. We had a real conversation. So this man leaves with great value because as far as I'm concerned, I delivered a higher wisdom. I delivered a meaningful conversation, a meaningful truth that he's gonna be thinking about because in my view, my opinion, one of his soul lessons is agreeing to be here at this stage of his life. And a soul lesson is claiming a new purpose, which is hard. It's easier to just be on automatic pilot and I don't know, watch tv, go eat, play some games, not take care of yourself and just, just live out your life. Not everyone desires to be healthy in body and in weight, and you have to let that be okay. You have to let that be okay with your partner, your friends, your loved ones, your parents. We gotta get off our high horse and think that everybody's goal should be to be healthy in body and in weight.
You know, of course, if I was master of the world, I would want everybody to want that because in my opinion, if you're loving your body and nourishing it and taking care of it, that's gonna give you the best chance to be the real you, to be the best version of you, the highest expression of you, which to me is gonna make the world a better place. But not everybody's on board with that particular philosophy, belief system, or religion. In my view, not taking care of oneself is a way to exit life slowly. It's not suicide, it's not immediate. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna cut my own, cut my own neck or something. But it's, it's, it's, it's a way that we exit slowly. It's our way of saying, Ugh, this is too hard. I really don't wanna do this. And honestly, I understand.
I literally will, will have.
I accept that, that's that, that, that, that that's a person's road and journey that they have to be on. If that's what it is for them. I can't make up somebody's mind for them.
If you are thinking you have to turn people into a certain direction, the direction you want them to go. And if they don't, then something's wrong. No. Do the best you can, the best, best, best that you can. And if somebody doesn't wanna move in the direction that you know, in your heart or in your guts is the good road, then we have to let go.
You know, a lot of clients want the quick fix. They want the easy way to lose weight, which does not exist, does not exist. And they want the quick fix because that's what they've been taught by the world.
Now, with this client, I hit hard from the beginning because I was clear from the beginning where we were going. I was clear from the beginning that he wanted a diet. He wanted me to motivate him, and he wanted some magic trick. And I just wasn't up for that. So I can, I, I can smell that kind of client, um, because I've had enough experience. A lot of people, they don't say this, they don't even consciously think it, but they want us to do the work for them. Usually what you hear is just tell me what to eat. Now, there are some clients, there are some people who literally, that's actually a good thing. Just tell me what to eat. And then you tell them what to eat, and then they follow that and they're healthier and they lose some weight. So I've had clients like that who I literally just, I will tell them what to eat,
but it's, you know, how many humans are like that? I, i I think it's a tiny percentage that that's really what's gonna do the trick for them. It's a tiny percentage. And I'm, and I'm talking about less than a few percent. So to me, it's our job as practitioners to reeducate our clients and let them know the error in their thinking. If they're looking for the quick fix or if they're not willing to do the work. I don't, you, you have to see how hard you hit a client. And when with that, this particular client, I came in strong at the beginning because of his archetype and where he was in life. Sometimes in a conversation like this, it might take me three or four sessions to get there, especially if I see that there are some good dietary tweaks to make. So we are calling our clients into consciousness. We are here to ask them to grow, which for many people means grow up. Another way of saying all that is life entails work. And true transformation takes work sustainably shape. Shifting the body requires work. And oftentimes that work is inner work. And for many people, work in their mind is a dirty word.
And we have to wash that dirty word, clean of its dirty word, of its dirtiness because it's good work. So if your client isn't willing to do the work to be uncomfortable, then you likely cannot help them. And once again, it's our job to invite them into work, to inspire them into the work, you know, beat them up into it. So I was actually looking to inspire this client, other clients I'm gonna speak differently to,
but I was looking to inspire him by raising my hand and saying, Hey, here's the target you gotta hit. Here's the goal line. Here's the work that has to be done. I'm not gonna waste my time. Why? Because you're a businessman. Time is money. You know these things. You think you're a good businessman. I'm a good practitioner. I'm gonna lay it on the line for you. So that's how I chose to talk to this person, to inspire him in a new direction.
And I think it, and it did catch him off guard. And you know something oftentimes with people, my friends, you and I are planting a seed.
We're planting seeds and you never know how those seeds sprout. So that's between you and a higher power that's between you and the invisible wisdom of the universe that you have to trust. That when you come from your heart and you come from your soul and you come from your best intentions and you're taking the high road and you're speaking from a truthful, authentic place in a way that's loving and clear, you have to trust that the truth, when spoken with love and consciousness is always heard. On some level, it might mean that truth needs to be time released. People have said things to me that were very wise that I heard, but I didn't even know what it meant. But it planted a seed. And then 30 years later I'm like, oh my goodness, now I know what that person meant. Now I could put that into action. So you are always deliver, I'm always delivering value, always. I'm always delivering great value. Now that client, I only saw him for, you know, a couple of sessions, several se three sessions. I feel like, like I gave him tremendous value, but you know what? The money, the value I get in return, it might not come from him. Oftentimes the value, my friends that we give to clients comes back to us through another client or through another opportunity, or you know, through who knows where. An inheritance and investment it, it's universe doesn't care in a lot of ways where you make your money. All I'm saying is that I have learned from me to be very generous when I give value to my clients. Because I know that when I give value, I will receive value. And I might not receive value back in that moment in the form of money. But I might receive value in the form of some client all of a sudden recommends five of their friends to come and see me. And all of a sudden I got five new clients. That's happened all of a sudden like, wow, there's this whole new bunch of clients. Where do they come from? You know, who knows it might be payback from some great value that I delivered that didn't really deliver money to me. So what I'm saying is, allow for the magic of the world. Allow for the magic of the universe. Give value, give it freely. Know that you're giving it trust that value will be rewarded.
That love and consciousness combined with speaking the truth, that when you speak the truth with love and consciousness, it's always heard and it often just needs to be time released in that person. And we don't know how it's gonna impact them into the future in a positive way. The good news, my friends, is that there's more stories to come. We're still in story time here. So that was weight loss case studies, part three. Part four is around the corner. Thank you. Thank you.

PART 4

Autoscroll:

Greetings. Once again, everybody. I'm Mark David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. Here we are in our conversation about weight loss and more specifically here we are in our conversation about some weight loss case stories or studies. And where in part four of six, I hope this is helpful for you. I appreciate you as always, and I love a good story really. And before we dive into our next story, I wanna say that hopefully you're beginning to appreciate, and I really mean that the power of story, the beauty of story, our story, my story, your story in specific, your client's story, their his story. That's what history is. It's a story. Um, and another way to say that is your client's journey. Because as we learn to love story, because life is a story, all of history is indeed a story. When you die and are no longer in this world, all that's really left of you are the stories people tell about you. So as we really begin to love story, you'll see that it's a brilliant way listening to story is the way that we crack the code of our client's eating challenge and begin to help them transform. So if we looked at weight, weight loss, and our collective relationship to it as a story, it's a complex story. There's a lot going on. And if you look at weight and your client's journey with weight and their story around weight, you will see that for them it's a complex topic. It's a beautifully complex topic. And when I say beautifully complex, I say that as a compliment and I honor a story. Please remember that to be comfortable knowing this as practitioners, you know, we're in the unknown with each new weight loss client with, with everybody that comes into your office that you work with, especially your weight loss clients. You don't know where it's going. So you're in a new story with them and the story begins now. And our job, your job is to relax into uncertainty, relax into, I don't know where this is going. I don't know what's going to happen. I'm not gonna sit here and go, oh my God, what am I gonna do? How am I gonna help you lose this weight if I don't help you lose this weight that I'm a terrible, terrible coach or practitioner? No, you're gonna relax into uncertainty. You're inviting your client in to an open, Sacred Space of unconditional acceptance. You're wiping the slate clean And you're listening to your client and you're listening for their story. Because then the story is the details. And always remember, you're here to serve your client in their highest goals. Plain and simple. True, sustainable weight loss is a byproduct of a human being. Getting in alignment with the natural laws of the body and the natural laws of life, of consciousness, of growth, of who we are as human beings on planet earth. This case story for me is a juicy one because it is symbolic of, ooh, a lot of people I see out there, especially a lot of women I see out there. And I'm gonna call this woman Cindy. And when I saw her, she was 47 years old. Cindy is a mother of two college age kids. She's been a full-time mom for many years. Her husband is a successful real estate developer. Cindy does some charity work, which she loves. She takes great care of her family. She considers her marriage really good and really stable. And just, you know, one of those humans who seem to hit the jackpot. She's a regular exerciser. She really seems to love it. She's super committed to healthy eating, extremely knowledgeable about nutrition. Uh, she presents as attractive and fit. She's educated. She has very strong values in life. She talks about travel, really enjoys that. She takes the time to do some online courses and workshops, especially health and nutrition related. Um, she really seems to enjoy her life and her lifestyle. And in her words, you know, a lot of her friends consider her the person who has it all or close to it. Okay? This is a good life. However, here's her challenge. Cindy wants to lose five pounds and I mean it five pounds. And no matter how much exercise this woman does, and she does a lot, and no matter what she eats and how she tweaks her diet, the five pounds do not in any way, shape or form come off. And my client, Cindy, is clearly frustrated and is very frustrated and she admits it 'cause she works hard at this.
Let me share some more information with you about Cindy.
This kind of blew my mind. Um, she's been trying to lose five pounds for about 16 years. Uh, when I asked her, how long have you been trying to lose this five pounds? And she said, 16 years. I did my best to not react. 'cause I I just wanted to go. Wow. Um, and when I asked her, you know, where would you lose this weight from, uh, she was very clear that that would be, you know, from her midsection. And she's very determined about this. So even though I'm talking to a woman who's been trying to do this for 16 years, it it, it looks like she just picked this up 16 days ago. She did. There's, there's a lot of energy behind this. When she talks about losing this weight, she's no slouch. Um, she's on the edge of her chair. I always ask my woman client who's married and in relationship who is trying to lose weight. Um, I asked, you know, is your partner in this case is your husband, you know, okay, with your weight, yeah, absolutely fine. He can care less. Um, I also wanna say, you know, once I did my dietary intake with her, she, you know, she'd asked me a few times, I didn't, I I don't do a dietary intake with most people until towards the, you know, latter third of a session. Uh, and she was very eager to tell me her diet. Like, when do we talk about my diet? When do we talk about my diet? Um, once we did talk about her diet, she was wondering about what tweaks I would make to help her take the weight off. So Cindy's language around this is, and I'm gonna paraphrase here, but it was pretty close to this, is that this is the one thing that's holding her back in life. Wow. This is the one thing that's holding me back in life. If you could just help me handle this, that was her words. If you could just help me handle this, this is the one thing that's holding her back in life. If only somebody me could help her handle this. Um, wow. So the only thing that's holding you back is five pounds in life. That must be a powerful five pounds if that's the only thing that's holding you back in your life. Okay? She is a, are you fast eater, moderat eater or slow eater? Miss Cindy? Uh, I, I would say fast, but not super fast. Okay? So that was her answer. Um, and she asked me why I asked that, and I gave a brief explanation and she was actually very surprised at this particular nutritional distinction, eating speed and how it can impact the body. And so she was really on it and wanted to ask me a hundred questions about that because honestly, this is a lady who probably knows more nutrition than the average nutrition professional. I meet a lot of people like that. Uh, they know a lot. They, they've read everything. And so this was something new for her and she is hungry for the nutritional new. Do you know people like that? Just, just gimme the new nutrition information? And oftentimes, not always, but oftentimes the people who are hungry for the next new piece of nutritional information are really looking for the lottery ticket that's gonna make me healthy, healthy, happy, lose weight, be all healed, whatever. It's, so I got an interesting client here, I gotta tell you. Uh, so here's my approach. I want to tell you what's going on in the back of my mind in session number one as I'm talking to Cindy. So towards the end of the session, I did a usual intake in terms of, you know, her diet. And throughout the session I'm focusing, it's a date, it's a first date. I am getting to know my client.
I always, always, always, always, always wanna gather information and listen to my client's story and get to know them as if I'm gonna be spending the rest of my life with this person. I kid you not. So I wanna underline for you how I always make sure to ask a client how long they've been trying to lose the weight, in this case, the five pounds.
And when she told me 16 years, I made sure to ask her if indeed, Hey, okay, you've been trying to lose it for 16 years. Have you ever been successful? Her response was once or twice, which I found interesting. You've been trying to do something for 16 years and it worked. You would know how many times it worked. So to once or twice I found interesting. Um, in our conversation, even though I am thinking one thing, and the one thing I'm always thinking with a weight loss client is I am super clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am committed to her highest goal. And I know in, in my heart her highest goal, whether she knows it or not, is not to lose five pounds. If that's why she was put on this earth, then the creator of all there is, is a, is a strange trickster and a strange jokester. I don't believe any human is put on this earth to lose weight. We have a higher goal, we have higher mission, we have higher purpose than that.
With that, I let her know, I make sure to let her know I'm on her team in my words, my thoughts, my deeds, and my languaging to her. And I let her know, I get this is important for you. And if this is important for you, it's important for me. And it is important for me that she wants to lose five pounds. It is not important to me that she does lose lose five pounds. Um, but I'm going to, I'm trying to give you a little bit of insight into how I act like a little bit of a Trojan horse with clients that I need to take along a little slowly. I'm not gonna jump outta my skin and tell her what my inner approach is. I'm not committed to you losing this five pounds. I'm committed to your highest goal. No, this is very important to my client. So I wanna make her right, because in her world, she is right that she is saying, this is the one thing that's in my way. What did she say? If you could just help me handle this, this is the one thing that's holding me back in life. So she's, she's acknowledged that. So I wanna acknowledge her. Like, I get how important this is for you, and I really wanna help you get where you want to go. So I'm making my client right before I ever do anything else. You always make your client right. My client has a good reason for thinking that this is the most important thing in her life, and that's truly what she believes. Strange as that sounds to my brain. Um, I know it's meaningful for her. So I'm affirming that, I'm acknowledging that when I do that, I'm letting her know I am on your team, which I am
now secretly, I'm not necessarily on team. Let's lose five pounds immediately. I'm not signing up for that team yet, but I am signing up for the team called I'm on your side, Cindy, I'm on, I'm in your side of the court. I'm your advocate. I'm your guy. I'm your coach, and I am here to help you get where you wanna go.
So I mentioned to you Cindy was very focused on her diet. So I I I feel obligated to tell you what it was. Uh, she's up early, uh, 6:30 AM She has a super healthy smoothie with all kinds of great ingredients and super foods that would probably, you know, take five slides to tell you what they were. Um, she's a smoothie superfood fanatic, um, uh, 9:30 AM She has a snack. She has an organic low fat non-dairy yogurt at 12:30 PM she has lunch. She has an organic salad with avocado and sprouted seeds. Uh, she'll also have, um, two eggs with that. On occasion, 4:00 PM she'll have a snack of, uh, organic fruit plus herb tea. Her dinners at 6:00 PM It's a family dinner and it's a very traditional salad plus steam veggies plus fish or tofu or chicken. Everything's organic. They have some kind of healthy dessert of some kind. Usually it's something she makes from scratch. She drinks lots of water throughout the day. She gave me a list that she had printed out of all the supplements that she takes. Uh, seldom have I met a person who was so proud of her diet. Um, so I indeed said to her, you know, congratulations, this is a great diet. And I acknowledged her. I affirmed her. Yeah, it's a great diet. And you know what's great about it? It works for her. Um, you know, there's a part of me that kind of smiles because she's such a health fanatic. Uh, and it's just kind of funny to watch her be so devoted to, it's almost like a religion for her. I get it. I understand it's kind of a religion for me personally, so I can relate. Um, but I can also see where she holds her diet in a a, a very high esteem. And, you know, I said to her, I'm gonna tell you right off, Cindy, there's your diet's really, really good. And there's probably nothing really to change in your diet. You pretty much hit the target as far as I'm concerned, which she was extremely happy to hear. And also, uh, wasn't totally happy to hear because she's looking for the tweak because she's probably wisely thinking that if she's gonna lose five pounds, something needs to change and she's convinced it's going to be in her diet. So she's looking for me to tweak it. Um, I found myself very fascinated with her story. I really do. And honestly, my friends, if I don't get to the place where I'm fascinated by any client's story, then I'm not doing my job. And I mean that. So allow me to say that to you again. I believe, and I'm saying this as your guide here, as your mentor, as your coach, as being in the teacher role. You gotta fall in love with story. You gotta be able to be fascinated with your client's story, even if it's a tough one. Even if their story is a difficult one, even though if their story has pain and abuse and upset and harm. Um, here's a client who has a wonderful life story. I'm fascinated with that. Um, I've heard some awful client stories. I, I-E-I-I-I can't imagine living your life, I would've jumped out a window. Um, I've had clients come in to see me where God, I wish I lived your life. Um, but the result of all that is I can fall in love with any person's story. And a lot of people, maybe even most people, haven't fallen in love with their own story. So that's a gift that you give people. You become so fascinated with their story that you start to ask questions that are more powerful than you even realize. Your intuition takes over. You become a detective in a whole different way. So I'm aware that I love her story. I'm aware that she indeed has a pretty good life. And I'm also very clear inside myself that I'm not going to try to help her lose five pounds. However, I'm going to try to help her lose the need to lose five pounds. Let me say that again. I'm very clear in my mind. I'm not going to try to help her lose five pounds at all, and I'm going to try to help her lose the need to lose five pounds.
Now, this I'm going to tell you is, hmm, standard fare for me.
Standard fair meaning this is how I will work with any client who says they wanna lose five pounds. I am not going to try to help them lose five pounds.
I'm not gonna tell them that in the moment for most people,
because most people won't be able to hear it right off the bat in a first session necessarily. I'm committed to her highest goal. I am not committed to her smallest goal. I have been around the corner enough. I have done this work enough to enough
that this I need to lose. Five pounds is a interesting, bizarre, strange storyline that so many people have. That blows my mind because I still see it and I still hear it. And I want to help people liberate themselves because I know how powerful this toxic belief is. The toxic belief called, this is the only thing standing in my way, five pounds around my midsection. Wow, my friends, I I want you to hear for a moment the insanity in that. And I say that affectionately a human being that has an amazing life and is gonna say to me, this is the only thing standing in my way is five pounds around my midsection.
Now, by the way, I'm, I'm sitting here looking at this lady. There is no place to take away five pounds. Uh, I encourage you to go online. Um, you can, you can go to some of these, um, nutrition practitioner websites, dietetic websites where they sell what looks like a pound of body fat. It's like rubber, but it's, you know, meant to look like a pound of body fat. And you could order five of those. And you see how much it is, you see how big it is. Uh, and then I hold that picture in my mind about what a pound of fat looks like. And I hold it up to this particular lady. Um, I I, she might not even have a midsection after I take that away. So all I'm trying to say to you is in my lighthearted way that this is a bad virus. This is a bad meme. This is a bad form of programming. This is an unfortunate, toxic nutritional belief that holds human beings back.
So because I'm committed to her highest goal, which is being the most fully self-expressed human being that she came into this life to be. And if indeed she has five pounds to lose, then if I'm helping her become the best person she could be, then that gives her body the best chance of finding its natural weight. So, but this is what I am suggesting to you ought to be your posture ought to be your position. When you get a five pounder coming into your practice, I want you to say to yourself, I'm not gonna try to help this person lose five pounds. I'm going to try to help this person lose the need to lose five pounds. And that my friends takes a little bit of skill. That takes love, that takes commitment, that takes consciousness, that takes some confidence and that takes a little bit of training. And this is why we're here in this conversation together. I'm gonna tell you how I do it, at least with this client.
So first let me say this, and this is from me to you. This is not me talking to my client yet. Let me say this a little stronger just so you can know how I feel. I truly don't recall ever meeting a person who actually needed to lose five pounds. Like, like this was a true need. Like says who, based on what criteria and why. I mean, think about it, why so much intense importance and obsession over five pounds. So I want you to be clear about my opinion here. My strong opinion. My strong belief. I call it my strong knowing that the five pound conversation is a dead end street. It is a destination to nowhere in my experience, in my belief, it is a toxic, poisonous, viral belief that robs people of power and dignity and life expression. That viral belief is a criminal. It's a parasite that sucks our energy.
If you or your client or your friend or your loved one has this five pound thing, they did not invent that. They inherited it from the world. It's not their fault. It's not that they're dumb or they're silly or they're this or they're that is they caught a bad virus. They got a parasite that is sucking the life out of them. And that's what I'm thinking as I'm sitting there talking to my client, I'm sitting there thinking, you got a parasite in your mind and it is sucking your life force. Apparently there's five pounds is the only thing holding you back in life. Okay? So let's get straight to the core here, my friends. The five pound thing is the disease of perfectionism. It is a way that our perfectionism can express itself. It is the archetypal princess or prince caught in a spell.
You know, think of all the fairytales where the evil witcher, the evil, whoever puts a spell over the princess or the prince and they fall asleep. Well, we had a spell put on us by the world. And the spell is, you need to lose five pounds. Then your life will be wonderful, then everything will be great. Then you'll be above and beyond all criticism. Everything will be perfect. You will be so happy, it will all fall into place. If only you can do that, then it'll all be wonderful. That's a bad spell my friend. And it has us chasing some imagined dream that everything's gonna be okay. Once it's perfect body is attained, I'm gonna have nirvana and enlightenment. It's not true. Like I said, it is a bad virus. And the only thing to do, the only cure for this is that we gotta wake up 'cause we're asleep. We're that princess in the fairytale. We're that prince in the fairytale who's just, who's of spell has been put over on them and they're asleep.
And when somebody's asleep, somebody generally needs to wake that person up. If they're not waking up themselves
when someone is asleep and they're in your space or they're coming to see you, when you're the professional,
it's your responsibility to turn on that alarm clock.
Hmm, calling out a responsibility. If your client's asleep, it's your responsibility to help them wake up. I am postulating that that is my opinion about your role because we are putting ourselves in the position. We're saying, I am here to help you client. You are in the helping professions. I am saying you have a task. And your task is ultimately to help people wake up. So if you're doing this kind of work, I'm calling that a responsibility. Otherwise, don't do this work if you're not willing to put on the alarm clock when somebody is clearly sleeping. Now we gotta be effective in how we turn on the alarm clock because you can't just make a loud buzzing noise that's not necessarily gonna do it. You can't just scream at your client. That's not gonna do it. We have to be smart. So perfectionism and wait, ouchies, those two have found an unholy marriage with one another. It's a bad relationship. Perfectionism and weight. That is a bad relationship tho those two, we have to break them up. So we need to help our clients step into consciousness. That's another way of saying waking up, stepping into consciousness means being more self-aware. We need to, at some point, at some point I am going to provide my client with an intellectual intervention around their five pound perfectionism. But I gotta time it right too soon I'm gonna lose my client too late and I'm gonna probably disappoint them or make them feel like I've been leading them on.
So I wanna time it right. Don't worry, don't worry about this. You'll get it. Right. More to the point. In this case, I am dealing with a woman who is a queen in training. In fact, she's a late queen in training. She's 47. So she's ready to step into her queen hood. So we need to indeed, in this case for a queen, we need to indeed call a queen into her age appropriate archetype. That's your job, my friends. It's a simple one. Like really? 'cause you're not treating the person because you're treating the archetype. When you treat the archetype, you have an amazing skill, an amazing power. You have the force of the universe behind you and you are doing a strategic strike right where it needs to happen. You're hitting the target.
It's all about calling, in this case a woman into her age appropriate archetype, which is the queen. Perfectionism belongs to the princess stage. It is a byproduct for many princesses of the princess stage and of living in this world, in the princess stage,
because we are often training our princesses that they need to be perfect. We are telling them, you need to be perfect in how you look. So they are good princesses. Like, okay, I need to be perfect. I'll look perfect. 'cause they want to be loved. They want to be adored. They want to be accepted. They want us to love them. So if we tell them, here's how we will love you small princess, you have to look perfect, you have to act perfect, you have to eat perfect. Whatever it is, they believe it. 'cause that's what the adult world is telling their impressionable mind. And the young princess and prince stage is highly susceptible to perfectionism, particularly the princess. Highly susceptible to perfectionism. Remember the old fairytale, the princess and the P gets on the mattress? Ah, it's a little uncomfortable 'cause there's a P under it and they put another mattress top. No, it's still a little uncomfortable. Still a little. Still, still, still. So there's 20 mattresses. That's the perfectionism. It's never good enough.
So again, yes, I'm talking to my client, I'm talking to Cindy, but when I'm looking at her, I'm looking at a queen who's been a princess.
So I'm looking at working with the archetype. Oh, I hope you're getting this. I hope this lands for you. Yes, I'm talking to a person. Yes, Cindy is her own unique human being. There is no other human being like her on planet earth. At the same time, she shares something in common with every woman, which is every female, which is at some point they're in a princess stage and at some point they're in a queen stage. And a lot of people, particularly in the western world,
end up being princesses long into their queen stage because that's how they've been taught. So we are now aware of that. We understand that. We know that it's, we as practitioners know that it's not my client's fault. There ain't nothing wrong with my client. She's not a bad girl, she's not a bad person. She's somebody who caught a bad cold. She caught a bad virus that is circulating around the earth. And you and I are here to help provide a little bit of medicine for that bad virus, that bad parasite. Because when you give the right medicine, that thing will just, it'll die. Sometimes it dies a quick death. Sometimes it dies a slow death. Sometimes it's medium. But as soon as you introduce consciousness into a toxic belief, when you introduce consciousness into someone who's asleep, a spell has been put on them. And you start to wake someone up with the light of consciousness, you've planted a seed and it takes over and it works. You gotta trust that. You have to know in your heart that when you introduce consciousness, when you introduce a truth with love and with understanding, it's gonna be heard. Okay? So again, I wanna remind you, I told Cindy, I really want to help you get where you want to go. I expressed to her my sincere dismay that she'd been trying to lose the same five pounds for 16 years. I said, listen, that really bothers me. I that that's too long. I said, that is just too long. We gotta figure something out. Which is true for me. I'm not telling her exactly what I'm thinking, but I'm acknowledging like, ouch, 16 years. So I wanna let her know, at least from the beginning, notice how I'm kind of seeding. Like, wow, that's a long time. We gotta push the fast forward button on. This is what I told her. I really want to help you get where you want to go because it, it's, it's just, that's too, that five pound has been, you said the one thing that's standing in your way and holding you back an aspen for 16 years, unacceptable for me. We gotta figure this out. Um, which he agreed like, yeah, thank you. And inside I'm thinking, yeah, we have to handle this. I wanna help you let go of the need to lose that five pounds. But I'm not saying that yet because it's not the right time. I expressed to her my curiosity around the times that she did lose the five pounds and asked what changed for us. Okay, Ms. Cena, you said there were one or two times over the last 16 years that you lost the weight. Like did anything change for you when that happened? And she really had a think and she said, N no, nothing really. And I said, do, do you remember? How did you lose the five pounds? And she said, well, I was probably just dieting more intensively and exercising more intensively. And I said, do you, do you know how the weight can, like she really couldn't remember. And I really saw her struggling to remember.
So I didn't wanna push her too hard on this, but I just took note. So there's a part of her that when she finally lost the five pounds, she was still asleep, is what I'm trying to tell you. She was still hypnotized, she was still, she, she still had a spell put over on her. So the bottom line is, I know, and you know that even when she did lose the five pounds, it wasn't perfect. Her life didn't change. She can't even remember.
I'm curious to see if she makes that connection herself, which she doesn't, which is fine because that shows me the power of the spell.
The world puts a spell on us, my friends, when it does, we wake up when we do my job. Your job when we're working with clients is to notice when the world has put a spell on them. When we have toxic nutritional beliefs, toxic beliefs about life that don't serve us. So I told her,
I think I have a strategy for you. And I said to her, I wanna take just a little time out with you and spend some time with you letting go of losing the five pounds. And it's just a timeout. And let me explain to you what I mean. Cindy to me, if this is the only thing holding you back, that's a big thing. If this is the thing that's in your way, that's a big thing. It's stressing you out. I wanna talk to you, remember earlier Cindy, when I was talking about eating speed and we started talking about the stress response. I wanna go over that with you one more time, Cindy, because this is important when you and I are in a stress response. So this is an ancient evolutionary adaptation that helps us survive in the world. So the lion's chasing you, your heart rate goes up, your blood pressure goes up, all the blood is shunted away from your midsection, from your digestive organs. The blood rushes to your arms and legs for quick fighting or fleeing the blood rushes to your head for quick thinking. Your digestive system shuts down because you don't need to be digesting your meal when you're running for your life or fighting for your life. And you're gonna be producing more insulin and cortisol. Those are the stress hormones. Now what's very odd is that when us humans are under day in, day out stress, that means day in and day out elevated insulin and cortisol. And you could google this Cindy Ms client. But what happens is when we have elevated insulin and cortisol for a lot of people, that will signal the body to store weight, store fat and not build muscle just the opposite of what a weight loser wants. So that insulin and cortisol that we secrete in excess every day because of a stress or will literally change our metabolism, will stop you from building muscle. That's your calorie burning tissue stated in another way, day in day out, stress can slow down, can decrease your calorie burning capacity and cause weight loss resistance. So I'm just interested to see what would happen if I can just help you relax a little bit because you have such a good diet. Like there's just virtually no place to work with your diet that I would think I can help you lose five pounds of body fat. But if we come in through a different doorway, because you've been trying this for 16 years with diet and exercise, it didn't work. You said it worked once or twice, but it didn't work sustainably. So I'm just trying to come in a different door and just, we're gonna just, uh, take a little time out. I'll tell you what that means soon we're gonna work on other stuff just to see if that changes your metabolism. And I said, you know, I think this might be a three or four month project between me and you. So I'm gonna put you on a no diet diet for a while and we can come back to it, trust me. We'll, we'll come back to focusing on the weight without a doubt. And we might come back to focusing on the weight very quickly. It might be a month, it might be less than that. It might be two or three months. I don't know. So, because everybody's different in how their body responds when we help them let go of stress. So my friends, I'm gonna pause for a second. You just heard me kind of give you the download on how I spoke to Cindy. Can you see what I just did? I'm basically showing her my hand without showing her my hand. I am using a scientific explanation to tell her that, huh? We let go of weight loss just for a little while, just for a little bit, just for a little bit that might impact your metabolism simply because of the stress response. So I said it in a way that she can understand it. I never said to her, I never want you to try to lose five pounds again. That's a toxic nutritional belief. You're asleep, you have a spell put on you by the evil witch of the universe. Like no, I am bringing her along slowly. So when she heard this and the way I explained it, and I acknowledge you have such a great diet, so we're gonna go through a different door because in your 16 years diet and exercise didn't work. So we're gonna try something a little bit more mind body just for a little bit. And then we're gonna come back to the five pounds. She liked that she's enrolled. It was a little weird for her. She wasn't sure, but she was sold because I presented it in a positive upbeat way, in a way that I knew she could hear it.
And if you're not so sure about what I just did, like rewind this and play this little conversation that I just had with her again and just notice what I did. I am sneaking her into my worldview without hitting her over the head with it.
So I sent her home, she's interested in working together, there's no homework assignment. And next session we talked about slowing down with food. Um, I once again gave her all the scientific mind cookies. I always make sure to give this client a lot of scientific mind cookies. Why? Because she loves it. She eats it up. It is food for her brain, for her soul. And great, I'll give you as much as it, it seems like is gonna satisfy you. Um, I also just opened up the conversation with her. I, I'm, and I said to her, you know, you, you're, you're an exceptional client. I said to her, you have a really good diet. You really take care of yourself. Like, I'm very impressed, which is true. I am. Um, I'm wondering what a more nourishing relationship with food looks like. Like do you feel nourished with food? Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel happy? I know you feel good about what you eat, but I'm wondering if you feel good when you eat and after you eat. So we just started that conversation. Um, we talk more about eating while in a relaxation response. She really likes this. She really likes this because she hears science and metabolism and optimum state of digestion and assimilation and calorie burning as parasympathetic nervous system and dominance. She loves it. Um, so I gave her some assignments, okay, we're gonna slow down when you eat. You know, put on some music, put yourself in a good environment. She has all the wherewithal that she needs in her life to take more time. 'cause she's got a good life and she has spaciousness. Um, so we talked about slowing down with food and we talked about creating an environment that's even more relaxing for her. So this will help put her into the relaxation response while she is letting go paradoxically, of losing the weight and not thinking about it too much is what I suggested. Um, I also said, you know, something I've been thinking about you. The one thing I would change in your diet is I might give you a little bit more essential fatty acids, meaning healthy fat. Now I kind of knew this would maybe not go over well with her. And she expressed a little bit of concern around that. You know, part of bringing that up for me was I just wanted to see what would happen for her that let me know that indeed, you know, it certainly confirmed for me she has a fear of fat.
It exposes her a little bit more. I it was a throwaway line, but I'm also allowing her to experience herself a little bit. So I've just brought up this topic of a little more essential fatty acids in your diet. I didn't say more fat in her diet. I said a little more essential fatty acids in your diet. I didn't say fat because people often hear fat is gonna make you fat. Um, and I'm, I was proud of her. She, she expressed fear right away. Like, good for you. Okay, you're, you're letting me know you are afraid of this. And that makes perfect sense given a majority of people do have the toxic nutritional belief that fat and food equals fat on my body. So I just took notice of that and,
and tabled it for now.
Okay, session number three. She comes back in. We talk about life unfolding. How did things go for you the last couple of weeks? How is it slowing down? How is it creating a more relaxed experience around food? Ah, I love it. She was on it. Slowing down with food was really hard for her. Becoming a slow eater was very hard for her. Again, she wasn't super fast, but she noticed how hard it was. And I was glad she's honest and she was really taking it on and she was really trying. I started talking to her. I dropped the conversation, a, a very light intellectual intervention with her around five pounds and perfectionism. I just started saying, you know, sometimes people just get so caught up in being perfect. I'm not saying this is you, but I've had clients before who, you know, they're trying to lose five pounds. And I, and I'll look at them and I'll think, my goodness, where's this person gonna lose five pounds from? And then later on in the work, we realized that, that, that this person was just gripped with being perfect. You know, so I'm not saying that that's you, but I just wanna make sure that, you know, we've got our eyes on that in case that does show up for you. Um, so I just dropped that, I just dropped that little hint just to plant that seed just to see what we, what she would do. And she would just quiet. She just shook her head and acknowledged it as if that's not her. And, you know, we talked more about this no diet diet and what that meant for her. And, you know, she said, yeah, well I'm, I'm still thinking about losing the weight because we're working on that. And I said, Hey, you know something, here's what I would love to do. I would love for you to let go of the scale for the time that we're working together for the next three months. Um, I had a talk with her about that, about the numbing power of numbers. And I said, I just wanted her to feel her body. I wanted her to feel what it felt like to experience her body without the weight on the scale, the number on the scale, telling her how she should feel because she waves herself every day. And I said, it will be interesting to just take a vacation. So this is part of your no diet diet, Cindy. I just want you to empower yourself to tap into your body wisdom more. I could use terms like that to her. She likes it. I said, because my concern is that whenever you look at a scale and it doesn't move, it disturbs your mind and that puts you in more stress and it makes you feel like you're not perfect yet. And that stress is creating stress chemistry, which is creating more insulin and cortisol, which can create weight loss resistance. So I'm always bringing that scientific mind cookie with her. Um, and I said to her, you know, because she, she was really, she didn't like the idea of letting go of the scale. She didn't like it. I said, listen, I, I I wanna talk to you a little bit more about this perfectionism thing because the scale, here's how I said it. The scale can teach us to be perfectionists. So I'm taking it away from her. I said, the scale can teach us to be perfectionist. It can train us to be perfectionist because we're looking for perfection when we look at the scale. So I, I would love to give you a homework assignment and, and, and you know, if you're willing, I would love for you to journal all the places in your life where you might be practicing trying to be perfect. I don't know, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect body, the perfect this, the perfect that the perfect friend, the perfect daughter. Like, just imagine all the places in your life where you practice being perfect. You know, I gave her some examples from my own life. You know, in my own history, when I was an athlete, I wanted to be perfect in everything I did. I wanted to hit every shot from the court. You know, I said for me as a, as a, as a professional, like, I wanna be perfect with each client. And if my clients don't always get where they wanna go, I used to just beat myself up. So I just kind of made it real a little bit for her and spoke to her about that. She actually enjoyed that. So I didn't call her a perfectionist. I said, the scale might be pulling you into perfectionism. I talked about how five pounds can often move people towards perfectionism. And I asked her to write down places in her life because I'm thinking in the back of my mind, this is a person who's practicing perfectionism and doesn't know it. So I'm sneaking it in there. I'm sneaking in the possibility not hitting her over the head with it. So session number four, wouldn't you know it? 'cause I gave her a, a deep assignment actually, and Cindy just really opened up in this session. Hey, you know, how was the last couple of weeks for you? How was the assignment? Eating slow, being more relaxed, the perfectionism thing. And she launched into her relationship. Um, and she's really been reflecting on how she doesn't feel seen and appreciated by her husband. Now, previously, she has painted her marriage as a really wonderful one, and she made sure to tell me it is a wonderful marriage, but secretly and silently, she doesn't feel seen by her husband and she doesn't feel appreciated by him. So I said, wow, I like, you know, thank you for sharing that. Like, I really appreciate that you being so open and honest and, and, and here's what we do. When a client opens up like that, can you say more about that? Like, what would it look like if he appreciated you more? Okay, you get that question my friends? What would it look like if he appreciated you more? And then the next place she went to was, well, he would be more romantic. You know, it turns out she wants more romance in her life. And she said he isn't wired that way. She's spoken to him about it, she's complained about it, and he's just not wired that way. But she doesn't like it. She resents it. She doesn't feel good. This is a lady who works hard at being a mom, heart of being a wife, heart of being a good person in the world. This is like an exemplary citizen. This is a cool freaking lady. This is a great human being who isn't spoiled in any way, shape or form. You know, she's, she has money and she has success that's been afforded her. And she volunteers. She donates her time. She's, she shares the, well, she's a good queen. Um, and she wants a little romance queen is every right to ask for that. So I started talking a little bit about Princess and Queen. I said, you know something I wanna share with you about Princess and Queen. According to the system I work by, you know, you're in, you're, you're a queen in training. You're virtually a queen. A woman's a queen in training. I said to her, from 40 to 40, 49, a woman becomes a, a, a queen. By the time she hits 50 previously, she's a princess.
And I explained to her a little bit about the princess archetype and how the princess needs affirmation from outside of herself. The princess is conditioned to look a certain way. Oftentimes in our culture, that means skinny and pretty. A princess is taught that when you look a certain way, when you act a certain way, when you have a certain shape, when you have a certain size and weight, then you are lovable. If you don't have that, then you aren't lovable. I said, you know, princesses and princes, they're younger and they have magical thinking and they often think that if they can just have this one thing, then everything would be great. And I said, you are a queen. And what I see you doing is you're sitting on your throne and you haven't really claimed your power because you're sitting on your throne saying, Hey everybody, I'm your queen, but you know, I'm really not because I'm not okay, because I have to lose this five pounds right from over here. Look at my belly, I got this five pound extra and because, and, and this five pounds is holding me back from being your true queen. But as soon as I lose this five pounds, don't worry, I'm gonna be a real queen. I said to her, queen owns her body. She owns her life. She owns herself. I talked about the princess and the p that archetypal story, that fairytale. I laid it out for her. I said, I think, I think that there's a part of you, uh, in, in all these other places in your life, you are a freaking queen is what I said. And when it comes to your body and your weight, you are living in your princess. You are still wanting to look perfect so that the world loves you. And who's gonna love you more when you lose this five? Like who, like, who's gonna love you more? I said, you're draining your power. So this is when I let her know. And it was a very powerful conversation. And I said to her, this five pound thing, in my opinion for you is draining your energy. And it's a smoke screen for the viral belief that you have caught. You've caught a virus, and the virus is perfectionism and you don't even know it.
I told her that it was time for her to fully step into her queen. And in order to do that, she needs to let go of the need to lose five pounds. And she needs to own herself and own her body and own her life. And step up, is this how you want your daughter to present herself to the world? Would you want your daughter doing what you are doing and saying what you are saying?
It was very powerful. There was some tears, there was a lot of silence, there was more tears. And I sent her home with some journaling. I said, listen, I just want you to spend some time and write down who would you be and what would life be like if you let go of losing five pounds forever? Where would you put all that energy? How would you be different? How would life be different? How would you show up differently if forever? And this is just a game. Play this in your mind. If forever you let go of losing that five pounds.
So this was session four, my friends, yeah, for a five pounder. I'm probably not gonna wait much longer than a fourth session, but I built a connection with her. We built a relationship, we built an understanding together.
She was trusting me by now.
Well, as it turns out, you know, from the previous session when I had asked her about where she's trying to be perfect, she had noticed that she had the belief. So she did this work, she worked it. She came into this session. She had told me that she realized that she felt she needed to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother have the perfect life and the perfect body. So she had made that connection. She then told me she had grown up trying to please everyone. And that that's how she scored points. She didn't use that term, I'm using that term. So she had grown up being a people pleaser. And the more she people pleased and she was good at it, her parents, the people around her, her family, her friends, school, she was an exceptional student. She was exceptional in anything she did. And the more she did that, the more everybody loved her and praised her. And the more she was fit and beautiful at the same time, the more everybody praised her and the more everybody loved her. So she also said she felt a silent pressure to appear happy even when she really wasn't. IE she's not happy in her relationship. She realized she'd been living one life in her outer world. Everybody thinks she's got the best life and another life is being lived in her inner world. She secretly was feeling that she wasn't enough. So this is all that all what came out in this fourth session based on the homework assignment from the previous session.
And this is what helped me move into the conversation about perfectionism in five pounds. So she's already identified that, oh my God, I realize I'm walking around. I gotta be the perfect wife, the perfect mother have the perfect life. So of course you don't wanna stop there. You might as well have the perfect body.
So here's a woman who secretly feels that she's never enough. And I said to her, you wanting to lose that quote unquote extra five pounds is a constant affirmation. And it's actually proof to your brain that you're not enough. So you have this false belief that you're not enough. By the way, that's a false belief. I said, you have this amazing life. You have won the lottery and you're acting like you're a loser of the lottery. So the way you prove that is you invent this five pound thing that you'd actually didn't invent the world gave it to you. You just grabbed onto that, oh, I'm not perfect because I still have this five pounds. I'm not enough. I'm not lovable because I still have these five pounds. So that extra five pounds is proof to you that you're not enough. So instead of losing the five pounds, which you tried, remember you said you lost it twice. You can't even, you couldn't even remember what happened because you have a spell over you, you lost to five pounds and it didn't change anything for you. I just wanna let you know that. Is this how I'm talking to her, my friends? I cannot tell you how relieved Cindy was to be seen. So I'm telling her some difficult stuff. But she was actually relieved to be seen. She was actually relieved to be in deeper honesty with herself and honest with another human being. So I'm the first person that she's talking about, Hey, my life is really not so great.
And oftentimes that's what you are doing with a client. You are being their best friend. You are being their mentor, their guide, the person that they can just talk to you and be honest and open. That has an unbelievable, tremendous value. That's the reason for me to be in this work, not to change somebody's diet and macronutrient balance, which I will do, which I'm fine doing, which is great to do to help people when that's gonna help them. But this what we're talking about is the real work. Uh, it is unbelievable. I'm so glad I waited till session number four because there was a gradual getting to know each other. There was an uh, there, there was an opening up process. There was a, okay, I'm dropping little hints, letting her know, hmm, there might be some perfectionism involved, huh? We're gonna go on a no diet diet for a while. We're gonna let go of losing this five pounds just for a little bit just to see if stress chemistry might change things, which it did. Didn't change her weight, but it changed her outlook. And it allowed space for her to wake up because her brain, her mind is not being pounded constantly by you need to lose five pounds, you need to lose five pounds. So I'm now dealing with a woman who is stepping into honesty because I helped create the space for her to be real and honest. And it was a safe space. Okay, so I'm gonna fast track this.
Sessions five through 12, our work became coaching her around the feminine. And every session is life unfolding. How's life, what's going on with you? What's going on with your husband? What's going on in your world? Are you weighing yourself? Did you stop? We focused on her relationship with her husband and how to improve it. So that relationship, her relationship with her husband became a, a key check in place to talk, to connect openly and honestly, I would give her different assignments. Um, Cindy needed someone who was not a friend in her world who she could download about her life. She'd just talk real because everybody else was getting the beautiful, wonderful, Cindy has a great life version of her life because that's what she felt she needed to share to be more loved because she grew up as a people pleaser because that's what got her the love. And in each session we talk about how have you been stepping into your queen hood this week? And in each session, I constantly affirmed to her that her highest goal was to let go of perfectionism and let go of five more pounds to lose and just live your life and say goodbye to the princess. Say, say goodbye to perfect and to grow up and to mature, and to start to see where you want. Channel this energy and channeling it more into your passion, into your creativity. And in that process, she discovered that she was hungry to write and to explore her spiritual side. These are things she'd been thinking about for a while. This is a person who's been reading a tongue and studying a ton and as a smart lady and hadn't really taken the time to write, she was afraid to, but she just wanted to write and explore her spiritual side. Take different workshops, go on different retreats, um, so all of a sudden she's stepping into her queen hood in that way. What a beautiful thing that's gonna help her step into queen Hood, because that's what's present for her. When I said, okay, where are you gonna put this energy if it's not all going into your five pounds? And this is the first thing she comes up with, is a deep writing is a soulful act. Writing can connect us to the soul, to our essence. Exploring our spiritual side connects us to something deeper.
So let me share some final words about her. She was clear, you know, by session number four or five, she was clear that she didn't need to lose five pounds. And this was a huge accomplishment for her. She wasn't easy for her, she was still attached, and she'll, she'll own it. It's like, Hey, I still look at myself and wish my belly was flat. Um, and she knows that this is her path and I work together. She acknowledged she was feeling way more like a woman, way more like a queen. She was feeling less needy around her husband. She was feeling more self secure. Um, she shared with me that at, at one point she got relieved that she didn't need to weigh herself so much. Um, at one point she admitted that it really felt good to let go of losing the weight. Um, she shared about her work with me with a number of her girlfriends, um, how they started a power, how she started a powerful conversation in her social circle. Um, all of a sudden she transformed her social circle by talking about this work that she was doing with me, especially around perfectionism, around health and weight. Because she started recognizing that she had a lot of friends who were living in the same zip code that she was, meaning living in the same toxic belief that I have to be perfect, I have to have the perfect body, the perfect health. Um, she was very, very, very grateful for the work together. You know, she really stepped into a place of greater confidence. Um, you know, Cindy did have a fear of fat and food and fat on her body that by the time we were working, she still hadn't a hundred percent, you know, come to terms with, uh, we did add some extra fat into her diet at one point, and I was really easy about that. It was just edgy for her. It was a great practice. She was surprised that she didn't gain any weight. So I was helping her slowly, gradually let go of the toxic belief. Fat and food equals fat on my body. During this time, I'm also gonna say her relationship with her husband improved. We worked on that a lot and deepened as she shared. So my assignment with her was just share with her husband what you feel like sharing about our work together, and in fact, you can share with him that I asked you to share with him about our work together. Um, so she was being truly honest with him, really for the first time because she wasn't just saying she wanted more romance, she was also owning that she had been gripped in this perfectionism and trying to be pleasing everyone and trying to take care of everybody. Um, in that process, he just, he felt closer to her and he realized on his own that he really wanted more time together with her outside of parenting and their social circle, because as it turns out, the majority of time that husband and wife spent together was either around the children or, you know, around family or around just being with their social circle, which was very extensive and a lot of fun for them. So he came to the realization on his own, like, oh, I need, I want more time here. So that is another way of saying, Hey honey, me and you. And that's another way of saying he's wanting to be more romantic. So just by her being more honest with him, he started dropping into that place more naturally. Fascinating. Ha. Sometimes you gotta let go of what you want to get what you want, or we have to be more in touch with ourselves. Um, yeah, he wasn't wired this way and that's not easy for him, but as soon as she was more revealing and honest, he went there too. That's a good relationship.
Well, some final thoughts here about Cindy. Um, again, I wanna say here, here was my hidden strategy. I absolutely knew for sure from the beginning. I would not try to help her lose five pounds. And I waited patiently to help her reach a place where she would be more open to this new possibility. Third or fourth session, I wanted to build a sense of safety and trust and connection first. So inside myself, I was not working with weight loss. I was working with weight. I'm working with my client's relationship with weight, with a weight loss client. I always work with weight. That's how I language it. I know my client wants to lose weight and I'm gonna work with weight and might lose weight. They might not lose weight, they might lose the need to lose weight. They might lose some weight, they might lose all the weight, they might lose more weight, doesn't matter. I'm working with weight and their relationship with it.
So I was also happy to move at the pace of slow, which I did. I was very patient, but paradoxically I wanted to help her get where she needs to go as quickly as possible. So I'm thinking along the lines of, I know at some point with this client, sooner than later, I want to deliver the message that I have to say, which is this five pound need to lose this, this five pound things is a toxic viral belief that you didn't invent and it's grip you. And it's about perfectionism. So I know that's where I want to go. I wanna take as much time as possible while moving there as quickly as possible. So I didn't give her what she wanted, but she certainly got what she was truly needing simply because I was staying committed to her highest goal. And that's my agreement with the universe. That's my agreement with a higher power. And because of that, our relationship, her relationship and my relationship worked. It was a successful relationship. And now here's a woman who has matured and stepped more into her queen hood, and now she knows where she needs to go. And now she's an example for younger women. And now she can be a leader. And now she can step into her confidence more and step into her archetype and step into her queen hood. What a good thing. What a great opportunity. My friends, you and I have to help others. What a great opportunity to be mentors and guides. Weight is a doorway. And where the doorway leads is different for each and every client. And you know, sometimes it's a beautiful story that we have to tell about the client. Sometimes you've seen the story is, yeah, I work with this client and after a few sessions we decided we're not gonna work together. So we never know where it's gonna go. And that's okay. This is life unfolding. It's being willing to do your best and to represent the highest. My friends, I really appreciate you hanging in there. And there's more stories to tell. This was weight loss case studies, part four, part five is next. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. I'll see you on the other side.

PART 5

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Greetings once again. Friends. This is Mark David, founder of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating. And we are continuing our conversation about weight loss case studies and stories. We're on part five of six right now. And before I dive into our next story, little bit of food for thought. Some reminders. We don't know where the work will be going with a client. Really, we don't know where it's going. My client comes into my office, he, she sits down. I have no idea what's gonna happen. None of us have any idea what's going to happen. So our job as practitioners is to always be comfortable as best as humanly possible, being in the unknown. Because when we relax into the unknown, we are relaxed. When we relax into the unknown, there's a magic that happens. When we relax into the unknown, we can access a greater wisdom in our own body and our own brain and our own being, and perhaps tap into something greater that's beyond us in terms of wisdom and insight. Another way to say all this, my friends, is trust. Trust, trust, trust. Trust the journey with your client. Trust that you are guided here. Trust that there is a greater wisdom at work in this unique kind of relationship. Your job is to invoke that greater wisdom, access it, or at the very least, be open to it. Be curious about it. Another way to say all that if that doesn't resonate for you, is we as practitioners need to be very willing to explore. You gotta be willing to hit a dead end. Because if you've been around planet earth long enough, occasionally you're driving and you get a little lost and you hit a dead end. It happens. You can beat yourself up for hitting a dead end. You can sit in the car and talk about how awful and miserable it is to hit a dead end. Or you can just turn the car around and retrace your steps and see where you need to go. So not only do I let myself be willing to go where the journey takes me and my client, I'm willing to hit the walls. I'm willing to hit the dead ends. I'm also willing to find some great nuggets of wisdom. I'm willing to see success. I'm willing to celebrate all the little successes. I'm willing to embrace it all.
And as always, your client might lose some of the weight, all of it, none of it. They might even gain some weight. And as a practitioner, allow yourself to relax and let go and be on the ride. Sometimes that's the best we can do. So with that in mind, my friends, I'm going to share with you the case story of a client who really was one of the clients in my journey, who helped me deepen into the unknown and deepen into trust, and really helped me navigate in the dark where I wasn't quite sure what's next.
This is a woman, I'm going to call her Mary. Mary, when I saw her was 53. Married. Very charming lady. Funny. She is the quintessential life of the party type. She's the kind of person that walks into a room and just lights it up. Everybody's happy. Uh, she has a very eager intellect. Uh, she has a fabulous kind of youthfulness about her. Mary has four kids, three of them are now independent and on their own. She has a teenager who lives at home. She has a ranch lifestyle. They live in a country. It's kind of a farm. Um, she lives partly off of an inheritance and partly off of her husband's, uh, light contracting work that he does. Uh, Mary's educated. She's, she is a bright light. She's a happy person. Mary's five foot nine. She weighs 195 pounds. She is lose. She is coming to see me because she wants to lose 45 to 50 pounds. Now, as Mary has explained to me in our first session, she can lose 25 pounds on a medical fast. So she's gone on a medical fast three different times and quite literally gains that weight right back. Mary has let me know in no uncertain terms, she is tired of dieting. She's very motivated and she's very frustrated. She describes, she laughs when she says this. Um, her husband is very fit and slender. Uh, he's in his late fifties and she says she finds herself jealous of him. They have a great relationship. She just speaks super highly of him. Um, he's a very uncomplicated kind of guy and we always joke about it. He has zero issue about her weight. And as she says, 'cause I question her, um, he's truly clueless as to why she isn't happy about her body and her life. So he is quite aware that she wants to lose weight. He is quite miffed by the whole thing. Just, you have a great life. We have everything we want. Enjoy it. Gosh, that's a common story that I hear. Uh, she finds this very refreshing and annoying at the same time, and she can say that and laugh. Uh, Mary considers herself a fast eater. The only other secondary complaints that I heard her mention and I ask, she has some occasional bloating and constipation. So this is my client. And when I first meet my client, you know, I'm excited to work with her just because when I sit down with her, I get a lot of energy. I just feel good. I get energy. She just lights up the space. And this was a client who was, you know, phone and Skype client, so I should say that. Um, but she's just, she just brings a, a light and a positivity with her. That's, that's just very refreshing. So a little bit more information about Mary to see if I can round things out. In general, she's a very, very confident human in the way she talks. Uh, and in a way she describes herself. She'll say, I'm, I'm just, I'm a confident person except in one place when it comes to her body. She's not confident about her body and she is ongoingly embarrassed about her weight. Nobody knows that except for her and her husband, but for him, it goes in one ear and out the other. He, he, he doesn't dwell on it. Uh, but she's very embarrassed and she carries that with her. She talks about how men like to flirt with her. And I could actually see that she's a flirt and she invites that Mary just, she's got a X factor. She just has a way about her that just makes you wanna play. Um, Mary will very openly tell you and me that she hates exercise despite the fact that she has a personal trainer, uh, that she's been using for years and doesn't get any results. But she keeps doing it maybe with a belief that if she didn't have a personal trainer, her weight would be worse, but surely it doesn't get any better. Um, and it's interesting because she really doesn't enjoy it. She likes her trainer, uh, but she doesn't like the experience of going to the gym and doing the weights and doing the aerobics and all that kind of thing. So she's had some medical tests. Her blood sugar insulin is fine. There's no pre-diabetes. There's no diabetes. Her thyroid checks out fine. I believe I mentioned she considers herself a very fast eater. No other major health complaints other than minor, minor, minor constipation and maybe bloating here and there. So Mary is convinced that she's permanently stuck at this weight. And at the same time she says, like, I know deep inside that I ought to be able to lose this weight. So she's convinced I should be able to lose this weight.
And as she's talking to me about this, you can see, I can see how baffled she is. So this is a smart human. This is an intelligent human who is convinced she can lose this weight. Um, she says, you know, I'm seeing you to get a diet, but I don't wanna be on a diet so I don't even know what I'm doing. And she will laugh at herself as she admits her confusion. And I, I just, the more we talk, the more I enjoy her because she has this just wonderful ability to share honestly, and to share her confusion, her frustration. I hate exercise. And at the same time, she just has a way of like poking a little fun at herself. And the situation, which in a strange way lets me know that this is going to be a client who in a lot of ways is gonna be easy to work with just because she brings a good attitude to the table. Okay? And I also don't think I've mentioned, but she has been trying to lose this weight for upwards of 20 years. So this has been a long time. Okay, let's dive in. Let me find out. What does this person eat?
Here's Mary's diet breakfast, another person on Cheerios. Um, clearly a very popular cereal. I ate that when I was a kid. So breakfast, she has cheerios plus fruit, plus milk. Um, for lunch she has some kind of meat sandwich. It could be any kind of meat. Usually it's some kind of cold cuts, you know, and I'm talking about like the Oscar Meyer kind of cold cuts that you get from the supermarket, the Turkey, the ham, the salami to this, whatever it is. And she'll have a very small salad, uh, with a, actually a non-fat salad dressing, uh, for a snack. She has a muffin or fruit. When I question her about that, she only has fruit like once or twice a week. Uh, so it's usually her snack is a muffin in the mid-morning. And it's a pretty big muffin. It is just one of those huge muffins that you get in the supermarket. Uh, for dinner. She has a very traditional dinner, sit down with the husband and her teenage daughter. She cooks it at some kind of meat, some kind of veggie, some kind of starch. Usually it's pasta and some sort of dessert. The only sort of nutrition injunction that she follows somewhere, somehow she heard that six glasses of water per day was the thing you need to do. So she does six glasses of water per day. Uh, she has a glass of wine with dinner. She made sure to tell me you can't take that away. She doesn't do any caffeine. She does very little sugar, uh, other than the dessert she has in the evening. And she says she doesn't have a lot of dessert. It's not a big dessert. And she is very clear to tell me a number of times, I don't overeat. I don't binge. This is one of the reasons, if not the reason why she insists that she should be losing the weight, because how much she weighs versus what she eats doesn't make sense to her brain. She can't figure that out. I should weigh less is pretty much her approach. Um, you know, her breakfast is, is early in the morning. Lunch is a typical lunchtime. She eats it at about one o'clock. Her snack is at four, her dinner is six 30. Um, she gets good sleep at night. She has, you know, the rest of her life is pretty healthy, you know, plus she spends time outdoors because they have some farm animals. Um, you know, she's, she's outside a bunch. Uh, she has to walk, uh, a long distance just to go from our house to where they park the car. So she's, she has a somewhat active lifestyle. Um, so, you know, I'm looking at this diet and I'm thinking, okay, there's some places to work here. But I'm also noticing, and, and I believe her when she says to me, there are clients who I don't believe when they tell me what they're eating, um, there will be clients. This is not one of them who will, when you do a dietary intake, they will tell you what you want to hear more to the point. They will tell you what they think you want to hear. Um, you kind of have to learn to sniff those out a little bit. But this is not one of those people. I'm believing her. I'm trusting her because she's looking at me with this look in her eye when she tells me I don't overeat. I don't know why I can't lose this weight. Okay? So here's what I'm thinking. Here's my strategy.
I'm, I'm, you know, as I'm listening to her life, it doesn't sound like she's got a lot of big stressors and not even a lot of little ones other than the fact that she can't lose weight is a happy person. And I am just, I'm not having any great illuminations or intuitions in the first session, quite honestly. So I'm thinking, okay, let me put for me, for the coach, for the practitioner, I will now put one foot in front of the other. I will now, as a professional, take baby steps. I am going to work in the obvious places to start out. I am going to come into this relaxed, I am going to come into this not trying to fix her or figure anything out. Because you know, on the one hand, I'll be honest with you, in the back of my mind I'm thinking, okay, this person's been trying to lose weight for 20 years. She wants to lose 45 to 50 pounds. She loses it on a medical fast, a fast supervised by a bunch of doctors in a hospital where they're making a bunch of money. Um, medical fasts. I'm gonna tell you, 99 times out of a hundred, everybody's gaining back the weight. Whoopi doo. Um, so okay, no great illuminations, but let me put one foot in front of the other. So she's a very fast eat. So I'm thinking I'm gonna work with slowing down on food with her for the first couple of sessions. That's gonna, that's gonna be the work. I can definitely work with her with food quality. You know, this is a person who is brought up a little bit more traditional standard American fair. Go to the supermarket, eat the half real half fake meats, eat the breakfast cereal. That's basically, you know, sugar and wheat. Um, so yeah, I wanna get on some healthier food. I is there a place to work with macronutrient balance? Yeah, we could have a better macronutrient balance or different macronutrient balance at breakfast. Um, you know, she's getting protein at lunch and dinner, but because she does a non-fat salad dressing at lunch, she really doesn't have a lot of healthy fat in her diet, which is a lot of people who are shopping in a supermarket, not much healthy fat. So I'm thinking, okay, person needs a little bit of healthy fat. I can maybe switch up her breakfast. I can certainly work with her food quality. And as I'm thinking these things, I don't expect these to be the magic bullet to help her lose weight. I just don't though I'm open. I'm certainly open. I'm just, I'm, I'm being cautious in my expectations. So I'm just telling you how I'm thinking. I'm starting in the easiest and most clear place, and sometimes that's all we can do and the best we can do. So I'm very confident in myself working in this realm. What I'm explaining to you is, and there are many clients who I'm just thinking to myself, huh? She, I don't know how I'm gonna get anywhere with this person. Oh, there's little tweaks I'm thinking about, but I just, I don't see the waters of the red sea parting here. I'm, I'm not quite sure of the way through. And what I'm saying to you, my friends, is you're gonna have plenty of clients like that. So what I'm saying to you is I always want you to start with the obvious places.
Sometimes we can't see further than the next step, and that's okay. So I'm encouraging you as a practitioner, again, to be willing to walk into the unknown knowing, okay, here's a next step, here's a next step, here's a next step. Because sometimes that's what the journey is for you and me as practitioners. And that's what the journey is like for our clients. That's what their relationship is. And as much as I'm here to educate my client and to coach them and mentor them, the relationship with my client is also coaching and educating me. So there's a higher wisdom, in my opinion, to the universe that's orchestrating things. And clearly there's a lot of clients I see where I have to have my beginner's cap on. I really need to understand this is a learning experience, and that's okay. I'm trying to tell you that's okay. The best medical doctors that I know, and I know some damn good ones, the best medical doctors that I know are unbelievably courageous when it comes to putting one foot in front of the other. They don't know where things are going, but they have enough tools in their toolkit to know, okay, we're gonna try this and then we're gonna look at this, and then we're gonna test for that. Okay, that didn't work. So now let's go in this direction. Oh, that didn't work. Now let's go in that direction. Oh, this worked, which means we should try this and this, that my friends takes a willingness to be in the unknown. That takes a confidence, that takes a trust, not only in yourself, takes a trust in the nature of the relationship. Trust my friends, that the person that life, the universe, God probability, has sent you to be with you in your office, uh, is the right person for you
and you are the right person for them. And you might just work with them for one session and refer them out to the right person, a better person. Maybe that's the nature of the relationship. So I'm always going to trust that this is a learning opportunity for me. Okay, so first session we focused on slowing down. I talk about macronutrient balance by the second session. Here's what we dive into, um, her new diet.
And by the way, I told her, you know, we're gonna be changing your diet, but we're only gonna be changing it in a way where you and I, both of us have to feel good. Yes, I have to feel good 'cause I'm the guy in charge here. But you have to feel good because you're the person, you know, going home and eating here. So we negotiated. How do we negotiate? I'd take a list, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks of everything she might possibly eat throughout the course of a year for each of those meals. And I'm gonna look at that list and pull out what I want. So remember, she's eating cheerios and milk and maybe some fruit at breakfast. So she likes eggs, she likes yogurt. She likes smoked salmon. She doesn't mind a smoothie. So great. Here's your options at breakfast. I don't care which one you choose, how often you do any of these, but I want you to choose from the following menu. Eggs plus toast, yogurt plus fruit, smoked salmon plus toast, healthy smoothie. Note the toast in there because she, if she's gonna have eggs, she wants toast. If she's gonna have smoked fish, she wants toast. We talked about a healthy smoothie recipe. She has to go to the health food store. She's gotta get some protein powder. I always recommend, I often recommend either a vegan protein powder. They have some sprouted vegan protein powders. For some people I might recommend a whey protein powder. Um, I also asked her to do free range eggs, which she was surprised by. Lady lives on a ranch and has a slight farm lifestyle, but you know, there ain't no chickens there and there's no free range eggs, even though she knows what free range eggs are. Okay, so there's her breakfast options lunch. I asked her to add three tablespoons of olive oil to her salad. And I asked her to focus on real meat or real protein. IE have an actual piece of actual fish, have an actual piece of actual chicken or have eggs. I wanted her to get away from the lunch and meat. I asked her to try free range chicken, which means she has a, like a whole foods, like, I don't know, a little bit less than an hour from where she lives. Um, and she has the time and energy to go there once a week. Um, for snack, we negotiated that. I asked her to do, you know, fruit or nuts or both? She likes nuts. She likes trail mix. She likes fresh fruit. Great. For dinner, once again, I asked her to do a high quality meat, something that's organic or free range. I asked her to do, to shop for organic veggies. I said, rice or pasta's fine. They usually do some kind of ice cream, some kind of cake, some kind of this, some kind of that. I asked her to do organic sorbet. Just, just try that out. And I asked her to do a higher quality wine. So I want you to hear something right now. Um, I'm increasing the quality of her food as I'm recommending these things to her. We've negotiated these. I'm not asking her to eat fish if she doesn't like fish. Do you like fish? Yeah, I just hardly ever cook it. I don't enjoy cooking it that much, but I like it. Would you do it? Would you consider it, you know, putting that on the menu once a week? Yes. Is it okay for you to buy a higher quality wine? Yes, they could afford it. So I'm wanting her to think about quality, because I know in the long run, eating higher quality versions of the foods we're going to eat anyway is gonna be good for her as a human being. It's gonna be good for her health, good for her metabolism, good for the, it's, it's a win for every body and everything. That's the bottom line. And it's hopefully going to educate her more and educate her body more. And with a person who is, um, habituated to shop in a supermarket, I'm gauging how open are you to coming to the, the healthy side, the hippie side? You know that that's how, that's how the industry presents it to us. You, you, you either shop in a supermarket and you are one of the normal people eating all the artificial foods that were shoving in your face, or you're a weird tie dye longhaired with a beard hippie. No, no. Those are not the two alternatives. There's a hundred alternatives in between. You could be a typical person living in middle America and still eat healthy. You don't have to be a hippie for goodness sake. But I'm, I'm just saying that, that there's often with people who shop in a supermarket, there's often a, they've been taught a meme, they've been given a choice that if you don't eat like this, that if you don't eat the typical unreal foods that were hurling at you, then your other opportunity is to be a weirdo. And I'm aware that a lot of people believe that. And I'm trying to head that off at the pass. I'm trying to make sure like, Hey, there's nothing weird about this. This is just eating real. When I say to you, eat, and, and we laughed at this when I told her free range eggs. And she says, oh yeah, a lot of my friends eat eggs from their farm. You know, I'm like, okay. So they're eating real eggs from a real chicken running around a real farm, eating real food. What can go wrong there? You know? Um, I want you to eat real food when you eat meat. I want you to eat meat from a real animal raised on a real farm who's raised you mainly and hopefully sacrificed you. Mainly, I'm, I'm looking to, to move the needle in a healthier direction.
I'm also not looking to convert my client to being a vegetarian if they're a meat eater or to being a mediator, if they're a vegetarian, whatever it is. I'm just looking to see what do I think is best for this person given their complaint. So in this whole conversation, you know, here I am, I'm, I'm, I'm hanging on this diet with you because I'm not just sitting there telling her, okay, uh, for breakfast, I want you to eat eggs and toast, yogurt and fruit, smoke, salmon and toast. Healthy smoothie. Okay, next lunch. No, it's a conversation. I'm inviting her into a healthy lifestyle. I'm letting her know that it's okay. I'm letting her know this is an experiment. I'm letting her know, Hey, if this stuff doesn't work, don't worry. We're gonna go back to the old way. I don't want you eating anything you don't want to eat. You know why? 'cause if you don't want to eat it, you're not gonna eat it.
I want you doing what works for you. At the same time you are paying me to help you lose weight. So I'm going to look for suggestions that help take you where you wanna go. So I'm letting her know I am on your side. I do not want to give any human being any approach that is not doable for them because otherwise they're not going to do it. One of the most difficult issues that professionals face, dieticians, doctors, nutrition professionals, is client or patient compliance. Compliance is this big word. You have to get people to comply. Compliance is really easy in a lot of ways. Don't tell somebody to do something that they ain't gonna do.
A lot of times people will tell, a professional will tell the person, okay, you gotta eat this and not eat that. And the person's going, yeah, yeah, they're shaking their head and meanwhile they're busy thinking, I ain't gonna listen to you. I'm not gonna do that. So you have to really see, is this doable for you, Ms. Klein, can you, can you buy a higher quality wine? Can you buy an organic wine? I want you to get a good quality olive oil. I want you to get an organic olive oil that says cold pressed at, at the health food store that you go shop at. Is that doable for you? Sure. So I'm checking in, do you know where to get free range eggs yet as a farm stand literally that you could walk to? Um, so I'm inviting her into this wonderful experiment as opposed to giving her a diet. I'm making this fun. Okay? So it's a wonderful negotiation. I explained to her in detail my reasoning behind everything. So I make it a fun dialogue for your clients as best you can. Keep the conversation around dietary changes. Make it lighthearted. Don't be heavy. Make it experimental. Make it hopeful. Hey, this is just an experiment. We're gonna do this short term. Let's try this and see what happens. Don't worry, don't worry if this doesn't work. You can always go back to your old way of eating. So what you are doing, my friends, this is called objection handling from the beginning. A person has silent objections to you as the practitioner. There are average common silent objections. What are the objections? You are going to make me eat something I don't want to eat. You are going to want me to eat in a way for the rest of my life that I don't want to do. You are going to give me foods that are tasteless and bland. You are going to make me eat dramatically less food. You are going to make me do exercise that I don't want to do. You are going to make my life more miserable, even though I wanna lose weight to make myself be happier. So that's what every this was going on in everybody's mind. And at the same time, you're gonna want me to eat stuff that is just gonna suck. I'm not gonna like it. Hey, don't worry, this doesn't work for you. We'll go back to the old way of eating. We'll figure something else out. So I always keep it non-judgmental. I never say to my client, you're eating Cheerios. Really? I can't believe that you live on a farm and you don't eat free range eggs. I can't believe it. Now, I might be thinking that in my head, but I have to work on my own judgements and let that go. So what my client is seeing and hearing and feeling from me is, okay, hey, we're gonna just change this.
You know, lots of people can eat cereal at breakfast with their milk and their fruit, and they're fine. And there's nothing wrong. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do, Mrs. K, client, I'm just saying that for you. Here's your complaint. You're coming to see me. You wanna lose weight. I am going to look for all the little doable tweaks with you, Mrs. Client is what I'm saying to her. I'm gonna look for the doable tweaks I can do with you that are gonna move you in the direction of where you wanna go. So for a lot of people, if they're doing a carbohydrate only breakfast, it tends to make them crave carbohydrates throughout the day, which actually is not you from what you've described. And for a lot of people, when you switch them to a more balanced macronutrient profile at breakfast, it can stimulate weight gain, uh, weight loss, IE if you take a person who's been eating a pure carbohydrate breakfast, especially if it's got a bunch of sugar in it, which your Cheerios does, uh, and we have a breakfast that's higher in healthy protein and healthy fat, which is what this new diet I'm giving you has eggs and toast, yogurt and fruit, smoked salmon and toast. A healthy smoothie. That's a nice interesting balance of protein and fat and carbs that might have an effect on your metabolism or it might not. We're gonna see. So my friends, it's your job as the practitioners to help make your client feel that this new diet experiment that you're giving them is a win for them. It has to feel like, this is good for me. This is a win. And you know, if it ends up being a not good thing, my health coach said, don't worry about it. We'll go back to the old way and figure something else out. That's a win. Okay? I also want you to know that you're not here to change what people eat per se. You are not a diet manipulator.
I know you might have that desire, but I'm actually saying to you that desire is for most people, I I know it comes from a good place. The people that I meet who are into nutrition and into health, who wanna change the way the world eats, are all good people. They are coming from a good place. However, they're coming from a limited place because people, you can't just change the way somebody eats
sustainably, especially if they're not eating healthy and they're not eating in a good way. You have to change the way they think. You have to change the way they understand. You have to change the way they see themselves. You have to change how they see food. You have to change how they understand their own body, how they feel into their own body. You have to change their understanding of the nourishment process and of the world. You have to help them have an experience in their own body called, oh, I've just eaten this healthier food and this feels better. Because as soon as somebody gets us something feels better, then you're gonna wanna do it without you having to tell them to do it from that place. Dietary changes actually start to become more of a simple formality.
You can't just tell people what you're eating sucks is not healthy. Eat this food, this food and this food. Here's the list. Goodbye my friends. It doesn't work like that. And people think it does. And we think we're here to save the world by changing the what of what people eat. No, you Have to change their understanding. You have to help change their worldview. You have to slowly sneak them into body wisdom by taking little baby steps to help get them there. You're gonna see how this works with this client. Okay? So session two, Mary's come back and she's intrigued by healthy eating. She, and, and what's particularly intriguing her, I'm gonna tell you I love this. She says, I love this new meat that we're eating. So she loves free range meats. Now it's interesting because at the same time, I think I say this later on, but I wanna say this now, you know, her family just tasted what she was eating. And everybody agreed, Mary, husband, daughter, that this stuff tastes better than the stuff we're eating. So all of a sudden I converted a meat. Now I'm not a big meat eater at all. I eat very, very, very little meat. Um, these are meat eaters, so I'm not gonna take that away from them. But all of a sudden I've invited them into a different understanding and now all of a sudden they're all looking at each other going, this tastes better when something, and and this is not just because it has better artificial flavors and whatever, it's because it tastes, he, it tastes realer. It tastes more natural to the food chain. Because back in our distant past when we were eating animals and hunting and gathering them, we weren't eating cold cuts from the supermarket.
The food, the game, the animal was simpler. By the way, if you're a vegetarian or a vegan and you're listening to this, again, I want you to know that I do my best to be diet agnostic. And you have to translate everything you hear into a way that works for you. But my approach is I wanna invite all humans to the table because all every human is different. And if you wanna convert the world to being a vegetarian, then you have to figure out a way to do that. So you're inviting people into it so they can see the benefit for them. People will not see the moral benefit to them. That's generally not a way to convert someone to a plant-based diet, in my experience. Believe me, I've tried. Um, so she really loved eating more food at breakfast and lunch. 'cause she was, she's eating more fat. So already she's looking at me and she's telling me, I like what you've done for me. I've changed their taste buds when it comes to meat. I've changed her taste buds, I've changed my recommendation. She tries the food, her body wisdom talks to her. So I want you to see what a win that is. She's enjoying eating more food at breakfast and lunch. Really what she's enjoying is, huh, this way of eating works for me. By the way, for lunch, I want her eating six ounces of protein, you know, approximately the size of your extended hand. Um, it's, it's just for her body type, for her size. That's what I guesstimated for her. Um, I want her to feel full and fulfilled. I don't want her to feel hungry at all in this process. And I'm understanding that when you up a person's protein and fat, especially when it's high quality, unless they truly need to gain weight, they're not necessarily gonna gain weight at all. So she's enjoying her new diet. She says she has more energy. Interesting. Why do I think she has more energy? Why? Because she probably has better macronutrient balance at breakfast. And that's making a difference for her. She has more healthy fat in her diet that can make a difference for a majority of human beings. My guess is that she is sub clinically to some degree fat deficient
sub clinically means it's not gonna show up as a big issue for her. But she's fat efficient enough such that when you give her more healthy fat, Hey, I got more energy. Hey, I feel better. Yeah, 'cause she was a, she was, she was a little low. Um, so now I have a client. Now I got a person who trusts me. By the way, slow eating was very difficult for her, which it is for most humans. And whenever I hear that, I got no problem. I'm thinking to myself in the back of my mind, we got plenty of time. Fast eating is a habit. It is a learned habit. It is difficult to change. It just is. Um, also in this session, I said, you know, we're gonna start to consider decreasing the carbohydrates at your dinner, the pasta or the rice by about 10 or 15%. I just want you to eyeball it. I don't want it to be uncomfortable for you. I don't want you to walk away from your dinner going, I didn't have enough pasta. I just want you to see if you could eyeball it down 10 or 15% when you, I want you to hear something when you ask someone to do that, that's totally doable. If I said 55 oh percent, that's gonna be hard for the average person. If I said 75%, that's gonna be hard if I said eliminate carbohydrates from your dinner, because I know that gives me a far better chance of stimulating weight loss. I'm not gonna do that because I am looking at this client and I'm thinking I'm playing a long game. I'm looking at this client understanding that I want to slowly shift her relationship with food and her diet in a sustainable way. Why? Because she's done low carb before on her medical fast that she's done three times, loses 25 pounds, and gains that sucker right back. So when I ask her to cut down her carbohydrates at dinner, I am planting the seed. Hey, poor quality carbohydrates is the kind of thing in the diet that I want you to be moderating because that my friends, it's the poor quality carbohydrates across our diet that is causing the majority of weight gain for human beings from a nutritional standpoint. You're gonna hear a lot of people say that. Um, are there other nutritional factors? You better believe there are. But if you wanna look at the biggest factors, yeah, I'd probably put poor quality carbs like excess, excess, excess excess, excess sugar, excess poor quality wheat products, bread products, cereal products, all that stuff.
So asking her to cut down on that, I'm asking her to tune into her body wisdom. I'm asking her to do something doable for her and to start to keep her eye on that. So I'm asking her to step up in her own kind of self-empowerment around nutrition. I didn't say you gotta weigh it. And I just, I want, I don't want people weighing their food at the end of the day. Never Are there people who are in that place where, okay, that's the strategy for them. Sure. But as a small population, I want people to eat naturally, naturally means you look at the food, you look at your options, and you reach for what works for you, and you stop when your body tells you. That's the sweet spot. Okay? So here we are. And Mary is enjoying our work together. We like each other. I have now told her in session three that I want you to give up your trainer who she likes, likes the trainer, doesn't like the experience I said to her, and we had a good laugh and she's been working with this trainer for years. Like, are you willing to give this up because it's not working for you? And she really wanted to say yes. She admitted that she had a fear that she might gain weight. So we had a conversation about enjoyable movement. I said to her, this is an experiment. What do you love to do? If every way of moving burned the same amount of calories as running on a treadmill or running a marathon, any way of moving, burned a ton of calories, what would you do? What? Like, what do you enjoy? She loves to walk. She loves to swim, but she hasn't really done that because she always feels that swimming is like, doesn't do anything as an exercise. It's just enjoyable. But she loves being in the pool and she loves swimming laps. She loves to walk, she loves to swim. And she ex and and I brought up dance and she was an interesting one because when I brought up dance, she says that she's really been wanting to take a dance class, but she's really embarrassed because of her body. And she doesn't wanna want people to see her moving, but she's attracted to it. But she's embarrassed. But she wants to, but she doesn't want to. I think you know what I'm saying. So we had a really nice conversation around that. And I let her know that we're gonna do an experiment for, for, you know, as long as they're working together. I said, I, I just want you to give up your trainer. You could always pick up your trainer again, that's not a problem. Um, but I want you to focus on walking and swimming and we'll talk about the dance thing more. Um, I asked her to start focusing on the food more and just really letting the food give her pleasure. Uh, and, and, and just, just noticing that I said I I just want you to get more enjoyment outta the eating experience because a lot of eating for you is about, am I eating to lose weight? Is this too much? Is this too little? Like, what would help you enjoy the eating experience more? She mentions that she really likes to eat out with friends. Like she enjoys that. I'm like, great. Pick a good restaurant with high quality food and follow your diet. So have some high quality meat, have some good veggies, you know, have a salad, a dinner, have a glass of wine, have a small, tiny dessert, but really eat slow, relax, just enjoy, just like, enjoy the eating experience because so much of us, when we're trying to lose weight, we're, we're, we're just caught up in food equals weight loss where food equals weight gain. Or my whole relationship with food is about wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's like, no food is also food. It's just eating. And humans have this particular quality about us where food can be very enjoyable and it is enjoyable. And we don't, when we don't let ourselves have that, we can be a little more stressed. And you know what happens, Mary? We've talked about the stress response as it relates to fast eating. We've talked about the relaxation response and how that catalyzes the optimum state of digestion, assimilation, natural appetite regulation, and day in, day out calorie burning capacity. So I've explained these things to her when it comes to fast eating, by the way.
And I told her at this point, I said, listen, I would really love for you to go on a two month no diet, diet. I, I just kind of would like you to think about not losing weight. And that might mean, now this is a person who weighs herself very consistently, usually once a day. I said, it might mean giving up the scale for you. Um, that's up to you. I would prefer you not weigh yourself for a while, but if you really have to, that's okay. Now my friends, I just wanna say to you, there are some people who I insist that they get rid of the scale. And those are the people that I see who are really sucked into it. Like really sucked in this client. Mary, ah, this is not my experience of her. She wasn't sucked into the scale. She didn't really look at the scale every day and go into a self hate in a deep way because she didn't lose or whatever. But I want to give her the choice. And at the same time, I wanna put the idea in her head. This is a person who's a lot of ways she has stepped into her queen in her life. So I want to treat her like a queen. I want to give her the choice around weighing herself on the scale that's for this client. Others, I would feel different.
So I want you to notice something. I'm inventing strategies as I go along. I don't know what's next with this client. I'm really following my intuition, my listening, my knowledge, my experience. And I'm tracking my client. I'm letting the wisdom of the relationship guide me. So I'm looking at my client, I'm listening, what's next? What's next? What's a good next step in this relationship? I really, and I mean this for much of this relationship with this client, which by the way lasted about a year. I don't know where I'm going with her month to month, week to week. It's, it's literally, it's being invented on the spot. You know, sometimes I really know where I'm going with a client and our case story about the person who wants to lose five pounds. I know where I'm going with this client. My assessment based on her past history of weight is, yeah, I bet you could lose some weight. I bet you have weight to lose. So I'm confident that she's just not making up a number. And I'm confident that yeah, there might be some places to work. I'm not a hundred percent sure that her destiny could be any weight loss whatsoever. But if I had to bet, I would think, yeah, I bet this person can lose some weight. And I don't quite know how we're gonna get there, but I'm going to do the next best step and the next best step. So me as a practitioner, I am willing to be in the unknown. And honestly my friends, that, that, that takes a little work. 'cause there's moments where I'm like, geez, I wish I knew where we were going. Gee, I wish I was like on top of this horse and riding it and super confident, but I'm not. And I'm okay with that because this relationship is teaching me. And in a weird way, yes, this relationship is teaching me to be a better practitioner and she's the perfect client because she's so, um, agreeable and she's so much fun to work with that I look forward to seeing her despite the fact that I feel like I'm in the unknown. So I'm just giving you thoughts about my inner world to let you know that I don't sit around thinking I am such a smart expert. I got this in my pocket. Hey, I know exactly what I'm doing. No, I don't know what I'm doing. And that's part of my skillset is to be confident and okay or get to the place of being okay that I don't know what I'm doing. But I do know that wisdom will always come through for me, and I'll always figure out a next step. Okay?
So here's what happens. You know, the next time she comes in, she's learning to be a slow eater. She's enjoying moving, she's enjoying walking. Turns out she takes up swimming. She really, really loves swimming. Um, we talked a lot about swimming, interestingly enough. Um, it gives her a sense of weightlessness. It gives her a sense of grace. Great. I want you to have that experience. My friends notice this. She's in a pool. She's doing laps in a pool now for me, laps in a pool, you couldn't pay me to do that. That, that sounds like punishment for her. Lapse in a pool is meditation. She disappears. She loves it. She gets into a rhythm and she feels weightless.
I want her to have the feeling of being light. I want her to have the feeling of being in a rhythm. I want her to have the feeling of enjoying her body. So that's what's been happening for her. She's really enjoying her body when she's in the water. Now, of course, in the relationship, I am noticing, uh, that my client happens to feel very uncomfortable in general about her body.
She doesn't like it. She doesn't like to look in the mirror. She uses the word clumsy quite a bit. Um, so I'm thinking now's a good time for mirror work. Mirror work is an interesting strategy, my friends. Um, and here's what, let me, let me just tell you what mirror work means to me. What mirror work means to me is that there's a lot of us humans who when we look in the mirror, it's not a fun experience. Or when we look in the mirror, there's judgment. When we look in the mirror, there's negative self-talk. When we look in the mirror, there's places we don't even wanna look at. When we look in the mirror, there's a whole conversation going on that's not very generous towards self. For many people, when they look in the mirror, there is hate, there is venom in their own words, in their own mind, in their own thoughts. Um, I'm not okay with that for a human being. I understand why a human being would do that for sure. But for me, at the end of the day, one of the ways that we agree to be here is that we agree, okay, this is me right now. It may not be what I love. It may not be the best version. It might not be my ideal, my ideal looks and weight and shape and body. But here it is.
You know, if your best friend was saying that same thing to you, if your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your friends, your kids were saying that you, you would run the other way from those people. You wouldn't wanna be around them if they were saying to you what you say to you. So what I'm saying to you, my friends, is that when we can begin to make peace with our physical form,
something deep happens, something healing happens. There is a deeper level. Here's my belief. I have no proof of this, but I am of the very, very deep belief that
the deeper we can relax,
the more we can heal, the deeper we can relax, the more we can heal. So somebody who's suffering from PTSD, because they were in the war and they saw all kinds of horrible violence, they had one of the most intense stressors that a human being can have. They've had the biggest stress. They've seen blood, guts, murder, harm, death, perhaps even to their friends right next to them. That is one of the biggest stressors a human can imagine. PTSD, that stress doesn't heal unless there's an equal and opposite relaxation response. Not so easy. But what I'm saying is you need that kind of relaxation response to unwind that level of deep stress. So there's a certain stressor that is living in the body when I hate my physical form. When you, when your client hates their physical form, there is a certain, there's a certain energy, and I'm going to call it a metabolism because mind impacts metabolism for sure. So we're stepping into unknown turf here.
What I'm suggesting to you is that as a human begins to embrace their physical form more and more without attacking it, without hating on it, there's a magic that happens personally, emotionally, and potentially metabolically. So this is a person who's acknowledged to me. We've, we've talked about it. Um, she said it's that she hates looking at herself in the mirror. Um, by the way, we also, so she started taking a dance class. We had negotiated a dance class. And the biggest issue she had in her dance class was the studio is all mirrors. Every wall is a mirror. She says, there's too many mirrors Everywhere I look, I could see me. She said, I can't look anywhere without seeing myself. That's the worst part of the dance class for her. Um, so I'm enrolling her in mirror work. What mirror work means is I invent that for the client. Mirror work sounds something like this. Okay, miss the client. Here's what I want you to do. Once per day, you pick a time, you know, an ideal might be at night before you go to bed, you're getting ready. What I want you to do is spend some time in the bathroom, in the bedroom, in front of a full length mirror by yourself. And what I want you to do is I want you to look in the mirror. Just look in the mirror. Just look. Notice what comes up for you. What do you say? What do you say to yourself? What happens? I want you to hang in front of the mirror for 10 minutes. If 10 minutes is too much, five minutes, it's five minutes is too much. Two minutes. But I want you to push it a little bit. I want you to push it past the time. I want you to time yourself, see how long you could stay in front of the mirror. And I want you to practice this every day. And what I want you to think of as a goal is to see if, if, if, if you can get more and more comfortable being in front of that mirror, looking at yourself. And I want you to constantly push your edge. So at first, yeah, look in the mirror with your clothes on, then hey, take some clothes off. Then hey, maybe it's just your underwear, then hey, at some point maybe it's just you naked, like the day you were born.
And if it helps, put on some nice music. Put on music that makes you feel good about yourself. 'cause if you have music in the background, it makes you feel good about yourself, then you'll feel gooder about yourself looking in the mirror maybe.
Okay? You wanna turn down the light a little bit lower so you don't have to see every single little detail or wrinkle. Fine. You know, lower the light a little bit. Find a way to get more comfortable. So, you know, some people i'll, our clients, I'll have them do mirror work for months because it's a journey. It's an unfoldment, it's a getting to know you, getting to love you process. Really what The person is doing, they're confronting their hatred for their physical form. I, I, I don't know how else to put this to my friends. We're going into the belly of the beast. We're going into the nightmare here. The biggest fear, who I am and what I look like ain't lovable.
That's what she's living with. That's what a lot of people are living with. Who I look like, who I am, what I look like, what this body looks like ain't lovable. In fact, it sucks. In fact, it's disgusting. In fact, it's horrible. In fact, it's so bad I can't even look at it really Darn. Yeah. A lot of times if there's a nasty car accident on the side of the road, honestly I don't look, it's too much for me.
But you can't look at your own form that life gave you, that God gave you. This is where it is. Is that how you look at your husband, your wife, your kids, your friends, your loved ones? Do you look at them and go, Yuko, you're disgusting If you don't do it with them, what? What right? Do you have to do it with you? And if you do it with them, what right do you have to do it with them? That's not nice. So I'm asking her on one level to step into her queen hood more.
This a practice. So I will adjust the practice based on my client's feedback. So the next session she comes in, how was that for you? How is it? Oh god, I hated it. I couldn't look in the mirror for more than a minute. Great. Okay. Hey, put on some nice music. Hey, lower the lights.
Sure enough, next time. Yeah, I was hanging out in the mirror for five minutes. Okay. Hey, you know, next week try taking off some more clothes, just as comfortable for you. And just look at yourself, watch yourself and maybe the next week, hey, I want you to put on some music you could slowly move to. And I want you to watch yourself moving in front of the mirror and move in a way that you think is interesting or attractive to you. It just might be moving your hands, it just by might be moving your head and neck. I don't care. Whatever feels a little bit nice to you, attractive to you, comfortable for you.
So I'm gonna push a little limit each week. Okay? So some of the results of the mirror work, it was an up and down ride. She gradually became more comfortable, which every client will if they stick with it for a month. She eventually used music and sexy outfits. She really got into it. Interestingly enough, her breakthrough came, I didn't even suggest this to her. Um, her breakthrough came one evening. You know, she's babysitting for her granddaughter, her granddaughter's at the house. And she says to her granddaughter, Hey, we're gonna put on music, we're gonna take off our clothes and we're gonna dance naked in front of the mirror. And you know what happened. The granddaughter who's like, I don't know, five years old, just jumped through the roof. She thought it was the best thing ever. Like this kid was thrilled and enthused and was just like perfect innocent little creature dancing naked in front of a mirror. You know, this is the kind of kid who's probably happy to not have any clothes on, could give a damn what anybody else thinks. And so here she is dancing with her granddaughter in front of the mirror and, and, and the kid's going wild, kid's having a blast. The kid's shrieking. And she says it just brought her back to her own innocence. She couldn't stop talking about this story. My client, uh, just some of the magic of the work that we do together was not my idea, but the fact that my client is working and she's making it a regular practice, life unfolding, delivers insights, wisdom, strategies.
I trust my client's life. And because she's being a good client, she's going along for the ride. This is what came through. This is what happened. And that was a huge, like, like a huge breakthrough for her. Absolutely huge breakthrough for her. I I, to this day, I'll never forget it. Uh, it was such, it was so touching to hear my client share this, to hear a 53-year-old woman talk about a four or 5-year-old girl changing her life. I love it. Um, so I got a client now who is a heck of a lot more confident and enjoying herself.
I could see, just looking at her on Skype. She, she, she carrying herself a little bit different
in the next two sessions. We're continuing mirror work. We're continuing to eat slowly. I'm always getting back to the stress response. We started talking a little bit about the belief that food is the enemy. 'cause she had a little bit of that, but I didn't wanna focus on that at the beginning, honestly. So I'm tweaking. These are little conversations. Um, she brought up the fact we, and this was especially in relationship to her dance class. Um, you know, her dance instructor is a man. There's a number of men in the dance class. She started sharing with me how she really loves attention from men, but she's really afraid of it. But she loves attention from men, but she's afraid of it. Um, she was also realizing more and more, especially in her dance class, how much shame she had about her body and her weight. So she wants attention from men, but she doesn't want them looking at her body. But she does, but she doesn't. And she said to me, you know, it's kind of like sometimes I feel like my weight is like, I'm like, it's a protection.
Now my friends, for some people weight is a protection.
For some people, weight is a biological protection. It's just the, the survival brain putting on extra weight because in some way, shape or form, the survival brain is sensing we're under threat. So it wants to protect us. It's the right move. That protection can be literal physical protection. IEI was harmed physically or sexually in some way when I was young. Therefore I need a bigger body. And that's what the brain does. And weight can also be an emotional, a psychic protection. So, so these are, these are things that she's coming up with on her own. I love it. This is great. So now it's talking points and we're just exploring it. I'm not trying to fix it. I'm not trying to take away the shame she feels about her body and her weight when she's around men. I'm saying to her, yeah, that makes perfect sense. That makes absolute perfect sense. Is there's a part of you that's a 13-year-old girl who wants attention but doesn't but does, but doesn't, but doesn't, but doesn't, it makes perfect sense. It's okay. Continue going to your dance class and see if you can take a deep breath and see if you can take in just a little bit more attention. How's the way to protection for you? Well, it protects me because part of me doesn't wanna be seen and just, but a part of me does and I just have to have to get good with that. Like, great. Okay, so there's nothing to fix here. And we're just in an ongoing interesting conversation.
So I wanna share with you my thoughts. I've now been, so right now I have been working with my client for about four and a half months. So after four and a half months, here's who this client is. She's very inspired about eating healthy and feeling very energized. So she's got a lot more energy and that was never a complaint for her. This per this is a person who has a lot of energy and she has more energy. Mary has moved past some serious edges around her body in her mirror work and her dance class. She is feeling more comfortable. Mary loves not doing exercise with her trainer and she's loving walking. She's also doing biking and biking for her ink, aerobic biking. It's just strolling biking, being on the bike and just biking around and, and looking at the trees and smelling the air. So she's walking, she's biking, she's swimming, doing her dance class. Um, she has now firmly enrolled her husband and her daughter in healthier eating. They are into it, uh, because they're enjoying it. Now, interestingly enough, for some reason in this case study, for whatever reason, I haven't really been talking to you about her actual weight.
By month four and a half, she has had a total of a 20 pound weight loss.
I wanna backtrack with you for a moment. The weight started coming off after week number six.
She did not weigh herself. This was her choice until month number three or so. So remember that was a negotiation. I told her, I prefer you let go of the scale, but that's up to you. I want you to. And I told her why I want you to feel your body. So she'd been feeling her body. So I haven't known how much weight she's lost. I could see she's lost weight, but I haven't known it. And it really hasn't been that big of a topic of conversation other than she'll say, Hey, you know, I know I'm losing weight 'cause I could feel it in my clothes. I'm like, great. I don't make a big deal of it, honestly. Congratulations. You know, that's an interesting one. Um, I'll get to that in a second. Let me just say this, you know, this weight loss occurred while technically speaking, she's eating more food. She's actually eating more total food and she's doing less calorie burning exercise. She were doing calorie burning exercise with her trainer four or five days a week, going to the gym. Now she's light biking, light swimming, light walking and doing a dance class. That's ballroom dance. Ballroom dance. Now, yeah, ballroom dance can be calorie burning, but it's, but it's not like it's a, it's not like a super sweaty class. She did ballroom dancing. Um, she really looked great and she felt great. And she also said to me, I didn't ask her this. She, she, she said to me, you know, I've lost 20, 25 pounds before. This feels different 'cause it is different my friends, because she's doing it in a natural way. She has shifted her diet. She's eating more in accordance with the natural laws of the earth, of the body of the universe. She's starting to love her body more. She's starting to embody more. She's eating higher quality food. We tweaked her macronutrient balance. She's taking in less toxicity from her diet.
And of course she's motivated and inspired to do a lot more with me. So she's had, she has a 20 pound weight loss that is significant and in four and a half months, and it was slow and it was sustainable and she could feel it happening. Um, so when my client reports a weight loss, I go, great, glad to hear it. We're moving in the right direction. I don't shoot off the fireworks. I don't treat it as if that's a bigger win than slowing down with food, because for me it's not a bigger win. I don't treat that as if that's a bigger win than her being in front of the mirror with her granddaughter and having a breakthrough. In fact, I treated that breakthrough with her granddaughter a thousand times better. I I I, I mean I I celebrated that more. I emphasized that more. I was like, yes, I'm so happy for you. So I got more excited with her around the breakthrough with the mirror work with her granddaughter far more than her reporting to me. You know, it's been a 20 pound weight loss since we started working together. Great. I'm, we're moving in the right direction. I am really happy for you. Why do I do that? The reason why I do that is, it's interesting. I noticed even before when I was a young kid, um, I noticed something in my early teens, uh, because I grew up, my mother was in Weight Watchers and all her friends were in Weight Watchers. And every so often somebody in their social circle would have a big weight loss. And when that person had a big weight loss, everybody would go bananas, you look so great, you look so beautiful, you look so wonderful. Oh my God, I just noticed this. And then I was also noticing, because I know all these people, and at some point that person gains the weight back and, and then their persona non grata, they're like, okay, well we gave you a really big celebration when you lost the weight. But now that you gained the weight, whoops, nobody's saying anything. Whoops. She's gaining weight. Whoa, what's happening? Um, we reward pounds lost.
But I don't know that that person lost pounds in a good way. So why would I reward that? I'm not rewarding somebody for losing weight, a bunch of pounds of body fat. I am rewarding you if you've learned how to love yourself more. I am rewarding you if you become a more conscious human being. I am rewarding you if your relationship has gotten better. I am rewarding you if you have an insight that's really helping you. I am rewarding you if you're enjoying moving your body more. I'm rewarding you if you're eating healthier food and it's making a difference for you and you're noticing it and you're now like not wanting to go back to the old ways because your brain and your taste buds are smarter. So I'm rewarding my client for stepping into consciousness. I'm rewarding my client for stepping into her queen hood or her higher princess hood Or king hood or a prince. I'm rewarding my client when they make a shift. That's about them.
When you reward a client simply around weight loss, you're treading in in difficult territory because that's what they think they should be rewarded for. So of course I'm gonna acknowledge it, but I'm only acknowledging that if I know that they lost the weight in, in a way that, that that's honest and good for them and that's sustainable. And that came from a good place. 'cause I meet plenty of people all the time who do nonsense strategies and food restriction, intense calorie restriction, medical, fast intense exercise. I'm not rewarding you for weight loss. I, I, I truly, I'm not, I'm not not rewarding you, I'm just, I'm just noticing and listening and watching.
'cause I don't really know that that was the best move for you. In fact, in my experience, it's not. 'cause I know the weight it's gonna come back on. So why would I reward you for that?
It's not like I'm holding back on somebody. No, I'm gonna be honest with a person. Um, particularly if they're my client or they're my friend or my loved one and they've, that's my opinion. So I'm not the kind of person that if I see a friend that I haven't seen in a while and that person loses a bunch of weight, I'm not gonna go all crazy like, oh wow, you look so great. You look so wonderful. 'cause I don't know, I don't really know if they're a more wonderful person. And if they're weight loss came from a wonderful place, I might slowly inquire. And if I see, oh wow, you, you really shifted your life, your diet, you're living a healthier lifestyle, you're, you're in a better place for yourself, great. Happy to reward you for that. So I hope this, this part of the conversation is making sense to you, my friends, because I'm letting my client know that, hey, if you lose weight doing all this, great, then clearly we're moving in the right direction. You said, Mrs. Client, that this weight loss feels different than previous times because it is. And that's why I'm rewarding you. 'cause you're a different person leading a different lifestyle. You have a different relationship with your body. You are more in your body and you know something. You've done the work good for you, and she's motivated to do more. Okie dokie. So at month number five, like she's, she's looking at me going, what's next? So I gotta look in the mirror and I gotta go, okay, do I have any more tricks up my sleeve?
She, she literally wants the what's next. Now we could continue to do what we're doing and see what happens, which probably would be my preference, but She wants to do something else. So I'm like, okay, if you wanna do something else, let's go on an elimination diet because you know, you're still eating pasta. You still have some bread here and there. I I, I'm, I'm fine with that. And if you wanna do more, more means an experiment. So let's do an experiment. Let's take you off of wheat and dairy for some amount of time for like four weeks. Why? Because some people have a sensitivity or an allergy to wheat and dairy and one of the results of a sensitivity or an allergy to gluten, the protein component in wheat or dairy is potentially weight loss or inability to lose weight or other minor symptoms. This is just an experiment. Let's see. She's on board. She's totally on board. Would I have given her the elimination diet in our first month of work? No, would've been far too much for her. But now she's been eating healthier food. She has switched to a more nutrient dense diet. She's accustomed to dietary changes. So now she's ready. So essentially she did four weeks of fish, veggies, fruits, some whole grains, like mostly whole grain rice and some eggs. That's like a modified elimination diet. So I'm guessing eggs are fine for her. Um, she really wanted me to make it specific so it gives the best possibility of weight loss. So I said, Hey, just let go of the meat. Um, just an experiment. And fish is a little cleaner to burn in your body. It's a little slightly easier for the body to break down and digest. And as long as we're eating good quality fish, then we're in the good zone here. So in that four weeks she loses another six pounds. And at that time she said to me that she feels the best that she could ever remember in her life. One of the things that she was saying to me was that she was extremely clearheaded. So now she has lost a total of 26 pounds. We've been working together for five plus months. And she looks at me and says, I wanna lose 20 more pounds. She is super inspired. Uh ha Okay, my client wants to lose 20 more pounds. So here we go. Here's my thoughts. I'm thinking to myself, I don't know if this person has more weight to lose, literally, I don't know. Now I am the kind of guy that I have learned over the years to look at body notice bodies and read bodies. So I read bodies,
I can read nature, I can read bodies. That's one of my skills. Um, and that's kind of what I want you to be able to do. I want you to be able to read bodies. I want you to be able to look at a body and start to ask yourself the question. This takes time. Does this body really have any weight to lose? I'm kind of looking at her and I'm thinking, we could easily stop here. I don't know that you have another 20 pounds to lose. I really don't. Like, I just don't know. I'm running outta tricks. I'm running outta more stuff to do. So I'm thinking, okay, I'm not gonna put her on more exercise and less food. So what else do I know how to do at this point? We could do some more personal work. And I kind of have an idea based on, you know, what I know about her. I really haven't gone into her past much. We've, we've talked about it. 'cause I've wanted to know about her life and I've wanted to know about her journey. The things I've picked up about her life and her journey is that, um, her first marriage to her was a disaster. It was a failure. And she has a lot of anger at her first husband, like a lot of anger. Um, he didn't treat her very well and at the time she really didn't know how to be with that, what to do with that. Uh, she's got some anger at her kids, um, in terms of how they treat her, how they show up. Um, not their teenage daughter living with her, her other kids who are, you know, living outside the house and they have their own lives. Uh, she's got some anger at her mom and great. Okay, so let's, let's, let's lighten up. When I hear, when I think to myself working on my personal journey, going back in time and looking at, okay, if, if I'm carrying anger towards my first partner, if I'm carrying anger towards my kids, if I'm carrying anger towards my parents, I know as a human being, the more I'm able to process that anger, metabolize it and let it go. The lighter I feel the better I feel. This my friends is the MINDBODY connection. If you wanna be lighter, physically start to feel lighter, what else can a human do to lighten up? So this is one of the places, one of the places I go at some point with certain clients. How can I help them lighten up with this client? This is the next logical place to go. 'cause I got nowhere else to go, but I know I could be in conversations about lightning up and looking in anger. So we did a bunch of journaling work, letter writing, write a letter to your ex-husband. He's not around anymore. Uh, what would you say to him? Everything that you would say, write a letter to your mother. Write a letter to the kids. You're not gonna send the letter, but you're gonna tell them everything that you wanna say.
I also want you to write a list of all your disappointments in life. Why? Because our disappointments, when we're carrying around in the, in our luggage, they can be A little bit heavy. She decides that she wants to stay on the elimination diet.
I'm like, okay, if it's working for you, stay on it. I got no problem with that. I just didn't want to make that decision or tell her to do that because, you know, the elimination diet I see as a temporary strategy for most people. Um, so after a number of weeks, eight weeks working on this, she loses four more pounds. Yeah, okay. So we're now up to what, you know, uh, 30 pounds or so. Um, I'm really feeling at this point, here's, here's my gut intuition. I'm really feeling the work is done in terms of weight loss. This lady looks great. She looks great, she looks great. Um, she still wants to lose 15 to 20 more pounds. She's very determined. Um, and we, we went back and forth on this because now I've been working with this client for, you know, what, seven months. And we've got a great rapport. We're like friends. I talked to her straight up. I'm like, listen, I think the work is done. I would much prefer you stop here. And she says, Hey, you know, I originally started this saying I wanna lose 45, 50 pounds. You know, I've got 15 more to go. Like, come on, come on. Everything's been working. So she's really determined. And I said to her, I, my best suggestion is to just keep doing what you're doing and see what your body does. But she wants to do something.
So with this client, because we have an exploratory relationship and we have been successful, the relationship has worked. I say to her, uh, okay, you know what, what? And her daughter, as it turns out, her oldest daughter just went on a fast and lost lots of weight. But it wasn't a medical fast, it was a juice fast. And the daughter is beside herself with, with with glee because she lost a bunch of pounds. I forget what it was. 20, 25 pounds. The girl looks great and juice fast, juice fast, juice fast. Not a medical fast, it's a juice fast. So I discouraged her as best I could. I really did. I said, I don't think we should do this. She insists, will I help her do this fast? I said, uh, you find out what your daughter did because you're so inspired about that. Show me, give it to me on paper. Let me see, we'll see if we could tweak it or modify it for you. So I agreed to this despite, honestly, it's a part of me that didn't wanna do it. It's a part of me that just just didn't feel right about it. But I did. So after three weeks on a juice fast, Mary loses almost 20 pounds. Susan is about eight pounds, loses eight pounds. She is high and ecstatic, literally, or on the phone. And the woman can't contain herself. And in the back of my mind, I am unbelievably concerned because the fast is over now. And I told her, listen, straight up, there's a darn good chance that this weight has come back. Remember, you've gone on a medical fast three times. I know it's not a juice fast that you went on. And I know juice fasting at this point was like becoming a big thing. I'm just telling her might come back on. So turns out over the next six weeks, she gains about 15 pounds back. So it was a net loss of a few pounds on the juice fast. And that was a lot of processing. That was a lot of talk. 'cause she was very disappointed. Um, and it was good. I said to her, you know, I, I'm telling you, this was my feeling because you got high when you lost this weight. And that was a temporary high. And I know how good it feels, but it's literally like a drug. So she has lost approximately 31, 32 pounds in 11 months of work together. I said, listen, look in the mirror and go, congratulations. This is your new body. And she got it. She owned it. She understood, honestly, when she lost that 20 pounds on the juice fast, she didn't look right to me. So it was just something that didn't look right. Um, and here she was, she's got her new body. And that was, you know, our last two sessions together was just really completing that, celebrating that bottom, bottom line was we finished the work and I have a very happy and satisfied client. So mission, accomplish success. Now in that success, were there drawbacks? Were there times of unsuccess? Sure, there was a time of challenge, particularly towards the end when she goes on the fast, when she loses all that weight and when she gains most of it back. So that was, you know, to her mind an unsuccess. And I did my best with her to learn from that experience. Like, we have to learn from this. I was listening to your body, I don't think you were, is what I had told her. I said, and it is my job to listen to your body. You've been paying me to listen to your body. And quite frankly, you gotta admit I've done a good job listening to your body because here we are. And I've not just been listening to your body, I've been listening to you and listening to your life. And that's how we've gotten this far. And you understandably got excited and you understandably wanting to keep moving. And now hopefully you've learned something about, okay, here's my body now settle in and own it and be in this body for the rest of your life.
So some closing thoughts about this client. Mary taught me to truly trust my instincts like never before. When I look back on that journey, I'm really happy with myself. I'm proud of myself. I was so hesitant about that juice fast. And I had felt that that 30 pound place was the place to stop. And it was, it truly was. Um, and she had to go through that experience. I had to go through that experience with her so we could see, and sometimes that's what the journey is. So in hindsight, she needed to go through that to see where her body truly wanted to live. So when I look back on this client, we covered a lot of turf. We covered diet, we covered movement, we covered inner work, we covered body image, mirror work. We talked a lot about her family. We looked at our past. We focused on slow eating, we focused on pleasure, we focused on the feminine for her, really allowing herself to be in her body in a sweet way and to let that little teenager in her be shy, let it come out. Um, to me, Mary succeeded in actual and sustainable weight loss because she was a willing human, a willing client. She was just willing to explore, to experiment, to see results, to not see results and to keep on exploring. Um, I I couldn't ask for anything more from a client, quite honestly. And this was a woman who was a queen to begin with. Did she have more work to do as a queen? Sure, we always have work to do wherever we are in our journey. And she embraced it and we both learned. Did she end up losing the 45 to 50, 55 pounds, whatever that she wanted to lose? No, but this is a success story. She got where she truly needed to go. Um, and again, mission accomplished. Like I said, I love a good story and I hope that story was helpful for you, my friends. Um, this is the end of weight loss case studies part five. And I actually believe we got another case study coming up. So you might wanna go to weight loss case study part six. Don't say what it, don't do what it says on the slide. There's a part six after this. My friends, I really appreciate you being on this journey with me. I hope this was helpful to you. And I'm gonna see you on the other side.

PART 6

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Greetings. Once again, friends, Mark David here, founder of the institute. Here we are in part six of six for weight loss case studies, weight loss stories. And I think I got another good story for you coming up. And before I jump into that story, let me give you a reminder. And this story will really help us ground ourselves in this reminder. Whenever you're gonna work with a weight loss client, any client for that matter, but especially, especially weight loss, I always want you to think in the back of your mind about where would be the easiest place or places to start working first with your client. Another way of saying that is we don't usually jump in right away into deep work, into intense personal dynamics, into all kinds of excavating and archeology about their personal life and their deepest fears and any of that. We're always starting with the domains, the strategies that are easy to do and have the potential to yield maybe if possible, a more immediate result on some level. And when I say immediate result, that doesn't mean a result around weight loss. That means a result around overeating, emotional eating, a result around a person having better digestion, having more energy, feeling better in some way, shape or form, noticing something different that feels like a win or a success.
Okay, this is important. Don't forget this. This is gonna help you build trust with your client. It's gonna help you build some momentum, you as a practitioner, and it sets the stage for the work to gradually go deeper if need be. Sometimes you don't need to go deeper with a client. So we're always looking for the easiest places to start. The most doable places to start that may yield an immediate result. And if it doesn't yield an immediate result, such is life and immediate means in a week or two. So what can this mean in general, when I'm talking about easiest places to start to begin the work with a weight loss client, probably number one on the list is eating slow. And you know, by slow we mean aware, present, pleasured, relaxed, and literally slower. So you're gonna be asking your client, are you a fast eater, a monitor eater, a slow eater? If they say they're a fast eater or they're pretty fast or extremely fast, then that is oftentimes a great place to begin the work. Uh, for some people macronutrient balance and playing a little bit with macronutrient balance after the first session might help. If you notice that all their meals are pure carbohydrates, if you notice that they're overeating and binge eating a lot, uh, and if they're eating a lot of carbs, they might have low energy, they might have fatigue, and chances are they're overeating and you give them a breakfast and or a lunch that has more protein and fat in it, they can immediately see that they're not overeating as much. IE they're satiated, their natural appetite regulation is coming back because they're getting the macronutrients that they were missing. That person might have more energy, they might have a better mood. Um, another one is not skipping meals. So notice if your weight loss client is skipping meals, they're trying to not eat a lunch or not eat breakfast, or they're trying to hold off on eating much food until they hit two o'clock. If your client is doing that, chances are they have other symptoms. Chances are, whether they know it or not, they're low energy, they're brain foggy and they don't feel so well and their mood is off, even though everything is probably stabilized for them and they think they're normal because for them, food is the enemy. So skipping meals means somehow this is gonna help me lose weight, even though it doesn't. And they're coming to see you to lose weight. So all of a sudden, if you take a client who's been eating a tiny breakfast and a non-existent lunch and they're a weight loss client and you're gonna take notice if they have any other symptoms, putting them on a breakfast and a lunch with a little bit of macronutrient balance in there can make a huge difference within a week or two, actually can make a huge difference within several days. So closely related to that is eating rhythm. So that's another way of saying eating rhythm, quite frankly. Um, because a lot of clients, therefore if they're skipping meals earlier in the day, they're eating their probably the bulk of their calories later in the evening, they might be having a late evening meal and they might be noticing that they're overeating, especially in the evening time. So if you start to change their eating style, put'em on a breakfast, put 'em on a lunch. If they're eating dinner at nine or 10 o'clock, maybe you might be able to get them to eat an earlier dinner if that's an easy shift for them. And that can make a big difference. So obviously closely related to the first one I mentioned, eating slow is really relaxed. Eating and paying attention to our meals ought to be a function of eating slow. So how could they create a more relaxed environment around their meals? Um, if they're eating breakfast in a rush, if they're eating their lunch while sitting at work, working on the computer, on the phone
and they're not paying attention to their meals, then I want you to see if you can get them. Here's an easy fix. You can ask them to take more time for their lunch meal and to not work for 20 minutes or 30 minutes like you negotiate with them. Okay? I just want you to eat a more relaxed lunch where you just spend some time, pay attention to your lunch, enjoy it. Maybe is there a place you could eat your lunch that's not at your desk, that's not at your office? Or is there a way to shut off your computer, put some headphones on, put on some music? Because when they do that, their appetite regulation will start to move towards its more natural place. They'll notice that they won't overeat so much. So these are some of the easiest ways with a client that are doable. Now granted, eating slow is hard to do, but if you give that as a first assignment and tell your client you do the best you can, even if between the first session and the next session you see them, whether that's a week or two weeks, even if they were able to successfully eat slow for one day or two days or three days or a handful of meals, there's a good chance they're gonna notice a difference. And you're gonna ask them to see what you notice in these strategies or this strategy that I'm giving you. Okay, so we're on the same page here. You always, always, always try to find a good starting place. After the first session. You do not overload your client with a hundred things to do after the first session. You'll wanna start slow and easy and have a success if possible. You don't inundate them with major dietary changes, major lifestyle changes, major exercise changes, all kinds of nutrition things to do all kinds of pills and supplements to take No, no, no, no, no. You're dealing with a person who chances are, has been trying to lose weight for a long time. They have been unhappy with their body for a long time. They've been trying this strategy and that strategy for a long time. So time is on your side. Yes, you want to establish a connection with them. You wanna do your best to establish, Hey, I'm your guy. I know what I'm doing and you're gonna be my client. Especially if you want them to be your client. So let's dive into a story. Let's talk about Paula. When I saw Paula, she was 34 years old graduate student in business. So she was going to school part-time for her master's in business. Um, She has previously worked in banking and she's now working full-time with an investment company. Her husband is also working in the financial world. They are an extremely hardworking couple. They see each other at night and they both bring home work and they work on the weekends and they kind of work together at home. They're very busy people. Um, Paul and her husband are planning on having a family in a few years, and they're extremely, um, thoughtful and diligent in their approach to life and relationship and family. They want to have x amount of money saved up. She wants to finish school, they want to be at a certain place in their career. They just kind of wanna time things right. And it all sounds, sounds on point to me. Uh, I, I'm listening to Paula, she's a bit intense. You know, she's a bit intense. She's kind of reserved. She's, she's feels a little uptight. If, if I may, I'm very intellectual. Um, and a curious person, Paul is seen me 'cause she wants to lose 30 pounds. She has gradually gained this 30 pounds over the last seven years. She's five foot eight and she weighs 166 pounds. She feels extremely uncomfortable in her body and she's embarrassed about her weight gain. Um, she also mentioned to me that career-wise, she wants to lose weight because she's convinced that looks and weight will hold you back in the workplace if looks and wait are not in the right place. So this is very personal to her and it's very career for her. You know, it's funny 'cause there's been studies that show, um, that people who look a certain way and weigh a certain amount have better fortune in the workplace in terms of advancements, perks, et cetera. Um, is that true? That's what a lot of studies say. I've looked at them and regardless she has this perception, she has this belief. So it's important to her. Paula exercises four days a week, um, and she exercises hard. She's sick of dieting and feels lost about what to do next. She considers herself a very fast eater. Any other health complaints, Ms. Client? Any, just anything I should know about? It doesn't matter if it's unrelated to weight and weight loss. I, I just wanna know what else is going on in your body. Um, she has heartburn every day. She has ongoing digestive distress, meaning heartburn, gastroesophageal reflux. And you know, occasionally she'll feel bloated or she just doesn't feel good after eating a meal. She does deal with constipation. She has skin rashes, uh, not on her face but on her arms and legs. Um, occasionally she'll get some acne on her face. Uh, she has postnasal drip and she gets, um, a few times a week she'll have a sinus headache. Oh, I'm taking note of this. So she's got a lot of secondary complaints. Interesting. I actually like a client like that because I'm already thinking, Hmm, I like this. I can help you.
Let me give you some more information about Paula. I want you to note again that Paula is a fast eater in my mind. She's just a very typical kinda type a personality. She is driven, she is fast. She presents as kind of a tough cookie. Uh, she's presents as a go-getter. She's got a lot on her plate and she handles a lot on her plate in terms of school, in terms of work, in terms of study, in terms of taking work home on the weekend. She is very linear. She's very logical. She, she just strikes me as that type, um, Paula Overeats in the evening hours and says she can't stop and makes this. And she said it makes no sense. So to her mind, the overeating in the evening hours makes no sense. When I asked her more about that, she says, I've already eaten a lot of food.
So she doesn't understand why she can't stop. She has tried a lot of different diets. She's been doing more cardio at the gym and says nothing works. I'm noticing, you know, Paul is being honest with me and I also notice that she is extremely uncomfortable being so honest with me. Um, so I'm sitting there kind of admiring that because I know this is really hard for her. She's not saying that, but I can see it. Um, so I'm silently, you know, appreciating her and at some point I let her know, you know, I really appreciate you being so honest with me because this is not always easy. I'm also noticing very clearly as we're talking, Paula has made reference a number of times. Uh, you know, she doesn't want to be on any weird diets. Um, I don't want to, you know, I don't wanna do anything that's gonna make me a health fanatic. Uh, I don't want you to, I don't wanna be eating a bunch of health foods. And every time she says health food or health fanatic, it sounds like evil person, mean human. Uh, she definitely doesn't like quote unquote health fanatics or health food. Um, she also mentioned to me that her doctor, uh, really wants her to lose weight. And as she was sharing with me, you know, her doctor's recommendations, it was very clear to me that her doctor scared her into losing weight for health reasons. So I know she wants to lose weight for reasons of she wants to look better for sure, but she's also got a big fear in her around her health. Um, I'm also noticing that the more we talk and the more we're in conversation in our first session, the more I could see her embarrassment around her weight. It's, it's like the, the persona, the mass, the curtain is coming down, the more we're talking. And when she first walked in to see me, um, you know, she had her act together. And the more we're talking, the more I could see just the fear and the embarrassment and the guilt on her face. So I'm, I'm just, I'm just noticing that, um, is that a bad thing? No, it's actually a good thing. It means she's revealing herself and opening up whether she knows that or not. And it's also something I'm taking note of because I am aware that, you know, Paula is kind of a logical type a personality type and we're in some very uncomfortable territory for her. So I wanna do my best to make it easy for her. So I keep affirming, I really appreciate you being honest with me. I really appreciate you letting me in on what's going on because in order for me to help you, we gotta be really specific. You know, it's no different than your work in your field. You know, in order for you to understand the world of finance and understand a business, you have to know a lot of details. You have to ask a lot of questions. I'm the same way. I gotta know a lot of details. I gotta ask a lot of questions. Okay? So I wanna share some more thoughts that are going on in my head as I am talking to Paula and just sort of collating things. Okay? So when I hear post-nasal drip, I always think food allergies and usually it's dairy and or gluten. So I'm just giving you a, a probability hit. Somebody says to you, I have postnasal drip and if I was a betting man and I had to bet all my money, I would bet that that postnasal drip is all about food allergies, usually dairy and or wheat. When I hear sinus headaches, I usually think of the same.
I also think of it could be mold in the home or the office. It might be air quality, it might be a lot of stress, eh, but usually food allergies or mold in home or office, that's a better bet. When I hear sinus headache, when I hear constipation, I wonder about essential fatty acid amount in the diet. I wonder about fiber and I wonder about the health of her gut in general. Gut microbiome, those are the things that go on in the back of my mind around constipation. Constipation can also happen around stress. It can also happen with post-Traumatic stress. A one-time stressful event can literally be the triggering event for someone to have long-term constipation. There are a hundred other reasons why one could have constipation. I am giving you some of the most common ones here. You always go with the probability hit first. Um, a woman can have women with constipation can have pelvic floor issues. Um, but I'm not gonna go there first. That's way more complex. That's way less common than essential fatty acid deficiency, fiber deficiency or gut bite microbiome health. When I hear skin rashes, my friend, that's the probability hit is skin rashes are related to food allergies and or antibiotic use, which is connected. Both of those are connected to gut issues. Again, are you starting to see the pattern here? So these are all probabilities. If you tell me you're suffering from skin rashes for an adult, chances are it's food allergies, chances are it could be antibiotic use. Both of those are connected to gut issues.
When I hear heartburn, 99% of the time I'm going out on a limb here. Okay? 98% of the time it's in some way connected to diet and stress and or fast eating. When we get into our conversations around digestion, you'll hear me talk more about the foods in the diet that can cor cause heart that can contribute to heartburn. But somebody says heartburn, I'm thinking, huh? There's some typical foods that would participate in that. Alcohol, caffeine, uh, spicy foods, sometimes foods that we're allergic to. Stress is a huge factor. Fast eating is a huge factor. In fact, those are the two biggest factors. Stress and fast eating the drug industry let us know that we would stop buying their drugs. Okay? So everything I just mentioned to you, I'm not gonna focus on any of these at first. Why? Because if I started doing that, my sense is I'm gonna overwhelm my client. I already know I'm gonna go slow with this client or I'm gonna be very cautious with her. Why? Because as much as she's a type A personality, and as much as she presents as a nuts and bolts person, she has a lot of judgment around health, food and health fanatics. And I know she has a lot of shame and I just, just from experience, I wanna have a win with her before I change her diet too much is kind of what I'm thinking in the back of my mind. So, but I don't wanna really determine anything until I find out about what my client is eating. So here's Paula's diet,
and by the way, again, and we're gonna learn about a dietary intake, um, very soon after this conversation. What I wanna say about Paula's diet or any dietary intake is I'm always doing it with the person. 'cause I watch their reactions. I see everything that they say. Okay, Paula, when's the first time you eat breakfast? Okay, great. What time? 7:00 AM She has a large coffee and a large croissant. Now she said coffee and croissant, by the way. I said, how, what size coffee? Oh, it's a large one because somebody says coffee. What does that mean? Um, so it's a large coffee. So it's technically a big mug that's technically two cups. It's, it's actually over two cups. And I think croissant, like you got a little croissant, you gotta have a big croissant. It's a big croissant. Okay, it's good to ask these questions. And it's funny because when I asked her that I could see the guilt on her face. Um, so I'm just taking note of that. I'm just noticing that she has a lot of guilt around what she's eating already. I'm just talking about coffee and croissant and she's feeling guilty. Just noticing. When's the next time you eat? Around 9:30 AM Okay, what do you have? She says, um, I have a breakfast egg sandwich. They order that into work and she has a small coffee. It's coffee in the office. Great. What's the next time you eat lunch? What time? 1:00 PM What do you got? Um, somebody will bring in a pizza into the office or she'll have some kind of large meat sandwich with her pizza or her meat sandwich. She'll have a bag of potato chips. She'll have a diet coke. Great. When's the next time you eat? She has a snack at 6:00 PM She's ravenous. Great. What do you want? She has a diet coke. She has a bagel or a donut or whatever's in the office.
When I ask whatever's in the office, she got all confused, like, what does that mean? Um, there's always all kind of stuff in the office. And she was, well, there could be cookies, there could be cake, there could be snack food, junk food bagel. She didn't use the term junk food. Um, but it's just a long list of things and it's something different for her every day. And watching her confusion about whatever's, when I asked her, well, what specifically, what do you mean when you say whatever's in the office? Um, she already told me she's ravenous at that time. So I'm thinking, wow, between one and six. She's really holding off on food. Uh, and she's not even aware what she's eating on some level at 6:00 PM Great. What time is dinner? Dinner is 9:00 PM She's eating out four days a week. Um, and it's always work related. She's going out with people at work, clients, clients from work. Uh, it's either Italian food or a steakhouse. So it's some kind of Italian meal. It's some kind of steak meal. She has a glass of wine. She'll usually have like ice cream, some kind of ice cream as a dessert. That's four times a week. If she's going home and eating in, she'll make some pasta with some tomato sauce, glass of wine. Same ice cream. That's three days a week. Okay, I have a good idea what my client eats and wow, do I see some room here? I want you to notice right off the bat that her largest meal is at dinner and it's at 9:00 PM That's pretty late. Um, so that is not conducive to weight loss.
I'm noticing her 6:00 PM snack is caffeine and carbs. I'm noticing her breakfast is caffeine and carbs. I'm noticing the food quality that she follows. I'm noticing that she has four hits of caffeine a day, her breakfast, her snack, her lunch, and her diet coke at 6:00 PM I'm just noticing that.
Okay, let me tell you some more thoughts that are going through my mind. After I hear about her diet, I'm thinking to myself, thinking to myself for as smart as she is, I was surprised about her diet. She's just a very educated person who just seems to be on about her life. I also noticed that when I was asking her questions about her diet, I could see her feeling a little guilty about telling me about her food intake and her choices. I told you she was feeling guilty when I asked her to describe the amount of coffee and croissant in the morning. But I noticed, I was just noticing she didn't feel good about sharing about her diet with me. Um, you know, I had made the state and I picked up on this and I told her while I was asking her questions, listen, you know, whatever you eat is fine with me. I've been around the corner many, many times. I've seen people eating all different kinds of things. Don't worry. I'm not the food police. I'm not judging you. Even though not part of me was a little bit judging her, I have to admit, because I I honestly expected more from her just 'cause she was so smart. Um, she also made a comment at some point, you know, she said her weakness shows up around food
and she inferred that everything else in her life, you know, is in her control, but she's weak. The only part of her life where she feels weak is around food. So I'm, when I hear that, I'm guessing she does know better about food, but you know, she's attached to the way she eats. This is probably how she's been eating for a long time. It works for her. It's part of her life. It's part of her culture. She enjoys it. It's, we get attached to the way we eat. It's perfectly human. I got no problem with that.
She said a few things that definitely let me know that she would, was nervous about what I would tell her to do as we were doing the dietary intake. You know, she had said to me, oh, hope you're not gonna take away this or hope you're not gonna take away that. But the way she said it was, she was nervous. Um, I'm really beginning to see that her life's focus is really working career like this is it for her. It feels like working career even comes before her relationship. It feels like that's probably safe for the husband. Um, even though they have a strong relationship, the, the, the relationship in a weird way, I i it, it, it's, I was guessing centers around work. Um, she also, I noticed strongly follows the eating culture in her workplace. Because when I was harping on, you know, when she said about her evening snack at the office, whatever's in the office, she mentioned to me, oh, everyone at work eats like me. So they're all kind of ordering in food at lunch. They're ordering in their sandwich, they're ordering in their pizza. They, you know, she orders in in the morning, they order in breakfast and bagel. So she always does her egg sandwich in her small coffee. But the workplace has a culture around eating, which many workplaces do. Some workplaces, you do whatever the heck you wanna do and who cares. But there's a lot of workplaces where you eat the way you all eat. It's just, it, it forms. It happens. You come into that or people create it together, whatever creates it. Um, when I asked her about her husband and his relationship with her weight, with his weight, she says her, she says her husband is 20 pounds overweight, but he's not really that concerned. And she said that he's fine with her weight. I just like to collect that information because our significant other often plays a role, certainly in our life and oftentimes in our eating and in our relationship with food. Okay, next with this client. So if I'm asking the four questions, what's stressing her? Well, you know, work stresses her a little bit. Uh, I didn't put this in here. She's also going to school at night. She's a little stressed about school. She's definitely wanting to climb the corporate ladder. She does wanna make more money. They do wanna save. They do want to be able to buy a house. They do want to have a certain amount of money saved up for when they start to have a family. So it's really the work thing, the money thing, the job thing. And when I asked about her parents, she did mention that her parents are high achievers. Um, and she did mention that, you know, they have high expectations of her. Like they raise their children to be high achievers. So when she was mentioning that, it felt to me as that was a stressor for her. Just her body language and her facial expression. Like she really wants to live up to her parents' expectations. And right now, she's not where she wants to be. The woman is 34. She's advancing in the corporate world. She's, she's on a career track. She wants to get where she wants to go, and she's not there yet. What's her biggest stress? Uh, she didn't say this, but I I'm clear that it's at this point in her life, it's not being successful. Whatever successful means to her, she has in her mind a place where she's gonna hit the target of success. So to me, that's her, that's her biggest fear. Like, she's not gonna be able to climb the out ladder, not gonna get where they want to go. They have plans. What's most important in her life, to me it's also around making money and climbing the ladder. Yes, they want to have a family, but, but right now it's, it's her lay, her and her husband laying the foundation for their financial life. And their work life for them is in a way making family important because that's step one. Um, where is life calling her? Okay, this is the goodies from me, my friend, because I'm, I'm sitting here looking at this woman and I'm asking this powerful question of the universe on behalf of my client. Where is life calling this woman who's sitting in front of me? And I, it's, it's clear to me life is calling her to get in her body. More life is calling her to get into her feminine in a whole new way and a different way. Life is calling her a little bit to get outta judgment. She just seems to have a certain amount of judgment about the world. Um, she's very clear that this is how you do things. You have a career, you make money, then you start a family, then you do this, then you do that. She's, she's, it doesn't feel like her way. It feels like her way is the way. So to me, life is calling her to just be more open, open up her horizons.
So I wanna say that again. Where's life calling her? I'm looking at this person. I'm, I'm just trying to look at her as if she's my, my offspring. And when I'm raising a child, I'm kind of thinking, okay, what's next? Get in your body. Get outta judgment. Open up your horizon horizons. Drop into your feminine in a new way. I, I, a lot of times I'm sitting here talking to her and I feel like I'm talking to a work machine. I'm talking to an achievement machine. Um, I'm looking for her. I'm looking for her feminine. I'm looking for her emotional self. I'm looking for her heart. I'm looking for her soul. I'm looking for her softness. I'm looking for the part of her that nourishes herself. I'm looking for the part of her that smiles lady, doesn't smile much. Life is serious for this girl. So these are the things that's going on in my mind. Now, am I right about where life is calling her? I don't know, but I believe I am because this is my job. It's my job to ask these questions. It's my job to listen and it's my job to act upon that and do the best that I can. So I am her coach. I'm her counselor. I'm her practitioner. I'm her advocate. So I'm here to work on her behalf. I am here to help her in her largest goal. I know she wants to lose weight.
I know she wants to lose 30 pounds.
I can't help her lose weight. I can't help her lose 30 pounds just by manipulating a bunch of pounds of body fat on her by manipulating her diet and her exercise. That's not gonna happen. So I have to really look at the big picture of this person's life, which is why we ask the fourth question, where is life calling my client?
And let's face it. Can any of these harm her opening up her horizons? No, getting into her body that's not gonna harm her. Getting outta judgment, that's not gonna harm anyone dropping into her feminine in a new way. Quite honestly, I don't think that's gonna harm her at all, especially if it's dropping into her feminine in a way that works for her. Okay, so I'm knowing. So here's my thought process at this point. I'm knowing that diet wise, we have plenty of places to work. So that's a slam dunk. That's easy for me. Not necessarily easy for her. I am assessing at the beginning in my head that dietary changes are not gonna be easy for her, given that I know she's afraid. When she said to me, I hope you don't take away this, I don't want you to take away that, her kind of judgments about health, food and health fanatics. So I know that that's not gonna be easy place to work for her, but it's a place where I know I can make a difference. Now, it would be easy to assume that a practitioner could help her lose weight simply by rearranging her food choices. And if she went to a typical practitioner, a very typical, typically trained dietician, um, and I'm not insulting dieticians by the way, because if you're typically trained and you haven't gone beyond your training, you're gonna look at your client as just food intake and, and, and caloric output. Um, so sure, I want to change her diet, absolutely. But humans are far more interesting and far more complex. And it's not that easy. And I wanna be successful because I'm, I'm that kind of guy. I want my work with my client to be successful. And I know that I have to drop into the human realm because humans have an interesting, complex, beautiful, and challenging relationship with food and body, many of us. So I'm aware, I'm thinking this woman needs to be inspired to make changes. I'm aware, I'm really thinking this is a person who's disconnected from her body. I'm just watching how she carries herself, watching how she sits. Um, I feel like she's, she's just out of her body in a lot of ways. I'm feeling like she has tunnel vision about her life and in my estimation, she's disconnected from a part of her, her feminine that's screaming for attention. So these are the places where I want to help her. These are the domains that I'm thinking will truly make a difference when it comes to sustainable and natural weight. And the only way I'm gonna know that that's true is to proceed with the work as best I can and trust my instincts. And if I'm wrong, what's the worst case scenario? She gets so upset and she, I don't know, pulls out a machine gun and kills me. Like, like that's the worst case scenario. And I've never heard that happening with any health coach, any dietician, any nutrition practitioner that their weight loss client was so upset that, you know, they got killed. So worst case scenario, the work doesn't work. Best case scenario, you get some success. Again, I wanna say to you, most practitioners are gonna focus simply on better nutrition.
She's already told me she has judgments about better nutrition. She's already told me in her little ways that this is her diet and she really doesn't, kind of doesn't wanna have to change it. She's not interested really in better nutrition. Now I wanna inspire her in that direction. So again, I wanna say notice how she is already resistant to that kind of change. She's afraid of whatever that means for her. At the same time, she's living in a sense of shame about her body. So yes, yes, yes, of course I know this client needs better nutrition, but she needs way more than that to transform herself at this stage of the game.
Okay, so here were some of the takeaways I offered Paula in our first session.
So I already had my conversation. I'm asking her about her, her life, her diet. Here's the last 15, 20 minutes, we're wrapping up. I'm assessing her. I'm letting her know I can really help you. I'm convinced that I can help take you where you want to go.
Notice how I say that. I never say I'm convinced that I can help you lose weight. There's a lot of clients, quite frankly, I'm convinced I can help them lose weight. I will never make that promise to someone because I know that life is smarter than me and bigger than me. And I don't, I never, I I'm just, I don't wanna make a promise around weight. I really don't. Um, because there are so many false promises out there and I wanna disappoint someone and I wanna be good with my client. I wanna be good with the universe. I wanna be able to sleep at night. I am confident that I can help you get where you want to go, which is true for me because where she wants to go is to be happier. She wants to be the real her. She wants to step into her greatness, her power, her potential. I can definitely help a human being do that. Lose weight. Let's see, weight loss or sustainable natural weight will be in the best case scenario. It is a byproduct of us doing who we are in a good way. Okay? So here's what I said to her. So I'm, I really think I can help you get where you want to go. But here's the thing, Paula, um, you're gonna need to follow my advice if we're gonna work together. So I decide I'm gonna be very directive with her. Why? Because she's a very logical, linear person. She's working in the business world, she's working in the finance and banking world. She's very methodical. So I wanna match her. She's not a huggy, just, just, just I kind of person. She's not like a t***y bear girl, you know, let's be all nice and fluffy. This is not her. So I said to her, I think I can help you, but I'm gonna really need you to follow my advice. And I just want you to know I'm never gonna ask you to do something that you truly can't do. So I want you to know that, um, I also said, you know, you have some other symptoms going on. I know you're coming to see me for weight loss, but you mentioned some things going on with your health, around your sinus headaches, around your postnasal drip, around your heartburn. Um, I might be able to help you with that as a, as a side benefit of working with your weight. So I'm confident that I have a lot of places to work with you. Here's what I wanna say. You know, it's taken a little while for this weight to come on. This is gonna take a while for things to unwind themselves. So I'm guesstimating, I'm guesstimating for you that this is gonna be four to six months worth of work where I can help you move in the direction that you wanna move. Um, so I'm just trying to lay that out there for you so you have a sense of how long I think it's gonna take. If it takes less than that, hallelujah. Uh, do I think it's gonna take much more than that for you? I don't think so. And I kept reiterating, I'm really gonna need you to work with me in my strategy, but I wanna let you know I am never gonna ask you to do something that you can't do. So notice that little bit of a paradox. I'm saying to her, if we're gonna work together, you have to follow my advice.
So I'm clear and I'm being confident and I'm letting her know I drive the show. 'cause a part of her wants that. But a part of her is scared crazy and she won't say this, but I'm picking up on it scared crazy that I'm gonna ask her to do something that she doesn't wanna do. So I'm saying to her, and don't worry, I'm not gonna ask you to do anything that you can't do. And I use the term negotiation. I said, you know, we might need to negotiate and that's fine, but I have a very unique way of negotiating. I only negotiate for an outcome where both people feel like they've won. So I'm never gonna ask you to do something where you don't feel somewhat like a winner.
And then I said to her, you know, here's how things are gonna unfold. I just wanna give you an idea. Um, some of the places we're gonna work, you and I are gonna work on stress physiology. I said stress physiology. You're, I gonna work on stress physiology because you might be facing a little bit of what I might call non caloric weight gain. You are a hardworking person. I really admire what you're doing. I really admire, you know, when you told me about your plans around work and around career and how you and your husband are focused and you're not gonna have a family for two years when everything is in order. I, I really respect that kind of thinking. And I'm also listening to your life and I'm noticing the stress that you have in your life. And, and it's understandable. Stress. You know, humans have stress, we all got stress. You might have a little extra. And oftentimes what happens is when we are in stress chemistry a little bit too much, a little bit too much, here's what happens. And then I give her all the scientific mind cookies when you and I are in stress chemistry and you know the conversation around that. And I want you to be able to drop into that conversation. So I str so I explain stress chemistry to her and I let her know that you potentially are creating increased cortisol Inc. Increased insulin, which can signal the body to store weight, store fat, not build muscle, which is the opposite of what you wanna do. And that's all from us just carrying around extra stress. So we're gonna lean into a few places, see where we can work with that, believe it or not. Yeah, we're gonna have to make some dietary tweaks. And I said it just like that, almost like a throwaway line. Yeah, we're gonna have to make some dietary tweaks and we might look at some things in your inner or personal world because our inner and personal world is oftentimes where we're generating stress. So we might do some stress management there. By the way, I don't like the term stress management. I never use the term stress management, but with her, I use the term stress management. 'cause people in the corporate universe, they understand that term and that's acceptable to them. Um, I reiterated to her again that I really feel I can help you get where you want to go. And I'm good at what I do. I'm establishing my credentials with her in that way. I'm just showing her my confidence. And I said, if this sounds good to you, everything I've just laid out to you, we're gonna work approximately four to six months. I'm leading the charge here. We're gonna work on stress physiology, we're gonna work on some dietary tweaks. We might need to do some inner kind of personal stuff. And from there we're gonna watch things unfold. So if that's good for you, if you're on board, then you gimme a yes or a no. And, and that's what's happening. And she looked at me and said, yes, I'm ready to move forward. And I go, great. So now I have a client at least for the next session. 'cause I need her, I need her to say yes. I need every client to say yes if they're gonna wanna work with me. It's either yes or no. There ain't no maybe after the first session. Um, yeah, someone could always change their mind after the first session, but I want a yes or a no. Okay, great. So here's your first homework assignment. Here's the first change we're gonna do. Remember when I asked you if you were a fast eater moderator, slow eater, you said you were pretty fast eater. Okay, here's what I wanna do. Between now and the next time we meet, I want you to see if you can begin, begin to become a slow eater. Now I'm gonna tell you right away, for some people this is really hard because fast eating is simply a learned habit.
Now you're probably thinking to yourself, why does this guy want me to become a slow eater? When I say slow eater, what I really mean is relaxed eater, aware eater, present eater, and an eater who is in the physiologic relaxation response, also called parasympathetic nervous system dominance. Notice my friends how I'm giving her scientific mind cookies and I'm talking to her left brain. And when I'm talking to her left brain, when you are talking to someone's left brain, you've got them, you have their attention. So remember I said that stress chemistry, stress physiology is the opposite state under which you wanna be eating your meals and burning your calories. Well it just so happens that it, that the relaxation response, parasympathetic nervous system dominance is the optimum state of digestion, assimilation, calorie burning capacity and appetite regulation. The act of eating fast is considered by the human brain as a stressor. Every human brain considers eating fast a stressor. Every human brain considers somebody dumping a bucket of ice cold water on their head. A stressor. That's a stressor. You go into a stress response. Every human brain considers putting your hand in a fire, a stressor. It's not good for you. So the brain lets you know. So what happens is when you eat fast, you're deregulating your appetite. You are putting your body in a stress response makes it more difficult to digest. So I'm explaining to her why I want her to do the thing that I want her to do, explaining to the science. So with that, Paula, I want you to see if you could take a little more time for your meals. 'cause quite frankly, the more time we have and the more we enjoy the meal and the more you try to relax with food, maybe take a couple of deep breaths. The more you put your body into the physiologic relaxation response. By the way, when I say breathing, like that's not a woowoo thing 'cause she's so afraid of woo woo. So I said that's not a woowoo thing. I said to her, every brain state, every emotional state, particularly stress and relaxation have a corresponding brainwave pattern and breathing pattern. The breathing pattern of stress is shallow arrhythmic and infrequent. The breathing pattern of the relaxation response, IE parasympathetic nervous system dominance. That breathing pattern is regular, it's rhythmic and it's deeper. So it just so happens from a scientific perspective, when you are in a stressed state, sympathetic nervous system dominance and you adopt the breathing pattern of the relaxation response, you actually fool your central nervous system. It thinks it's relaxed and it sends signals into your gut, into your digestive system and says, Hey, she's relaxed. Which then creates your optimum state of digestion, assimilation, calorie burning and natural appetite regulation. By the way, as I'm telling her this, I have a client, she's mine, she's listening to me. I am convincing her because this is simple science. That's actually true. This is simple science that actually works. And I'm using as many big words as possible. I'm using as much scientific mind cookies as possible because this person needs it. And if she needs it and she's my client, it is my job to give it to her. It is my responsibility to communicate to my client in a way that it lands for them.
I might have another client who they just need a tiny scientific mind cookie. They don't, they don't, they don't want you to confuse them with too much information. Fine, I won't do it then. Okay? So that's gonna be your sole focus until one week, until the next time we meet. Your sole focus is to begin to create parasympathetic nervous and dominance. I kept on saying that term and then I would say, which is the physiologic relaxation response.
Her mind can hear that better than you need to slow down and relax with food baby. You know, that's what I really wanna say to her. But I'm saying it to her in a way that she could hear it. And in my assessment, this is the easiest place to begin the work with her that could potentially yield a quick result. So if you would've told me at the end of that first session, mark, we're putting all your money on the line, every last penny that you have, you need to do something with her that's gonna make her feel good about this relationship. You need to give her some kind of assignment that is going to give her some kind of experience where she's gonna go, yes, I like this. This is what I would do.
Okay, what happens?
Let me say this first. Here's my deeper thought process. My deeper thought process is Paula really needs to get out of her head about food and weight and diet. She's living in her head. She needs to get more in her body. She needs to get present with food and her senses. That's the feminine by the way. And and that's just not for females. That's the feminine in us. The feminine in males and females. The feminine is about senses. So I'm talking about the archetypal feminine, I'm talking about yin, I am talking about that kind of right brain polarity.
So getting into her feminine, me getting into my feminine, I'm calling that being in senses, being in pleasure, being in taste, being present. Oh, I'm eating this feels good. Wow. How does this feel in my body? Oh, I feel warm or over, I got energy. I'm present here. So that's what I'm thinking. She needs to get in her feminine. And in this case, that means she needs to get in her body, get present with food, get into her senses. And yes, I need to focus on the science of all this because she's so cerebral. So I need to convince her scientific, prove it to me brain. She's a prove it to me kind of person. So I'm hitting her hard with prove it to me. She's gonna go home. She's gonna leave that session without a shadow of a doubt that I've proven things to her, at least with my words. And as practitioners, I am suggesting to you it's best to do this in a confident but matter of fact way. So I'm very confident when I'm talking to her, but I'm matter of fact at the same time. Matter of fact means I'm not trying to convince you of anything. It's kind of like me saying, you know something, it's light outside. I'm not trying to prove to you it's light outside. I'm confident it's light outside. 'cause I'm looking out the window and it's light outside. So I'm confident, but I'm matter of fact about it. That's how I want you to be with your clients. Fake it till you make it. It's fine to act. You are putting on a persona, you're putting on an archetype. I am asking you to come from your confident practitioner persona here.
Again, I don't wanna work on dietary changes. First thing with her, because she was a little, she was a little judgy. She was scared. On the flip side of judgment oftentimes is fear. Um, and truth be told, this was very unexpected for her. She had no idea I'd be talking about this kind of thing, slowing down. And if I would've just told her slow down without giving her all the scientific mind cookies, she would never, ever, ever do it. So what I'm explaining to you, my friends, is how to capture the imagination of your client. You're not manipulating them. You are speaking to them in a way that they can hear. You're talking to their left brain, you're talking to their scientific, prove it to me mind. Which is important. It's an important part of us. At the same time, I'm dancing around her fear and not stepping on it. 'cause I know she's a little sensitive cookie when it comes to her diet. She didn't say that, but I've picked that up and I've given her an unexpected homework assignment. So because she's not expecting this and it's kind of doable, like, come on, whatcha gonna argue with me? No, I'm not going to eat slow. I'm not going to put myself in the ideal state of digestion, assimilation, calorie burning and appetite regulation. You can't say no to what I just explained to you. You, you'd be silly. Now you can come back to me a week later and tell me, that was hard. That's fine, I can understand that. But her mind now knows she can't say no to this.
So I've gone in a direction that my client didn't expect at all. And I'm thinking to myself once again, this has the best chance of giving us a win. Okay, session number two. Here she comes. How you doing Miss Paula? Good to see you. Uh, glad you're here. Talk to me. I gave you some interesting, I gave an interesting homework assignment. You know, the last time I saw you a week ago. Just, just gimme the download. What's been happening this last week? How are you? How's life? How's your body? Like, what's happening? Here's what she shared with me. Her heartburn, gastroesophageal reflux was dramatically diminished. Like gimme a sense. Like a hundred percent, 90%, 10%. She says no, about 50%. Wow. Congratulations. What else? She's also sharing with me that she was less hungry. She said, you know, I still ate a lot, even though it was a little less.
She also said to me, she noticed how full she felt for the first time. So notice it was an interesting statement. She said, I, I still ate a lot even though it was a little less. So she's letting me know that she's judging herself for how much she eats, but she's noticing that she ate less. Um, she was oddly surprised that she was getting better so fast. This heartburn thing was, was really, she was really surprised and really happy. Um, so what do I do? I got a big smile on my face. I acknowledged, you know something, we are on the right track. You know, I know you didn't come to see me for heartburn, but what I'm gonna tell you is that when we, when a good practitioner, somebody that knows what they're doing, IE me, I didn't say the IE me part, but when you're working with a good practitioner who knows what they're doing, you know, when it comes to weight loss, it, it takes the body time to do a shape shift. You just can't snap your fingers and you know, bye-bye. 30 pounds in a day or two or 10. But what happens is, other things, other symptoms often clear up in the body as you are going on the right track. So the fact that your heartburn is 50% better, you know what that says to me? It says, damn, we're on the right track. The fact that you noticed you were less hungry means, damn, we're on the right track. Now you know why this happened, don't you? I just gave you one assignment. I gave you the assignment to move towards parasympathetic nervous system dominance. So you just proved Paula, you proved in your life the simple science that I had explained to you. Remember I said that in a physiologic stress response, we are in some degree of digestive shutdown in a full blown physiologic stress response. When that lion is chasing you and you got two to four minutes to live, you either gotta escape or you gotta defeat the lion. Your digestive system is totally shut down in a full blown stress response and a partial stress response such as what most humans are in, you know, in a challenging job or a challenging situation, you're gonna be in partial digestive shutdown. Heartburn is simply another way of saying partial digestive shutdown. So because you started changing your physiologic state, you gave your brain the signal, I'm safe. I'm not being chased by a lion. Therefore, it's cool to drop into my digestion and put energy into digestion because I don't have to put energy into fighting off a lion. So your digestion came back online. By the way, that means that your calorie burning metabolism will also begin to come back online. So not only am I affirming her success, I'm reminding her again, I'm giving her the science again. I am hammering her left brain and she's loving it. I'm explaining to her why she's successful.
How cool is that Somebody can come in and say, I was successful. Not only am I acknowledging her success, I'm acknowledging exactly why she was successful, the science of why she was successful. And I'm saying, you know, I am very happy for you. Like I'm glad that you took this. And you know, she did tell me that eating slow was not easy for her. And there were days that she didn't do it and meals that she didn't do it. And I said, great. You know, honestly, you've had a nice shift in less than a week. You see the power of this work. Um, you see the power of this approach and this is just gonna get better and better. This was just a week of you beginning to change this. The more you practice slow eating, the easier it's gonna be. The more natural it's gonna be, the more instinctive it's gonna be. At some point you won't even think about it. And the stronger will be your digestion, your assimilation, your natural appetite regulation and your calorie burning capacity. So my friends, I've got a client, I've got client buy-in, and now as far as I'm concerned, I can do anything I want with this woman. She trusts me more. Not anything I want, but she's trusting me more. Can you see how important that is? I am trying my best to explain to you not only how to work with the actual challenge that the client is facing, but how to work with the relationship between you and the client. So that relationship works. It's gotta obviously work for the client. It has to work for you.
I want this relationship, my friends, to work for you. I want it to work for you as much as I want it to work for the client. Both are equal to me. You and your client are both important to me. Equal importance. This relationship has to work for you. Here's how you make it work. Everything I've just explained to you is how you make it work. You do your best to have a success. Now are you gonna have a success after every first session? No, but I shoot for that. I try for that. I have that in my sights because I know how good that is and I know that that sets the stage. So that's what I'm aiming for. And now all of a sudden this woman wants to hear what I have to say next. What a good thing. Okay, so after we have our conversation and we do some talking, here's the homework I gave her towards the end of the session. Paula, I want you to continue slow eating right now. I'm gonna consider like if you are in college, you're a smart freshman, when it comes to slow eating, I want you to start to be an a, a more of a sophomore. Like, like get your skill there even more, even better. Don't hit yourself over the head. It's not gonna be perfect, but I want you to get a little better at that. So more consistent over more meals. Because really, again, just to remind you, you are changing your physiology in the meal in the moment. Um, you know something Paula, I think this is a good time as well to begin to make some dietary tweaks. So I wanna start with your breakfast and maybe your snacks. So I just wanna see if we can make a change at your breakfast. Now, my friend, just let me say, remember her breakfast is at 7:00 AM say large coffee. I eat two cups of coffee and a large croissant. So Paula, here's what I wanna do. I wanna get more of a macronutrient balance at your breakfast. So right now, from a macronutrient standpoint, and by the way, Paula, and here's the scientific mind cookies, my friends, you're gonna explain what you mean in simple science. By the way, Paula, just excuse me if you know this, but just lemme explain to you what I mean and what the nutrition world means by macronutrient. Balance. Macronutrients are the big nutrients. So when you eat food, your food is composed of macro nutrition and micro nutrition. So the macronutrients, the biggest parts of your food are protein, fat, carbohydrate, and then technically fiber and water. But for our purposes, I'm gonna be focused on protein, fat and carbohydrate. Micronutrition, yeah, your food has vitamins and minerals, but in tiny amounts, in amounts of milligrams are the vitamins and minerals. But in the amounts of grams, like a thousand times more are your protein, fat, and carbohydrate. Right now you are doing a pure carbohydrate breakfast. So a croissant is essentially pure carbohydrate. Now I'm gonna tell you Paula, I got no problem with anyone having coffee and a croissant at breakfast. However, if you come to me and you tell me, Hey Mark, I got a problem here. I got a challenge. I wanna lose some weight and I haven't been able to lose weight and I charge and I've tried this, that, and the other thing. I'll say, okay, then I'm gonna look for where I can tweak things and I'm gonna look for where I can tweak your diet to get you where you want to go. So what happens is, for a lot of people, Paula, if they start out with a carbohydrate breakfast, there's been a lot of research that shows that when you have a carbohydrate breakfast, you have a better chance of craving carbohydrates throughout the day. It will deregulate your appetite. There's also something that happens when you have more protein and fat first thing in the morning. It gives you a slower blood sugar rises, it modulates insulin, um, in a much better way. And that can ultimately lead to your best calorie burning metabolism. So I just wanna know it, it's forgetting what foods are healthy and what foods are not healthy. I just wanna write down a list right now of all the things that in the course of a year you might eat at breakfast, forgetting what's healthy, what isn't like, what do you like to eat at breakfast? So we take a list and the main thing I'm getting from her that I can include at breakfast, 'cause she's all about the carbs and the bagels and the muffins and the toast and the toast and jam. She, she really loves eggs. Okay, great, Paula. So what I would like you to do, I notice you have an egg sandwich at nine 30 as a snack. Have an egg sandwich first thing in the morning or make your breakfast at home. You can make an egg omelet. You can have eggs plus toast. And that's what I want you to do. I don't care how many eggs you have as as many as fulfills you. And I want 'em to be like a, like a real egg. I want you to have the, the egg yolks. And she started asking me questions about the eggs. 'cause she's concerned that eggs raise her cholesterol. Uh, I'm sorry, eggs don't raise her cholesterol, by the way. Let's just let, let's just say that. Um, no research on that. Quite the opposite. Um, so I'm letting her know that's old story. No research on that. Quite the opposite. You don't have to worry about that of all the things in your life, that's the last thing you should be concerned about. Um, so she has agreed that she can do an omelet or an egg sandwich first thing in the morning. Then I said to her, I also want you to notice, 'cause usually your nine 30 snack is pretty consistently an egg sandwich if you're hungry at 9:30 AM Oh, she did mention that she likes yogurt. So I asked her to buy an organic full fat yogurt. Why organic? Um, well here's the thing. I started talking about hormones in dairy, hormones in the cows. A typical, um, inorganic produced yogurt is going to come from the milk from a cow that's been fed hormones, artificial hormones that make the cow milk faster and grow faster. I said, when you, those hormones do not degrade when it gets into the food. So those hormones will pass through the food chain, the hormone that's gonna fatten you up, fatten up the cow. So many meat products and many dairy products. And the industry doesn't want you to notice, know this. They have hormone residues. So I want you to kind of remove those because tiny amount of hormones will have a powerful effect on the human body. Every supermarket, every deli has an organic yogurt. And I want you to make sure it's full fat. Why? Because I'm looking at your diet and you're a little bit likely deficient in essential fatty acids. I don't say fat. You are likely deficient in essential fatty acids. In other words, fat mrs client is essential for life. That's why we call it essential fatty acids. If we're low in fat, believe it or not, one of the side effects of being two of the side effects of being low in fat that you should be concerned about is a, a deregulated appetite. IE overeating and binge eating. 'cause the body's screaming for fat, but it doesn't know how to say I need more fat. It just says I need more food. So a deficiency in fat will deregulate your appetite. And believe it or not, it can also lead to weight loss resistance because the brain thinks the body's on a desert island and there's a lack of nutrition. So the body is gonna hold on to nutrition, it's gonna hold on to its fat stores longer whenever it senses most kinds of nutritional deficiencies.
So I'm using scientific mind cookies to get her to eat an organic full fat yogurt.
'cause I wanna vary up her diet a little bit. So I said to her, notice if you're hungry at 9:30 AM which she always is, but I'm thinking in the back of my mind, she might not be because normally she's having a pure carb and caffeine breakfast, which is like rocket fuel and you will be predictably hungry soon after that. Um, so if you're hungry at 9:30 AM no worries. Have, have an organic full frat yogurt. Have some fruit with that if you want. Or if you wanna have another egg sandwich, fine, go for it. So she's a little surprised that I'm saying that because so far I'm technically asking her to eat more food. I'm asking her to eat more food. And her mind egg sandwich first thing in the morning is more calories than a large croissant. Is it actually, you know, something I don't even know. And quite honestly, I don't care because it doesn't matter because her having a couple of eggs in the morning with some toast will be better long term for her calorie burning metabolism and her appetite regulation. Then a simple carbohydrate or a semi complex carbohydrate. IEA large croissant. So I'm asking her to track if you're hungry. I'm asking her to notice her hunger. I just want you to notice that I asked her to notice that IE I'm saying, Hey, I want you to notice your body. Hey, I want you to notice how the food you eat in the morning impacts how you feel two and a half hours later. That's called body wisdom. That's called getting into your body. Remember I told you when I asked the universe, where's life calling my client life is calling her to embody more. This is a way to embody, listen to your freaking body. Here's me suggesting a simple way to listen to your body. Eat something different in the morning. Notice how you feel two and a half hours later for her. That's a big thing, believe it or not.
Okay, couple of weeks later. So I want a few weeks between our sessions. Paula liked her new breakfast after the first week. It took a little while for her to get used to it, but she got used to it. She did not need more eggs in the mid-morning. She wasn't wanting them or craving them, but she loved having the yogurt and the fruit. So now she's got eggs in the morning with toast or an egg sandwich and she's got yogurt and fruit in the mid-morning and she's loving it. How you feeling Paul? Like, like what did you notice? She says she felt clearer in the morning and less moody. Now, by the way, she never told me she was moody in the morning. Why? Because she's probably moody every morning. I'm moody in the morning. Um, doesn't think to say that because it is normal. But all of a sudden a dietary change shifted her mood, which is very common. Diet affects mood, food affects mood. It's okay, it just, that happens. So she felt clear in the morning, less moody. She also said she noticed she's less hungry at lunch. Isn't that interesting? Why? Because she's sustaining herself with food more throughout the morning. And this is a person who needs technically a couple of breakfast. She has her first breakfast at 7:00 AM and her second breakfast at 9:30 AM That's her body. Does everybody eat like that? No. I eat like that. I have a couple of breakfast. Um, some people don't eat any breakfast and they wait till lunch and they're fine. I don't care. I only care if you have a problem. If you have a complaint, then I'm going to change that. So I'm noticing this is how this person eats. I don't need her to eat three meals a day. I don't need her to eat eight. I don't need her to eat in any particular way other than the way that works for her. I hope you're clear about that. So yes, there are averages on average, the average person, I wanna get them on three meals a day, average person. But you know, that's 80% of people. There's 10% on either side of the bell curve that are outliers. They might need more meals, they might need less meals. Some people change throughout the course of the year or their life doesn't matter. I don't care. It, it, it's, it's, there's no hard and fast rules here. There's only what works. So she's now noticing I'm less hungry at lunch. This is why, because she's sustaining herself. She used the term, you know, so, so how does this feel for you? She said, I feel better. What does better mean for you? She and she reiterated the same things. I'm less hungry at lunch. I feel less moody. I just feel better. Um,
I also said to her, I said, so how is it for you buying an organic yogurt? Like you don't buy organic food? So I started poking fun at her. Um, and I forget her words, but she somehow said something about, you know, you know, maybe, maybe she's not so, you know, judging about people who are health fanatics, you know, or maybe people who are health fanatics might know something. She said something like that about people who are health fanatics. So she was throwing us health fanatics a bone saying, Hey, maybe you guys aren't so bad. After all. That was the first time I think she smiled. Uh, 'cause I was poking at her like, Hey, how is it buying an organic yogurt and joining us hippies? Um, so I was making fun of her and she left and she made fun back. Um, that was actually a breakthrough moment for us. 'cause it was the first time I felt like she actually liked me. Uh, and it was the first time we actually had a bit of a good laugh together. So that was fun and that was interesting. And you know, as I'm thinking about it now, I'm realizing that was actually probably a breakthrough for her because there are humans who have some pretty serious judgment about, I'm putting this in quotes. Eating healthy, eating healthy for them means being a weirdo that is a bad mean. That has been promoted by industry and been promoted by media. They're not stupid. They give you two choices. You either eat like a typical American buy food from the supermarket, all the foods that we advertise at you on TV or you're weirdo hippies. So we get the binary choice and meanwhile there's all kind of choices in between. You can just eat what you eat, what you eat. You're not a hippie. If you buy something organic, it's okay. Catch up with the times. And the times are slowly changing in that direction because industry is realizing, wow, we can make a lot of money selling quote unquote healthy things. So they're trying to make healthy cool in certain domains,
but in other domains they still need to keep people hooked on the junk. Anyway, that's just me getting a little bit angry at the food industry. But let's keep moving here. So I gave her some more dietary tweaks because I just gave her dietary tweak and the dietary tweak worked for her. So I'm gonna give her now the next level of dietary tweak that I think is doable for her. Okay, Ms. Paula, I wanna, I wanna get some more, I wanna make some more changes here to help you get where you want to go. Um, I would love for you to do this. I'd love for you to let go of diet Coke. Lemme tell you why I want you to let go of Diet Coke and you can feel free to go home and Google this and play around. But it just so happens that Diet Coke, what you're getting from there is an artificial sweetener. It just so happens that there is not a single shred of research after 60 years of artificial sweeteners on the market. There's not a single shred of research that shows that artificial sweeteners help human beings permanently and sustainably lose weight. That is a travesty. Worse, there's all this research coming out that shows that it might cause one to gain weight or be weight loss resistant because an artificial sweetener fools your taste, but it fools your brain into thinking that you're actually eating sugar, which will give you an insulin rise. And when you have an insulin rise artificially, that can most likely signal the body to store weight and store fat and not build muscle. You know, caffeine is slightly thermogenic, but if you use something like green tea, um, green tea is all the rage right now. It's very thermogenic. Thermogenic means it has the ability to actually stimulate a little bit of calorie burning in your body without having a negative side effect, which is true about green tea. Um, it's mild, it's a mild thermogenic effect. So I explained that to her. She's on board with that and I asked her to make this change. I said, do me a favor, i I for dinner. Do you have any control over the where of where you eat? And she said, yes. I said, so listen, when you're taking out clients, uh, or when you're going out with your team, I want you to really shoot for a good quality restaurant. And I don't have to tell you what good quality means. You know the difference between a good steakhouse and a McDonald's? You know the difference between a good restaurant and a better restaurant. Um, you know, I've noticed you either do Italian or seafood. You like Japanese. Yes. Go to a good Japanese restaurant, go to a good seafood restaurant, go to a higher quality steakhouse. I just want you to start to up the quality of your food. You go to a better steakhouse, they're gonna give you a free reign steak. I promise you it's gonna taste better. And I promise you, ultimately it's gonna be better for your health long term because it doesn't have some of
the hormones and the poor quality pesticides that are coming in from the animal feed. So you're gonna be detoxifying your body a bit. I just wanna get you focused on higher quality food. And she was surprised at that recommendation. I asked her to continue to eat slow and to keep that up. Um, and um, also, I also asked her to really talk more with her husband about what you're doing and what direction you're moving in with your diet. Share about him more what you're up to. Because she hadn't been talking about it with him much. I, I just wanted her to enroll him in her journey.
Okay? Two weeks later, session number four, she just told me she's eating less at night. Her heartburn is almost gone. Like what percentage? It's 90% gone. When do you notice it comes? Uh, she's actually noticed that it comes when she's stressed out or she eats too fast. I am so happy for her, not just because her heartburn is gone, which I'm happy for her, but she notices she only gets it now when she's stressed, which will cause heartburn or she eats too fast, which will cause heartburn. Perfect. You're now in your body. You're now getting body feedback. You're now smarter. You're embodying, you're in your feminine more. She says to me, her postnasal drip is noticeably improving. What percent, ah, she really can't say, but it's improved. Uh, she's really feeling good about our work together. And she admitted that she was skeptical at first. And in this session she was really feeling good about her work because all of a sudden she had a seven pound weight loss. So it was in this last two weeks that seven pounds dropped off. And in that time her husband kind of perked up and he got inspired about his health because she happened to be sharing about that. And coincidentally, that's the week when weight loss finally came. She didn't lose weight until now. And you know something, honestly, my friends, I could care less that she hadn't lost weight yet. Because I know that when my client starts doing things that are correct for them and right for them, and living in accordance with natural law, living in accordance with the body, eating a healthier diet, if she truly has weight to lose, the weight will come off. Most likely when she is starting to make the course corrections that count. I have to trust in life. I have to trust in the wisdom of the body. And apparently she has weight to lose. And apparently here it goes, seven pound weight loss. So now I have even more of a client. So she's on board now, so she, she is seeing that we are getting somewhere and now we are off to the races. I love this. I'm very happy. I'm happy quite honestly. Yeah, I'm happy. Yeah. Yes, I'm happy that she lost the seven pounds because what I'm doing is working for her. The relationship is working for her. So yeah, that makes me feel good. So at the end of the session, I give her another tweak and she's happy to listen because guess what, when you listen to me, things have been going good. That's really, that's really how it works here. So I asked her to change her snacks at work. I asked her to bring in her own snack. I also asked if you're willing, see if you can enroll some of the people at work to like, let's have other snacks at work. Get, get a high quality yogurt in it. Work to have a fri at work. Have some fresh fruit there. Put some, put some hummus and some veggies in the fridge. Um, she'll eat a hard boiled egg. Bring in a hard boiled egg. I found out she likes jerky, like, you know, gets, get a high quality jerky. There's all kinds of good jerkies you could buy. Um, and either bring them in yourself or see if you can start to include them in the culture at work so you can feel good. I also asked her to change her lunch.
Okay? I asked her to change her lunch. Normally her lunch is pizza or a large meat sandwich with the potato chip. She's already let go of the diet coke. Okay? This is, you know what, a couple months later, I haven't even changed her lunch yet 'cause I've been going slow 'cause I didn't wanna overwhelm her and now she's gonna be willing to change her lunch. So I said to her, you know, is there a salad bar someplace around you? Yes. Can you grab something at the salad bar? Yes. So here's what you do. A salad, any kind of salad, whatever you like. I don't care what it is with some kind of protein, with some kind of meat, fish or egg. And I want you to have some olive oil with that put on an olive. Just either bring in your own olive oil based dressing that you buy in a store or have some olive oil at work. I don't care. Put it on your desk. Be proud of yourself. Be the weirdo people will follow you. Um, is that doable? Yep, it's doable for her. And I want to say I saved these tweaks for last because I thought those would be the hardest for her. Um, because they have a lot to do with her work culture and she was very concerned about that. And now she's less concerned because, you know, something for her to lose seven pounds is a little bit more important for her, for her to lose weight than people thinking. She's a tie dye, wearing hippie. I don't know what her fear is. Um, so she was willing to make these changes. Um, I asked her to cut her coffee intake in half just for the heck of it, just, just to see what happens is an experiment. I got no problem with caffeine. I explained that. I just said to her, you know, for some people it helps them find their natural appetite more, helps them find their natural metabolism. I can care less, but I am your advocate. I want to help you find your natural metabolism. She said, you know something, I don't even care about that. I could just go decaf. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. So she decided that caffeine apparently is not that big a deal to her, but I'm asking her, can you do this? And she said, Hey, I can just go decaf. We talked about some kind of movement, some kind of exercise, and what are you interested in? And she said, you know, um, she has a friend who has a yoga class that she goes to at her gym and her friend's like bragging about this class, bragging about this class. And her friend definitely, you know, was changing her body shape and weight. So she was intrigued by that. So she agreed to try this yoga class. I also asked her to focus on some slow, deep breathing before her dinner meal. And remember she's eating dinner out four times a week. I said, you know, relax your body more. Just, just use, use this as a tool. Use the deep breathing as a tool to just change your calorie burning metabolism and your digestive metabolism at a meal. That's what I want you to think of it as. That's all it is. You're taking in oxygen, which is the greatest metabolizer, and you're sending your body the signal. Hey, I'm in a state of parasympathetic nervous system dominance. So these are little tweaks, but really what I'm asking you to do is get in your body, get into your breathing, notice your breathing, notice your body. Hey, get into your body at the gym while you can take a yoga class. I'm so thrilled about that. I would've never said the word yoga to her. Um, she brought it up, honestly, my guess she didn't say this, but why haven't you taken the yoga class yet? If you've been inspired? You know, it was probably a little weird to her, but now it's feeling less weird because she's doing things that she considers weird. And it turns out it's not so weird. And it turns out it's actually helping her. So my assessment about her I'm seeing is true from the beginning. She needed to come to the dark side a little slowly. The dark side, meaning those of us who were into health, into good nutrition, into taking care of our body, she had a judgment around that. A lot of people have that. So I have slowly in our relationship, massaged away a lot of that judgment. And what's left in its place is her willingness because she sees that our work is working. If I were to hit her too hard and been a little too woo woo, wouldn't have worked. Okay, our next session turns out for scheduling reasons, were was three weeks later. I don't have a problem with that because I'm very confident where the work is going. And sometimes I, I like with a client, oftentimes for the first two to four months, we'll meet once a week and then we'll do it maybe once every two weeks depending on what kind of work we're doing together. So her and I were just mostly focusing honestly on her lifestyle and her diet. We weren't doing a lot of coaching, coaching about life work relationship. So there wasn't a lot to talk about. There's only so much food you can talk about. Okay? So three weeks later, her sinuses are much clearer during the day. I love that. She says, I can think better. Her constipation is 60%, her constipation is not as bad. How much better is it? It's about 60% better. Like what I, I said, so by the way, I'm like celebrating her. Like, wow, congratulations. And I said to her, your sinuses are clearing up because the quality of your food is higher. Chances are, I said, you might be a little dairy sensitive or you might be sensitive to poor quality dairy. So all of a sudden you stopped eating pizza at lunch. Um, and I'm just noticing, you know, a lot of people when they have a sensitivity to dairy that causes, you know, postnasal drip. Um, so her sinuses are much clearer during the day. I can think better. I, I made the connection between the olive oil and the constipation. I told her how many people who are sub clinically fat deficient deficient in essential fatty acids. One of the symptoms is constipation. When you replete someone with healthy essential fats in their diet, constipation can often clear up. She's also talking about her digestion feels better. She's in a better mood. No more heartburn. Now this person looks better. She, she really looks healthier. Honestly, her color is better. And I said something, do you, do you notice that you look better and that you have better color? She says, yeah, a lot of people at work are saying that. Okay, anything else? Yep, she lost another six pounds, 13 pounds total So far she is at this session. She's inspired, she wants to do more things. The girl has a little bit of a glow to her. Why is she glowing A little bit more? 'cause she's in her feminine more. She's paying attention to her body. She's nourishing herself better. She's nutrition herself better. She's got more healthy fat in her diet. And when you have that, you are going to feel better if you were deficient. This is this nutrition secret of all secrets. People think fat and food equals fat on my body. And yes, if it's poor quality, hydrogenated oils, fats that have been highly processed and stripped of their essential fats. So you eat the avocados, the coconut oils, the high quality almond butter, nut butters, peanut butters, high quality butter, high quality fish, high quality meats, the olive oils, the other oils. That's gonna make a huge difference. It's gonna literally help a person glove. And sure enough, it is working for her, helping her mood, helping her digestion, helping her constipation. Like wow, success already. And we stopped right now. Um, major success.
Okay, session number five. Here's the homework I gave her. So now I got a client, I asked her to get a book way of the superior man. Um, it's an intense book. It's a weird book in a lot of ways, but it's a great book. Oftentimes for a couple, when I wanna help one part of a couple, if it's a heterosexual couple, when I wanna help the woman get into more her feminine, the man get into more the masculine. This is a good book to read. I let her know there's gonna a lot of stuff in the book. You're not gonna like throw it out just like there's a lot of stuff in, there's some stuff in our counseling session you might not like throw it out. But you know, if your husband's willing read the book together. See what you think. I asked her to let go of pasta for three weeks and to let go of bread. I said, this is just an experiment. Just an experiment. And not only that, it's just an experiment. I just wanna see if you might have a gluten sensitivity. Even if you do, this is not for the rest of your life. We just wanna see what happens when you let go of gluten. For the most part, she's getting little bits of gluten here and there. I don't care. But I'm talking about the main parts, which is coming from pastas, coming from bread. Um, I asked her to limit herself to one glass of wine in the evening, four days per week. Why? I don't know, just, just change it up. You're drinking wine seven days a week. You know, if I take away three glasses of wine a week, that's a, that's a caloric. That's some caloric density taken away. See how you feel? You might need that glass of wine every night. You might find another way to relax. I'm just asking her to play, totally asking her to play. And I let her know, don't worry, here's why I'm asking you to let go of gluten or I mean the pasta and the bread. The protein component has gluten, some people are sensitive to that. One of the things that can happen is food allergies, food sensitivities, sinus headaches, sinus issues. There's all kinds of symptoms that can come. If somebody is sensitive to gluten, especially weight loss resistance. I said, you know, something extra fat is helping you. I'd love to give you an essential fatty acid supplement. Now why did I do that? I don't really need to do that. Really, really, ah, you know, I think it'll help her. It's a nice to, it's not a need to, but I want her to get, I wanna get her thinking about her health more. Taking a supplement for many people is a daily affirmation that I'm doing something for my health. Especially if it's something like an essential fatty acid supplement. It's basically food and a pill.
So what I usually will recommend is a is a multi oil. I might recommend a fish oil for her. I might recommend a primrose oil. I always ask people to mix it up. Um, so, and I, and I explained to her this will help even more potentially with her constipation. It'll, it will help her more potentially with her mood and more potentially with weight loss resistance. Um, I also, you know, we had a conversation about work and I asked her how it was going with her eating the way she eats and work. And she was saying it's not as bad as she thought. Um, and she's dealing with it. And I just asked her, what would it be like for you to own that and claim that? Claim your healthy ways more like empower yourself, feel good about yourself, not that you're a weirdo, that you know, let people know, Hey, you're trying this stuff as an experiment to see if it helps you. Don't even care if it makes you feel like a weirdo, as long as it makes you feel healthier and helps you diet and lose some weight. You know? Is there any other people at work who are trying to lose weight? Yes. Okay, let them know this is what your nutrition guy is telling you to do. Have people commented to you about how you look? Yep. Okay. Well you ought to be proud of what you're doing, not hiding what you're doing. So like she really had a conversation about empowering herself more to own who she is at work. And it's not such a big deal because people are already asking her questions and she's shying away because she doesn't wanna sound like a weirdo. So she still got that. So we talk about that and she's very open to the conversation. So I already got her doing a personal growthy thing, reading a personal growth book with her and her husband. I I, what a great thing, you know, on a certain level it doesn't matter. But on another level, I'm inviting her into a different way of being. I'm inviting her into a different lifestyle. I really wanted to see, you know, experiment. For me, it's an experiment to ask this client to read a book. It's an edgy book. Okay? Three weeks later she comes in for session six. Her postnasal drip and her sinus headaches are virtually gone. So we connected that to gluten sensitivity. The fact that she's had sinus headaches the whole time that we've been working together, except when she got rid of the gluten. I said, lemme tell you something. That's a one-to-one map. So her constipation is virtually gone and her bowel movements feel great. Her skin rash is receding, okay? On her arms on certain parts of her legs. And she says it's the best it's been in years. So our skin rashes kind of come and go, but she says it's been the best it's been in years. She says, I feel great on decaf. I asked her about that. Uh, she said, you know, going gluten-free was hard, but she really feels the difference. And she said to me, I really need to read up more about that. I said, that's a good idea. Paula also said to me a statement that, you know something, I have heard this, uh, maybe five or six times in my practice over the years, which I always take note and I've always heard it in relation to somebody that I got off gluten for a while who was indeed gluten sensitive. She says the lights came on. That's what often happens to people who are gluten sensitive, who don't know it, who let go of gluten. That's to something happens. She lost another eight pounds in the last three plus weeks. 21 pound total loss. She loves her yoga class. We had a talk about the gluten sensitivity. I said, listen, I said, I don't need you to eat any way that you don't want to eat. I don't care. You could eat all the pasta you want. In fact, go for it and see what happens. See if the postnasal drip comes back, see if the sinus headache come back. If they do, you have a decision to make. I said, it's, you know, you're a big girl. It's your body, it's your life. Um, I'm letting her know I don't care. You know, me personally, I don't care. This is about you. And I said, and you might be able to find a sweet spot. You might be able to eat pasta once a week or twice a week or bread once or twice. I said, I don't know. But you're gonna, you're gonna experiment with that and see what happens. And that's gonna determine what works for you. And, and it's a free country. You can do whatever you like. But how good is this? You have 21 pounds lost. So I am celebrating her victories. Like look at all these great things. And I keep, I keep going over to her. I keep complimenting her on her hard work. Like, congratulations, this is so good. Like you have really changed. Okie dokie. Here's the homework assignment that I gave her. I said, you know, now that your skin is clearing up, I wanna give you something that's healing for your skin. I told her, go to the health food store, get some jojoba oil, get some co coconut oil. And I want you to alternate putting that on your body like every other night. Use either co hoba oil before bed, coconut oil before bed. I asked her to get a probiotic supplement and I asked her to continue going gluten free for four more weeks just to get her body used to it. I said after that, you know, you can start experimenting, but let's kind of ride the wave of momentum. How does that sound for you, Mrs. Client? Yep. I think I could do it. So she was pretty confident and I'm confident if she says she's confident, um, you know, the putting the stuff on her skin, I'm, I'm moving her towards the realm of natural body care. The probiotic supplement. Can't hurt. Simple things. Okay, session number seven, and this is our last, um, Paul loses three more pounds and she, so this is a month later. Um, and she's now at a total of 24 pounds lost.
Uh, remind you, she is now at 142. She was kind of hoping to get to 140. I was a little surprised that she was harping on that. Uh, but she was feeling great, you know, and I quickly said, Hey, this is where your body wants to be. Like, come on, come on. Your body is is just where it needs to be. You don't wanna try to push it or force it or shove it, you know, I think a part of her was wanting to get below 140, like, okay, people do that in their heads. But I really wanted to catch her on that and let her know, this is where your body wants to live. For a while, I asked her to let go of the scale, continue how you're doing. Um, turns out that, um, the book was really mind opening for her and her husband. And they had a lot of talk and a lot of conversation and it opened up a lot of possibilities for them. We didn't actually go into it too much. Um, uh, she really didn't want to. And I was fine. I actually didn't want to talk to her about it either because I, it, it just didn't feel like the nature of our relationship to go into anything deeply personal. Interestingly enough, even though we went into something personal, the fact that she read the book and brought it to her husband and he read it and now they're using what they're learning in the book, she was very happy about it. Um, so, and, and she was very clear that it was very meaningful for them and she didn't want to go into it. And I'm fine with that. Paul is looking and feeling great. Turns out her husband jumped on board and is copying her. He lost 12 pounds and said to her, send my regards to Mark. Um, we've never met, but he is unbelievably thrilled and she was thrilled. Um, by the way, Paula is smiling a lot. Now. This is a person who, you know, the first three sessions, um, I I I just wanna grab her face and like make it smile. Uh, she's, she's really smiling. Not because she's lost weight, like, yeah, because she's lost weight. But she has changed. Her mood has changed, her life has changed her constipation has changed. That gonna make you smile. Her skin has changed. Everything has changed. She's a happier lady. So she's smiling more, not just 'cause she's lost a bunch of weight. Um, I was thrilled about the husband, um, thrilled that he, you know, he's quote unquote, he was 20 pounds overweight. He is lost 12 pounds, just, just kind of like copying what she's doing, you know? And we both knew it and I said it, you know, I think our work is done. And I'm gonna just suggest that you experiment with staying low gluten or very low gluten. And, and feel free, you know, feel free to splurge and see what happens. Continue all the strategies that you're doing. I, I implored her. Do me a favor. Don't try to get under 140. Like, that's gonna be silly. Like, don't focus on that. It's just gonna waste your energy. And she heard me. Um, you know, it's, it's,
and I completed the work. So oftentimes you, i, we will know when the work is done. And I don't leave it up to a client to say when the work is done, I was clear, our work is done and here we are and it's a success. So final thoughts. Paula to me was a great client. IE she was compliant and skeptically open. Is this the kind of person I would, you know, wanna go out to lunch with and be friends with? No. Um, we, we are of a different ilk. Um, and I really tracked her and, and saw, you know, what kind of work can we do together? Um, you know, so I could have done more with her technically, personally and emotionally, um, and I from our last session, but I really felt complete with our work. I didn't want to go forward with her. It it, it just, it just felt like the work was over. I don't know how else to say it. Sometimes you're in the movie theater and the movie ends and it's just time to leave the movie. You don't have to have a reason. The reason is the movie's over. You're not gonna sit in your chair and the movie's over the movie's, over the movie's over. So it just felt over. Um, you know, Paula on one level needed to change her relationship to work and to self nourishment. And she did. She needed to get over her judgment about what health is and healthy eating is and who healthy people who do healthy things are. She really needed to get over her judgements about that. And in large part she did. Um, by becoming more open as a human being, I, I, I, I can't stress to you enough, the person I was looking at was so different. She was a different human being. Um, yes, it was the food and it was the diet, but she made a personal shift internally. She let go of a lot of judgment. She let go of a lot of fear. Um, and because of that to me, she was able to make a metabolic shift and she was able to make that metabolic shift because we did the right nutritional tweaks. And I gotta say, by the time we finished working, and I joke with her about this, I told her, you're officially a bit of a health fanatic. Now. We both had a good laugh about that because she's now in the system. She's into healthy stuff. So my friends, oh, that was a good story for you. This was yet another powerful client. And you know what we're gonna do next? We are going to go into how to do a weight loss intake. You're really gonna like this 'cause you're gonna hear, you know, I've wanted to do story first. Case stories first. Just wanted you to hear the stories first before I tell you. Here's what you ask the person. Here's what you do now. Now I'm gonna tell you how we actually get information from A client. I like to work a little bit backwards sometimes because sometimes the brain learns a little bit more. So we've done some stories, you'll hear more stories throughout the training for sure. Um, we're gonna get into how to do an intake, which I love how to listen, how to ask good questions. Thanks for hanging in there, my friends. Thanks for being on this journey with me. And as always, I'm gonna see you on the other side.

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